


We can taste what it's like to love

by Chocolate_jackolope



Series: We can taste what it's like to love [1]
Category: Dance Gavin Dance (Band)
Genre: Crying, Dorks in Love, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Eventual Happy Ending, Eventual Romance, Fluff and Angst, Friends to Lovers, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Men Crying, Multi, Mutual Pining, OTP Feels, One-Sided Attraction, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-05
Updated: 2018-09-17
Packaged: 2019-06-05 17:51:56
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 17
Words: 48,487
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15176108
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Chocolate_jackolope/pseuds/Chocolate_jackolope
Summary: Tilian and Jon Mess are roommates that meet on Craigslist. Jon is a struggling artist, and Tilian now works a small record label after his band flops. Jon puts out an ad because his former roommate Will, left to go on tour/travel indefinitely. Tilian answers the ad, in desperate need of somewhere to live. He and his significant other just broke up. He was cheated on, so he's coming out of a rough place. Luckily he's got Jon Mess as a new friend to help him through this. But Tilian has a secret. He hasnt told Jon he's gay. They navigate new friendship, shitty exes, and dealing with anxiety and self doubt. But what happens when when Tilian starts to fall in love with his bestfriend and roommate? Is it unrequited love, or does Jon maybe feel a connection too?Also, credit to my Tumblr fam DabgavinDab





	1. Chapter 1

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tilian and Jon Mess are roommates that meet on Craigslist. Jon is a struggling artist, and Tilian now works a small record label after his band flops. Jon puts out an ad because his former roommate Will, left to go on tour/travel indefinitely. Tilian answers the ad, in desperate need of somewhere to live. He and his significant other just broke up. He was cheated on, so he's coming out of a rough place. Luckily he's got Jon Mess as a new friend to help him through this. But Tilian has a secret. He hasnt told Jon he's gay. They navigate new friendship, shitty exes, and dealing with anxiety and self doubt. But what happens when when Tilian starts to fall in love with his bestfriend and roommate? Is it unrequited love, or does Jon maybe feel a connection too?
> 
> Also, credit to my Tumblr fam DabgavinDab. Thank you for all your creative input and being as obsessed with dgd as me. (Maybe more lol)

****Jon's been busy all morning tidying up. He overslept and got a later start than originally planned, so now he's just haphazardly throwing clothes in baskets and in the closet. He's hoping his guest doesn't mind the sink full of dishes. His cat Timmy is begging to be fed, so he kneels down and opens him a can, and resumes cleaning. He's supposed to be showing off the vacant bedroom to the potential new roommate. He's  scheduled to show up at 3pm for a tour of the house. Will didn't really give him much choice. His band Sianvar really seems to be doing well, and he's gonna be gone for an indefinite stretch of time on tour. He insisted Jon rent the spare room while he's away, just to save money on rent. Jon was pretty skeptical about posting an ad on Craigslist, but his options were few and far between.  
The only normal inquiry was from this guy that just moved out to LA a while ago from Florida. Apparently he's super eager to take Jon up on the offer, he didn't even ask any questions about utilities or rent, nada. Which Jon found a bit odd, but hey it makes the whole process much smoother. The only thing he has to go on about this guy, is that he just got out of a bad relationship and is desperate for a place to stay. 'Whatever,' Jon thought. He's loading the dish washer with piles of old junk mail, his unique filing system repurposes the busted old dish washer.  
'As long as he's got money to pay bills and rent, I really don't give a shit. And if he can spring for the occassional pizza or breakfast burrito, than that's a win in my book.'  
Jon is shaken from his musings about the new roommate when the front door bell is buzzing obnoxiously.  
"That must be him. Okay, show time."  
He makes one last ditch effort at a clean sweep through the house. He shrugs, if this guy really needs a place to live, he'll have to put up with the leftover messy tour bus lifestyle he and his buddy Will seem to have incorporated into their living space. He takes a deep breath and answers the door.

Tilian was standing outside the address of his possible new roommate and tenant. He had one hand shoved into the pocket of his ripped jeans, the other nursing a cigarette. He's scuffing his ratty converse on the concrete stoop waiting to be let in. He really needs this place to work out in his favor. The first two potential roommates he met with decided it wasn't a good fit, but by the third one he'd met with it was obvious things weren't looking up. He really needed a win right now, because he as getting so tired of hotel hopping and spending most nights in his car to save money, and eating shitty food from convenience stores.  
He rubbed his eyes in frustration. Where the hell is this guy? Apparently the guy's name is Jon? He said something about how his roommate is going to be away for an extended period of time. Whatever that means.  
He just takes a drag of his cigarette contemplating leaving, when the door swings open and nearly knocks him on his ass, and down the stoop. He grips the banister for dear life, catching himself from falling in the bushes, as this wild haired dude flings himself out the front door.  
The man gives him a once over, and says, "Hey you must be Tilian. I'm Jon." He reaches forward and grabs Tilian under the arm, hauling him back up the stoop, and brushes off his shirt. Not used to being manhandled, Tilian just stands there looking confused as ever. This was not what he expected from this guy.  
"Sorry about that. Didn't mean to scare you. I got a late start to my day, and didn't expect you to be so punctual." He chuckles. Tilian cocks his head to one side and looks at Jon curiously.  
"Uhh well, you did say 3 o'clock, right?"  
Jon just shrugs, and grabs Tilian by the arm. He drags him towards the door.  
"Well than no time to waste standing out here, c'mon in and have a look around."  
'Well, he seems... stable?' Tilian thinks to himself. He supposes if this guy is a serial killer, there are worse ways he could go. He shrugs it off, and follows Jon inside. Once he's in, he takes a look around. Now over all it's actually a nice place, cherry hardwood floors, spacious living room, breakfast nook and a kitchen island. All new appliances, minus the ratty looking dishwasher in the corner. But upon closer inspection, you can tell this guy is a bit of a slob. He definitely wasn't kidding about getting a late start, he for sure just threw stuff in closets and baskets for appearances. Judging by the stray socks littered around, coffee cups left out, and the closet that's slightly ajar. But it could be way worse. He gives Jon the benefit of the doubt. Not like he can afford to be choosy in his current situation.  
"So," Tilian begins. "What are you asking for as far as rent? I mean either way, I'll take it if you're offering."  
Jon looks like he's mulling it over, finally he says, "I mean, I'm pretty comfortable paying most of the rent, if you wanna put in a third, and cover utilities, that'll roughly be 580 ish, max 600?"  
Tilian nods, that's more than generous.  
"Oh but two things you should be aware of," Jon says as an after thought. "I paint alot, so I'm usually up at odd hours preparing pieces for shows and commissions. So I hope that doesn't wake you up. And also I have a cat. Sooo, I hope you're not allergic, because the cat stays man."  
Tilian giggles at the last part about the cat.  
"Nah that's cool dude, I like animals. Preferably dogs, but I like cats too. So, no issue there. Also, that's cool that you're an artist. Maybe I can see your work sometime?"  
Jon grins and picks up this orange looking tabby cat that strolls into the kitchen nonchalantly.  
"All in good time, but for now you can meet with Timmy!"  
He thrusts the cat into Tilian's arms. He doesn't know how to react. Timmy seems indifferent to him so he just scratches the cat behind his ears. He starts to purr loudly.  
Jon claps his hands together looking like he just had an epiphany.  
"Oh my buddy Will, the one that's going on tour, he should be home in a bit if you wanna meet him?"  
Oh. Well that peaks Tilian's interest. Another musician. His curiosity gets the better of him. He places Timmy gently on the floor and he saunters away into the livingroom.  
"I mean, suuuure, why not? Not like I'm in a rush to go get the rest of my shit from my ex's place."  
Jon must notice the way Tilian winces at the mention of his ex, because he makes a sympathetic face at him. Tilian feels his stomach swoop a bit at the way Jon's brown eyes crinkle at the edges. Upon closer inspection, Jon is actually pretty handsome. In a messy, artsy kind of way. He notices paint spatters on his ripped jeans, and a few flecks of paint in his messy brown hair as well. Not to mention the dark red shirt he's wearing looks like it could use a wash.  
Tilian is broken from his musings when the front door swings open, and in walks this beardy dude, in red flannel, with dark skin and a fluffy fro. He smiles warmly, and extends a hand to Tilian. He assumes this must be Will. He goes to shake his hand, but instead Will pulls him in for a one armed hug. Tilian definitely isn't used to people so touchy, but he tries to not look phased.  
"Hey man, you must be Tilian. I'm Will, nice ta meet ya. Wassssup?"  
Tilian is pretty sure Will just smoked a J judging by the spacey look in his eyes and the relaxed smile he's wearing. Plus the smell, if that wasn't enough of an indication. He smiles back. "I was just filling in Tilian about how you're gonna be on tour for a while," Jon interjects.  
Will looks back at Tilian and grins, clearly proud of this fact. "Yeah man, it should be dope, and it works out in your favor. You just have to watch this psycho for me while you're here. And depending on how well you guys mesh together while I'm away, we could always squeeze another guy into this luxurious bachelor pad." Tilian rubs the back of his neck sheepishly, unsure of what to say.  
"That's always an option. Honestly if all else fails I could even just move back home, and in with my sister temporarily, it's in Florida. But I'd like to at least give this a shot to get my shit together."  
Jon looks at Will, and back at Tilian. "Well I don't know about you guys, but I'm starving. Tilian you wanna hang out for while? We might order in Chinese, and we have a case of beer. You're welcome to chill if you wanna get to know each other a bit before moving in."  
Jon is grinning at him, and it's pretty infectious because Tilian finds himself genuinely smiling back at him.  
"Yeah man, stay and hang, might as well get the full experience of what you're getting yourself into with this dude," Will cracks himself up at Jon's expense. Jon just grabs a cushion from the love seat, and chucks it right at Will's head. It bounces off his afro and lands with a clatter on the coffee table, sending several empty beer cans rolling across the hard wood floor. Tilian is surprised to find himself laughing right along with them. These guys seem pretty alright. He weighs his options, and inevitably decides he could use some good company; Even potential friends.  
"Yeah you know what man, food and beer sounds pretty good."

Jon is probably on the phone arguing with the guy on the other end for 15 mins before he finally gets their order right. Tilian and Will are gasping for air between fits of laughter, as Jon slams the receiver on the hook and just yells, "Fuck that guy, we probably order from there twice a week and he always tries to fuck with my sweet and sour chicken... Oh don't you gimme that look Will! You know it's true, that guy fucking hates me! It's not funny man! Tilian you see what I have to deal with?"  
Tilian has to hide his face in his hands, his shoulders are shaking from laughing so hard. Will actually falls out of his chair, and lands with a loud bang on the kitchen floor. He's rolling around on his back while in hysterics. Jon just looks exasperated and face plants into the sofa. By the time their laughter dies down, the door bell buzzes, and Jon literally lunges for the door, nearly plowing down the delivery guy in the exact same fashion Tilian almost was. Except the delivery guy lands ass first into the bushes. Will and Tilian are sent right back into fits of giggles as Jon tries to help the guy up and brush him off. "Oh shiiiiiiitt," Will mutters under his breath.  
The elderly delivery guy just swats Jon away with the bags of food in one hand, and thwacks Jon repeatedly with the menus in his other hand. Jon is trying to escape the man's wrath, while his companions watch from the kitchen window in hysterics. Eventually Jon just throws his hands up in surrender, and screams, "Okay, okay, I'm sorry! Ow! Here, keep the change!" He makes a grab for the bags of food, and hastily retreats into the house and deadbolts the door. The man is still spewing obsentities as he stomps off to his car, and peels out spewing gravel in his wake. Jon has a welt on his cheek from being bludgeoned with his sweet and sour chicken. He glares daggers at Will, and Tilian can't help but giggle. Jon whips his head in Tilian's direction, about to open his mouth and say something, but instead sighs and shakes his head. He can't bring himself to berate his new roommate, especially when the whole situation was pretty absurd. He begins to laugh along as well.  
"Guess we're gonna have to start ordering from a new Chinese place. Good job Jon." Will slaps him on the back. The three of them crowd around the kitchen table. They're having a few beers, just generally shooting the shit, getting to know each other. They talk about work. He and Will are actually partners in business and own a music shop, but Jon runs the shop while Will tours, since his band has taken off. Tilian finds that so interesting and weirdly coincidental since he works for a small record label. They launch into a full blown discussion about music.  
Jon finds that once Tilian is past his shyness, he's actually quite funny. He has Jon cracking up as he puts on a fake French accent, and sits on the kitchen floor to have a conversation with his cat. He definitely doesn't have much confidence though, judging by his slumped posture and the way he nervously plays with the hem of his shirt. It shows in his appearance as well. That's not to say he looks sloppy, just that Tilian doesn't look like a high maintenance kind of guy. He's got long messy hair that keeps falling into his eyes, he's pushing it away every few minutes. He's a big guy, broad shoulders, and a little soft around the middle. He slumps like he's trying to shrink in on himself. His glasses are huge and keep sliding down his face. Its kind of endearing. Jon also notices when he laughs that he has a gap between his front two teeth. He seems very innocent, and Jon finds that sweet. He's very soft spoken as well, which just adds to his quirkiness. Jon doesn't mind though, he's a pretty weird guy himself.  
They lose track of time and before Tilian knows it, it's 1am. He stands to leave, but Jon immediately grabs his arm and says, "Hey, if you want I'll just give you your copy of the key now, and we can start getting you moved in by Friday."  
Before he can even answer, Jon is leading him down the hallway by the hand and pushing him through the door to his room. Tilian looks around the large bedroom. There are quite a few paintings hanging from the walls, some star wars posters, a big bookshelf, a queen sized bed against the far wall, with a big window, and a drawing desk shoved into one corner. Jon is rummaging through his desk, pulling out charcoal pencils, and tubes of oil paints. Finally he produces the copy of the key. He bestows it to Tilian like it's a precious gift. He accepts the key graciously.  
"So, you're an artist?" Tilian asks conversationally. Jon just gives a shrug, and replies, "Well, it's not my main source of income or anything right now, obviously with the shop, but I'll do private commissions here and there. I'm trying to put together a good portfolio to submit to a local gallery, and maybe from there get my foot in the door for bigger projects." Jon's cheeks pink slightly. He seems a bit bashful talking about his art. But this kind of work definitely suits his strange personality. He's slowly making more sense to Tilian. He can't help but notice paint caked under Jon's nails a bit. He finds it makes him respect Jon more if he's being totally honest.  
"I, uhh.. I actually did the album cover for Will's band as well." Jon picks up an album sleeve that lay strewn on his messy drawing desk, and hands it over to Tilian. Tilian turns it over in his hands and checks out each page in the booklet.  
"This is really good man. Wow. I wish I'd known you when I was still with my band." Tilian clams up immediately, realizing what he just said. Jon looks like that piques his interest.  
"You were in a band, too? That's pretty awesome. But you're not now?"  
Tilian just shrugs awkwardly. "Uh, yeah. We were called Tides of Man. I was the singer, if you can believe that. It uh, it didn't work out I guess. Whatever. Now I mostly just promote other local bands at this small label." Jon can tell he's not comfortable talking about this, so he let's the subject drop; a story for another time he supposes.  
"Well, it's getting late, I should probably get going. Thanks for everything though dude. It's been real. I should be here early Friday to get a head start moving in, if that's cool with you." Tilian has a hand on the door knob.  
"Yeah man, that's fine by me. I'll actually be around, so I'll help you with boxes and shit," Jon gives a wink and shoots finger guns at Tilian. Tilian chuckles and does them right back, almost hesitantly. 'What a strange dude', he thinks to himself.  
Jon shows him out and walks with him to his car. As Tilian is buckling himself in Jon can't help but notice all the boxes and a large duffel bag in his backseat. "Looks like you got a head start." He observes.  
Tilian just looks back over his shoulder, than back at Jon and nods.  
"Yeah I kinda just grabbed what I could from my ex's and hightailed it. Not much left there worth going back for, ya know."  
Jon nods sympathetically.  
"Sounds like drama. I'm sorry dude." And Jon really does sound sincere. Tilian isn't used to that, so it catches him off guard momentarily. He shakes it off though. "Uhh. Yeah, it sucks. It's still kinda fresh so, you know..," he trails off a bit awkwardly. Jon leans into Tilian's open car window. Tilian leans away on instinct. Its nothing personal, he's just not used to how physically in-your-space Jon can be yet. It'll take some getting used to.  
"I get it man. It's rough. But you'll bounce back. I think we'll get along just fine too. I'll show you around, and we can hangout and stuff." Jon chews his thumb nail. And Tilian thinks Jon actually sounds genuine with that offer. He doesn't know what to say, so he swallows thickly through the lump in his throat. He nods and says, "Yeah, I'd actually like that. I don't really have anyone around here. Thank you."  
Jon leans back out of the window, and gives his roof a double tap. "No problem man, seriously. I'll let you get going. But I'll see you soon. Oh, also here's my number. If you need to text or call, just to ask me anything you might've forgotten to ask... or just to, ya know talk or whatever." He hands him a slip of paper through the open window, and backs away. Tilian pockets the scrap of paper into his denim jacket.  
"I'll see you Friday!"  
Jon waves, and heads back inside. As Tilian is pulling away, he looks back once more and notices Jon watching him through the kitchen window. He gets a warm feeling in his stomach, almost fluttering. Something about this guy feels like it's gonna be interesting getting to know him.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's move in day! Jon helps Tilian get settled in.. until they get sidetracked by Jon suggesting they go out for karaoke. A few strange encounters, and a Journey song make for an interesting evening.

Move in day came up quick. The week passed in a blur. Tilian had texted Jon once to ask him about splitting groceries, and since than Jon had continued to bombard Tilian with texts after that. Mostly just conversational stuff, getting to know eachother a bit. So they'd continued to text and keep in touch through out the week. Jon had planned to help him unload and carry in the few boxes of belongings that he had brought with him, which really wasn't much. Tilian probably could've handled it himself, but Jon insisted. Any excuse to get to know eachother better.

He felt pretty embarrassed when he realized he had forgotten to clear out the spare bedroom before Tilian had showed up to move in. He had been using the extra room as a make shift art studio. Paints and canvases, blank and used alike were cluttered everywhere. A giant blue tarp was covering half the floor, presumably used for a drop cloth for paint. That's what was really most time consuming; Decluttering his once sacred space. Tilian wasn't annoyed though, if anything he looked to be really impressed by Jon's work. He marveled at the giant canvases he had splayed across the floor and the queen sized bed. He gently touched the art work with an awed expression on his face. You'd think he was being given access to a private showing of a Van Gogh or a Gustav Klimt collection. When he was finally done inspecting Jon's work, he slowly turned around and mouthed a silent 'Holy shit'.  
Jon looked a bit embarrassed as he chewed on his thumb nail. He didn't usually like people to see his private stuff, especially the stuff he didn't feel was finished. It was hard to find interesting subject matter to paint these days. His attention has been wandering, he's felt a bit out of focus. And even if he felt it was his best work, the second someone praised him for it, he immediately waved them off or deflected the compliment.  
    "Dude, this is spectacular! Like.. wow."  
The way Tilian smiled at him caught Jon off guard. He felt his cheeks redden and his stomach flutter.  
"Umm, thanks. I'm usually pretty private with this stuff until I feel it's finished. I kinda forgot to clear this junk out before you were supposed to move in..," he trails off.  
"This is not junk." Tilian looks at Jon and says each word solemnly. Tilian is still carefully stepping over spilled cans of brushes, and tubes of paint of varying sizes and colors.  
"Honestly dude, you're extremely talented. I wish I could create stuff like this. I wish I could be half as good at anything like this."  
Tilian looks so earnest and sincere with his hair pulled back into a messy bun, glasses slipping down his nose. He's smiling so warmly, Jon can't help but smile back. Jon scratches at the back of his neck, face looking at the floor. He looks up through his curly hair and grins back at Tilian. "I bet you're good at plenty, you're just being modest."   
Tilian chuckles humorlessly. "Eh, I'm alright. I used to like to write music and sing in my spare time. I know mentioned to you I was in a band.."  
"Actually, me too. I can sing and I write a bit too. We should collab on something sometime, lemme see something you've written." Jon sounds excited.  
"Ehhhh, I don't know..," Tilian looks like he wants to flee. Jon is a persistent fucker though.  
"Hey man, it's just me. I'm not gonna critique you. C'mon, I showed you mine, you show me yours." He waggles his eyebrows, and Tilian laughs. "Alright, alright. Wait here, I'll go get my keyboard."

Jon quickly clears off a little space on his bed for Tilian and him to sit. A moment later he's hovering in the doorway, fidgeting with his keyboard under his arm, looking nervous as hell. Jon leans back on the bed with his legs crossed and gives him a come hither gesture. Tilian laughs, breaking the tension. He sets up his keyboard on its stand and sits next to Jon, their knees touching in the small space.  
"I just want you to remember, I just wrote this, so it's not quite polished." Tilian sounds nervous.  
Jon just pats him on the back and says, "I'm sure it's great, relax." Tilian takes a deep breath and begins.

His fingers glide effortlessly over the keys like a seasoned pro. And when he finally opens his mouth to sing, Jon is entranced. He's intrigued by the raspy quality of his voice, and his pitch is perfect; his voice soars higher, his range is impressive. Between the haunting melody and the heartbreaking lyrics, Jon feels like he's being allowed to view something very intimate. It's very personal. But when he hits the bridge of the song, it begins to click. Jon realizes the song is about his ex. Jon feels a weird emotion he can't place. He just stares as Tilian continues to sing, mesmerizing...

"I'll play this game of tug of war, trying to pull you back again  
But in the end, nobody ever wins

We're not making sense  
We're not making sense  
We're not making sense  
At all, alllllllll.

But if we just gave in  
Then we both could win  
We're not making sense  
At all..."

The song fades out.

Tilian just sits there hands stilled, resting in his lap, almost holding his breath. Jon breaks the silence.  
"Wow. That just... wow."  
Jon stares at him and shakes his head, almost like he's shaking himself from a trance.  
Tilian looks down while playing with the hem of his shirt. He can't make eye contact. "Hey. Look at me." Jon grabs his knee and gives him a squeeze to get his attention. Tilian's wide eyes look up at Jon, a bit startled. He looks so young for a moment. He swallows audibly. "You're good. Like, really, really good. Stop being so hard on yourself. I can tell confidence doesn't come easily to you, but trust me when I say, you're a natural."  
Tilian let's out a breath he's been holding, and smiles. "Thanks. I guess it's just hard to believe anything other than what I think about myself. But that means a lot." Jon just grins and slaps Tilian on the back, causing his glasses to slide down his nose.  
"Okay we're going to karaoke tonight that settles it."  
Tilian suddenly looks nervous. "Wait what? No I can't! Dude I get waaay to nervous! Performing for you is one thing, but a crowd is another."  
Jon just looks at him pointedly, and says, "I will buy all the beer, and I'll throw in a painting lesson. You cannot turn this down. You're way to good to hide that pretty voice."  
Tilian blushes profusely, but bites his lip & looks like he's mulling it over. Jon doesn't give him time to refuse. He grabs his nervous new friend by the wrist and practically drags him out the front door, uber ordered & already on its way. The boxes are forgotten for the moment, still sitting stacked in the hallway. Unpacking will just have to wait till tomorrow... if they aren't hungover that is. He knows he's gonna have to funnel his friend a bit of liquid courage to get him on stage. Besides, this will be good for him. He's gotta help his new friend find that much needed confidence.

 

The uber ride over to the local bar in downtown L.A. is filled with palpable anxiety. Tilian is wringing his hands anxiously. He can't remember a time when he was so nervous. Okay that's a lie, he's ALWAYS a bit nervous. He's honestly not sure why he's letting Jon talk him into this. They barely know eachother, and yet, he can't help it. It feels impossible to say no to Jon when he looks at him with those brown eyes. His heart starts to race a bit, and his stomach flips.  
'Stop. Do not go there. He is your roommate!', Tilian reprimands himself mentally. 'You do not get to crush on him. Especially when you haven't been honest...'  
Tilian has kept something from Jon. He hasn't exactly gotten around to telling him he's gay.

His hands must start to shake, because Jon reaches over and places his hand on top of Tilian's. He's startled a bit, but when he looks up at Jon he's met with a concerned expression. "Hey you Okay? You look like you're about to leap out of the car."  
Tilian inhales deeply, and exhales for 5 seconds. He's trying to calm himself, but it's so hard with Jon looking at him. He feels the edge of panic sneaking up on him. He feels like he cant breathe. Fuckfuckfuck.. How could he be so stupid? This is such a bad idea, what on earth possessed him to go along with this? He's gonna humiliate himself, or people will think he's terrible.. it's that summer tour all over again. He thinks about Jonny, and that last big fight.. all the criticism. The cheating.

"Tilian! Breathe! You're freaking me out."  
Jon has both hands on Tilian's shoulders, trying to ground him. "Look if you're really nervous about singing you don't have to, I won't force you, but I promise if you do I'll be up there with you the whole time. You're not gonna be up there alone. It's just for fun."  
Tilian relaxes a bit, something about the way Jon says all this reassures him. His breathing starts to level out. He didn't even realize Jon had started rubbing circles on his back. He feels... safe.  
It's weird, and he doesn't want to read into the implications of what that means. So he just looks at Jon and nods.

"Sorry, I don't know why I'm getting so worked up." He feels a bit embarrassed now. "It's just.. my ex. We both were into music, separate bands. We toured together a while, it's how we met." He hesitates, not sure if he should continue. Jon just nods, urging him on. "We- we were good, ya know? Supportive of eachother's creativity. Almost competitive in a way that pushed eachother to do better. But.. somewhere along the line, my band started to do really well. Headlining more, and more shows. But my ex.. there was resentment. We started arguing almost all the time. And it's like, they were almost trying to psych me out before every show. Questioning all my choices, criticising my every move. I started to second guess myself. I'd never been insecure like this before, especially since this was my dream. I was doing what I loved. But all of a sudden, I start panicking right before every show. This had never happened to me before, I never had anxiety. It got so bad to the point that there was a festival we were headlining, it was a huge deal. Like record deal status." Tilian is wringing his hands nervously, but he keeps going. "Right before our first show of the tour, I came home early to find my ex in bed with someone else. I lost it. I freaked out, and left. They told me it had been going on a while, and with multiple people. Said I couldn't make it in the industry, so why would they wanna be with a loser with no talent. That night at the show, I had a nervous break down.  
Two minutes into the first song I started to have a huge panic attack. I had to run off stage and to the dressing room to get it together. But I just couldn't do it. My band was so pissed. I fucked up the biggest night of my career, and lost the person I love all in the span of a few hours.. And the worst part is, I feel like it's all my fault."

Tilian sat there feeling so exposed. He'd just opened up about some heavy stuff. He didn't know what Jon would think of him now. He felt his eyes burning, he really didn't want to cry. He felt a hand nudging his knee. His eyes a bit red and watery, met Jon's. He had such a serious look on his face, he wasn't expecting what came next.  
"Listen to me. I am only going to say this once. What your ex did to you, was beyond fucked up. She got in your head, and made you doubt yourself. She planted a seed; all the fear and doubt. She continued to feed the idea that you're not talented, or worthy. But you know what? You are! You are so good, it's insane. If anybody can get out there and and captivate a crowd, it's you. You have an amazing voice, big guy. Don't doubt yourself. It's not you, it's her. She's the one that's threatened of you."

When Jon finished, he pulled Tilian in for a hug. Tilian didn't know how to respond. He didnt have the heart to be honest with Jon that his ex was actually a guy. It really wasn't the time, so he'd let it go for now. Eventually he got his arms wound around Jon's waist to return the hug. He actually felt lighter than he had in months. A weight was lifted. Nobody had ever said that to him; not his friends, or his band mates. Everyone had deserted him once he failed. But now someone was telling him it wasn't his fault and he didn't know how to swallow that. He felt this heat pooling in his gut, this attraction. He had to push it down. This is the only genuine friendship he has and he won't ruin it with stupid feelings. He's realizing he needs a friend like Jon. He's solid, and safe, and he cares.

"Ahem. I hate to interrupt you fellas having your moment, but we're here. The fair is $22.50".  
They were so caught up in the moment, neither of them noticed that the cab had arrived. They sheepishly pay the driver and get out of the man's car, because God only knows how long they'd been sitting there stalling him, and how much he'd overheard. Before they walk in together, Jon grabs his shoulder and gives it a squeeze. They look at eachother, as something electric passes between them. Jon leads the way inside, Tilian takes a breath, and follows. He can do this.

 

Once inside, Jon goes off to order them two beers from the bar. Tilian shifts nervously while he stares at the stage set up in the back of the bar. The place is pretty crowded, mostly people in their 20s and 30s. Tilian hopes this isn't a mistake. He glances around looking for Jon when he notices the bartender giving him a look. If he didn't know better he'd think he was being checked out. But that hasn't happened in a while, and he doesn't feel super sexy these days, not since his ex Jonny wrecked his confidence. It's not like he's wearing anything special either. Just his old ratty blue flannel, layered under a pull over hoodie. He just feels like this awkwardly tall, chubby dude, with glasses and too long hair. He looks away, but he tries to be discreet and sneak another peek. Sure enough the bartender is still looking at him, but this time he winks. Tilian probably blushes the shade of a strawberry. He gives a little nod in the guy's direction, like a little 'Sup'. He does not remember how to flirt. Just than Jon returns carrying two Guinneses. He hands one to Tilian.  
"Thanks.", he says, appreciative as he takes a cool sip, trying to will his blush away. Jon grabs Tilian by the wrist and is herding him to the back where the DJ is set up. Tilian is feeling his palms begin to sweat, but he takes a deep breath. Jon said he'd stick with him. Everything will be fine. He keeps repeating the mantra in his head. Jon hands him a huge binder with lists of songs and tells him to pick something.

They flip through it a bit together, combing through it meticulously, when Jon suddenly gasps. He points at a column on the left and just looks at Tilian with an eager expression. Tilian smirks. He wouldn't have pegged Jon to pick a Journey song. He nods and Jon laughs. He runs up to the DJ and let's him know what they're doing. Tilian tells himself this will be fun, it's just for fun. Jon reappears and claps him on the back. He hands him a mic, and there's a pause while the DJ switches gears and puts their song in. The first few notes on piano already has the crowd getting excited, wooping and hollering. Tilian takes a breath, and opens his mouth to sing.

"Just a small town girl, living in a lonely world. She took the midnight train going anywheeeeerre!"

Than Jon comes in and it's chaos. Tilian does not expect the screaming that ensues.

"JUST A CITY BOYYY, BORN AND RAISED IN SOUTH DETROIT! HE TOOK THE MIDNIGHT TRAIN GOING ANYWHERRRE!"

Tilian's eyes go wide, but he grins big, and rolls with it.

"A singer in a smoky room, the smell of wine and cheap perfume. For a smile they can share the night, it goes on and on and on and onnnnn."

"STRANGERS WAITING, UP AND DOWN THE BOULEVARD  
THEIR SHADOWS SEARCHING IN THE NIGHTTTT!"

"Streetlights people, living just to find emotion  
Hiding, somewhere in the niiiiight!"

They both come in on 'Don't stop believing' with everything they've got. They've gone from singing at the crowd to singing at eachother, pushing eachother. They're such a weird blend vocally, but it works beautifully. The perfect combination of melodic, and pretty, mixed with chaos, and feral energy. Tilian's range paired with Jon's intensity, verse after verse is incredible.

And the crowd fucking loves it.

Tilian honestly hasn't felt this amped up in a long time. It feels good. Really, really good. He didn't realize how much he missed this. He glances at Jon and can't help but smile, his cheeks are actually sore. Jon is smiling right back at him, and Tilian feels butterflies in his stomach. Woah. Oh boy.  
They exit the stage together, and Jon throws an arm around Tilian's shoulders, pulling him in close, smushing Tilian's face against his chest.

"Dude fuck Yeah! Where have you been hiding that voice?"  
Tilian flushes a deep red, but he's smiling more than he has in a long time. "Same place you've been hiding yours I imagine. Dude that was insane. I didn't know you could scream like that!"  
Jon just chuckles, a deep rumble in his chest. He maneuvers them through the crowd of people giving them high fives on the way to the bar. A few guys offer to buy them beers as a congratulatory gesture. They find a spot up at the bar right in front of the bartender from earlier. His name tag says Jack. He looks Tilian up and down while completely ignoring Jon.

"What'll it be handsome? It's on the house with a sweet face like yours." The bartender, Jack gives Tilian a wink, and Tilian stutters a nervous thank you, cheeks flushed. Jon looks back and forth between the two of them. As the bartender goes to get Tilian a Jack & coke (now that's dropping heavy hints!), Jon leans in closer to Tilian and whispers, "Somebody likes you big guy. Haha, maybe let him down easy so he doesn't flag us. I kinda like coming here."  
Tilian chuckles nervously. It's obvious he's super uncomfortable, but not for the reasons Jon may think.  
He's flattered that anyone thinks he's attractive enough to flirt with, but he's painfully shy these days. He's a bit rusty. Coming out of a 4 year relationship will do that to a guy. He doesn't feel his best, but this guy flirting with him is a confidence boost if he's being honest. Jon having taken notice of the said flirting makes him strangely embarrassed though. He doesn't want Jon to find out he's gay before he gets to tell him himself. But.. It's something else too.

Before he can dwell on it too much, Jon's facial expression suddenly changes to one of abject terror. He grabs the nearest bar menu and shields himself with it. Tilian looking confused, is about to ask what the deal is, when he hears a high pitched voice over the volume of the bar.  
"JON! JON IS THAT YOU?"  
The sea of people parts as this tiny blond woman pushes her way through the crowd and heads in their direction.  
"Shiiiiiiit. Fuck meeee." Jon curses into his menu. He's trying to shrink himself till he's nearly under the bar, and Tilian at a loss for what to do ducks down with him.  
"Dude who is that chick? Why are you hiding?" Jon just chuckles nervously and tries to play clueless. "Pshhh, whaaaat? I have no idea what you're talking about, she's probably just some crazy chick looking for another Jon." As soon as he says that, the menu is ripped away by the bartender from earlier, saying he needs to wipe them down. Jon flips off Jack as he walks away. Just than the girl from earlier yells out into the bar, "Jon Mess I saw you doing karaoke, I'm not stupid, I know you're here!"  
Tilian just gives him a 'Really dude?' Look. Jon looks a bit sheepish at that.

"Okay, I'm gonna level. She's just this crazy girl I used to sleep with. It was just supposed to be casual, but she wouldn't stop stalking me and just showing up at places I hangout. To be fair, I kinda just blew her off and ghosted. I thought she didn't know I came here. I don't know how she figured out this is my spot."  
Tilian just pinches the bridge of his nose in frustration.  
"Jesus dude, you tagged yourself here on Instagram when we first arrived. Are you serious?"  
Jon face palms himself.  
"FUCK! I didn't know! I rarely use Instagram. It was just to post a pic of us. How could I be so stupid? Don't gimme that look Til! And dont laugh, this isnt funny. Alright, I say we just try to casually slip by and leave out the back."

"What are you doing under there you weirdo?"  
"....."

The blood drains from Jon's face. He stands up so fast he smashes his head on the underside of the table. Wincing, he's cupping the back of his poor head. Tilian follows soon after, Coming up from under their hiding spot.

"Oh heeeeeey, Sarah. Didn't see you there." Jon looks like a disgruntled turtle with the facial expression he's making.  
The girl looks between the two of them questioningly.  
"Who's THIS. And what are you guys doing under there? Am I interrupting something?" This girl laughs at her own joke like it's hilarious, but Jon looks at Tilian and notices he's turned a bright shade of red, face looking down at the floor like it's suddenly fascinating.

Sarah continues harshly, "Or maybe this is why you stopped texting me and disappeared." This girl is unrelenting, and is making the situation increasingly awkward. Poor Tilian looks like he wants to disappear.  
"I mean, I guess your friend is cute, if you're into that awkward shy thing-...",  
But Jon cuts her off. "Actually, he's my roommate, and we're just about to leave so ya know.."  
She throws her arms around Jon unexpectedly and and clings to him like a leach.  
"Noooo, ugh! Why don't you stay a while and hangout for a drink or two? You used to love having fun with me." Sarah says pouting. She's definitely tipsy, but she seems to just naturally have a persuasive personality, in the sense that she doesn't take no for an answer.  
Tilian feels a weird pang of annoyance at the situation. He knows he has no right to, but he feels jealous. They were supposed to be hanging out, than this girl takes over. And Jon is letting it happen!

She's got a hold of him, one arm around his waist and the other hand in his hair. He has an arm around her waist, presumably to steady her swaying, but it makes Tilian's heart clench. He takes a big swig of the Jack and coke that's just been set in front of him. Jon looks at Tilian, conflicted, or maybe embarrassed at the situation. Tilian thinks, 'Fuck, it. He's busy with Sarah. I might as well enjoy myself as well.'  
The bartender gives him a lazy smile, and let's his eyes roam over Tilian. He's got dark slicked back hair, salt and pepper on the sides. He must be early 40s. Tilian takes a breath, and tries to smile back at Jack.

"So, my drinks are on the house? What's the catch? Nothing comes without a price." He finds himself flirting back with a feigned nonchalance. Jack chuckles, and smoothes his hair back with his free hand, the other hand reaches across the bar and lightly grazes Tilian's hand that's wrapped around the glass. His breath stutters in his chest.  
"Well, I have a break now. Maybe we can chat over a smoke outside and you can gimme your number?" Jack shrugs at him noncomitally. He comes around the other side of the bar, and nods at Tilian to follow him. Tilian gulps nervously, he looks back over his shoulder to check on Jon. He's gobsmacked at the scene before him. This chick has herself seated on Jon's lap with her tongue down his throat, hands wound tightly in his hair. Tilian feels his heart sink. He quickly looks away. "Sure lets go. Lead the way." And he follows Jack out back.

As soon as Tilian turned to follow Jack, Jon must've happened to extricate himself from Sarah long enough to look up and catch sight of Tilian following the bartender out the back exit, Jack looking smug. Jon's jaw drops in confusion. 'What is he doing?' He wonders to himself. Jon feels very uneasy all of a sudden. He gently but firmly lifts Sarah to her feet, and stands himself upright.  
"Hey, look I really gotta go, this isn't a good time. I'll call you sometime." Jon is really grasping at straws here.  
Sarah looks annoyed, but she shrugs and says back, "Yeah, I've heard that before. Don't worry I'll call you. We're not done here." She runs her hands up his chest possessively, and gives him a solid push off.  
"See ya round Mess." And with a wink, she disappears into the smoky crowd of bodies taking up the bar. Like a phantom, she's evaporated.

Jon goes off in search of Tilian, he heads toward the back exit. He shoves open the door with both hands and does a quick scan of the parking lot. He does a double take, and sees Tilian scribbling something down on a bar receipt and handing it to Jack. Jack winks at him, and saunters past Jon on his way back inside. As the bartender passes him, he gives Jon a self-satisfied smirk. Jon scowls menacingly in return. He switches his attention back to Tilian to find him looking a bit disheveled, hair a bit messed up.  
"You Okay? Was he bothering you?" Jon says protectively.  
Tilian finds himself blushing at the tone in Jon's voice. He looks angry, and if Tilian is being honest, he finds it kinda hot. "Uhh, n-no, we were just talking, I asked him I could bum a smoke off him."  
Jon can tell he's lying, but he let's it go for the time being. He shrugs, and looks at Tilian.  
"I managed to escape from Sarah, but she does not take no for an answer man."  
Tilian laughs humorlessly. "Really? Didn't seem like you minded very much when she was making out with you." Tilian sounds a bit salty. Jon looks offended and says, "And how would you know? You were out here with your new buddy."  
Tilian visibly bristles at that. "We were just talking, what are you implying?" Jon just shakes his head. Not wanting to pick a fight with his new roommate.  
"Nothing. Sorry, I'm just tired." Jon feels like an asshole. "You wanna get outta here? Head home for the night? I don't know about you but I've got a ton of Mac and cheese at home, and I'm starving." Tilian looks a bit unsure, but eventually his stomach makes the executive decision for them by growling loudly. Plus it's hard to stay mad at Jon. "Yeah, I guess I could eat. Let's get outta here."

They walk around to the front to wait for their uber to pick them up. There's a loud group of rowdy guys hanging around, laughing and being pretty disorderly. They notice Jon and Tilian walking up from the behind the bar and start catcalling obnoxiously. Tilian keeps his head low, paying it no mind. But Jon frowns and actually puts himself between the catcallers and Tilian, maybe a leftover force of habit from past relationships with ex-girlfriends. Tilian can't help but smile from that small protective gesture, he chuckles to himself. Jon looks at him, confused. He must not have realized what he did. It was probably subconscious but it was really sweet. Damn him for being so sweet. He's making it so confusing. They stand at the curb, waiting for their ride. The uber pulls up right alongside the curb and they get in the backseat smushed together. It's pretty warm and cozy in the back seat, with the two of them being crammed together, thighs touching in the close space. Tilian is feeling super fatigued all of a sudden, the excitement from the evening finally wearing off. He leans back in the seat and feels his eyes start to droop ever so slowly. A few minutes go by in comfortable silence, and Jon feels a weight on his shoulder. He looks down to find Tilian fast asleep, flush against him. His head lolled to the side, resting on Jon's shoulder. For a big guy he looks super sweet and innocent, basically cuddling into Jon. A little sleepy noise comes from him. Jon smiles to himself. Honestly it's pretty cute, his roommate is a literal big teddy bear. Jon let's him sleep like that for the duration of the ride, sneaking glances at him looking restful every so often. The light from the streetlamps is reflecting off of Tilian's glasses.  
Jon is so distracted he doesn't even notice that they've arrived back at the house. He gives Tilian a gentle shake to wake him up. "Hey Til, we're home." Something about saying that gives Jon this warm feeling in his chest. The fact that they now share a home, it feels kinda nice. He really does like having Tilian as a friend and a roommate. It's a comfortable fit so far. Tilian's eyes flutter open and he sleepily looks around, a bit confused. He yawns and nods as Jon hoists him out of the cab and leads him to the front door. "Mmnmtired." Tilian slurs sleepily. Jon's eyes crinkle with amusement. "Yeah I know big guy, we're almost inside." Jon had one arm around Tilian's waist, totally propping him up, the other fishing out his keys and trying to unlock the door; No easy feat.  
Out of nowhere, Tilian says,  
"Mmmm.. I like when you call me that. S'cute."  
Jon freezes with the door slightly ajar. He looks back at Tilian to find him yawning once again. Eyes barely open. Jon feels his heart skip a beat. He coughs nervously. "Oh? You do?"  
Tilian nods back.  
Jon feels slightly embarrassed, but strangely pleased by that little confession.  
"Okay, someone needs to go to bed. Let's go."  
They let themselves in and Jon steers Tilian towards his new room, navigating around the stacks of boxes they had abandoned earlier. Jon clears a small path on the floor, pushing his paints and supplies to the other side of the room. Tilian face plants onto his bed fully clothed and is out like a light. Jon takes a moment to fetch the comforter from the sofa and cover his friend. He thinks for a moment and decides to remove his glasses as well. He places them on Tilian's desk, and casts a backward glance at his friend dozing fitfully, face nestled into the pillow. He turns off his lamp and gently shuts his door with a soft click. Jon still a bit jittery and awake from the night's excitement decides to open up his sketchbook and draw a bit till he gets tired. He's plopped on the sofa, sketchbook laying open on the coffee table. He's got his set of woodless charcoal pencils, and he sets to work refamiliarizing himself with them. He feels the way they scratch across the paper, smudging and blending where it's needed. His fingertips are completely blackened and soot-like by the time he's finished.  
Jon completely loses track of time. He glances at his phone and it reads 3:42 am. "Shit." He says out loud to no one in particular. He sets about turning off lights and heading to bed. He makes his way to his bedroom, but pauses outside of Tilian's door. He hears faint snoring from inside. Jon let's out an exhale and retreats into his own room for the night.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jon plans a Marvel movie night. He and Tilian just have a cozy night in with pizza. They argue over pizza toppings. Tilian waxes philosophical about the relationship between Cap and Bucky. Jon questions his roommates sexuality.

Since their first night out together at karaoke, and officially unpacking, Tilian seems to be settling in okay. They learn little tidbits about eachother in oncoming weeks. They pick up on habits they tend to exercise whilst unaware. Like how Tilian will fidget with the hem of his shirt when he's nervous, or getting ready to ask a question, or how he hums while doing the dishes. Or how Jon will incessantly tap his foot when he's bored out of his mind, or always forget to put the milk away after a bowl of cereal.  
Overall he's a pretty quiet dude, but he may just be shy. He hasnt gone out much on his own since officially moving in, except for work. But Jon doesn't give up easily. He tries to pull Tilian out of his cave as often as possible. He's gone so far as to lure him with snacks (he seems pretty fond of skittles), movies, videogames, random trips to the 7/11 at odd hours, & asking his opinions on certain projects he's currently working on. (Which for some reason Tilian seems super flattered by that.)  
Tonight though, Jon has decided that a Marvel Avengers movie marathon will commence. He's already bombarded Tilian with sticky notes on every surface of the kitchen, sent multiple text messages, and about 3 voice mails, reminding Tilian to come right home after work so they can get started. Jon tries to remind himself not to overwhelm the poor guy, but he can't help himself. If he's being totally honest, he's just super excited to have another person living in the same space as him again. Since Will left, the silence has been deafening. I mean, sure the first few weeks were fun, he could sit on the couch in just his boxers and eat lucky charms straight from the box. But that can get old pretty quick. Plus it really helps that there's another human living with him that he needs to be considerate of in terms of messiness. The laundry and dishes were starting to get a little out of control.  
So now it's 5 o'clock, and Jon already has the Firestick queued up with all the current Marvel movies. He's got the number for the pizzeria already programmed into his cell, and at least 2 liters of soda just chillin' in the fridge. He's got a little Sailor Jerry too, just in case. He even ended up grabbing two fluffy blankets, because he knows they're not going to bed tonight. Now he's just waiting on his roommate to make his grand entrance.  
The second Jon hears the deadbolt click, he's off the couch like the shot of a gun, and at the door just as it opens. He's faced with a surprised looking Tilian, one eyebrow arched and a grin slowly spreading across his face. He's never actually taken the time to notice, but Tilian actually has a very cute smile with a noticeable gap between his two front teeth. "Heeeeey man, what's up?", Tilian says slowly.  
"It's movie night, remember?", Jon says matter of factly. The realization slowly dawns on his face, and he blushes a faint pink. "Oh shit, I'm sorry! It was such a long day, I'm totally wiped out. I was thinking of crashing early toni-.."  
But Jon doesn't wait for him to finish, he's already herding his roommate to the sofa, and gives him a not too gentle shove, so he lands with an audible 'oomph' onto the love seat. It's definitely a small couch for two grown men to be stretching out on together for a whole night of movies, but Jon is already determined to make it happen. Tilian seems to sense that he isn't getting out of movie night, so he settles in as comfortably as a 6'2" dude can be on a small sofa with another, almost equally large person. He eyes the two demented looking stuffed animals sitting at the other end of the sofa, they almost look like they're mocking him.  
"Oh," Jon looks a bit embarrassed, "I actually collect stuffed animals. That probably sounds weird coming from an almost 30 year old dude, but it could be worse."  
Tilian just chuckles and picks up the one nearest to him, which happens to look like a twisted Tim Burton version of the Easter Bunny. "Now I get why you were so persistent for me to stay up for movie night. These are your only fweeeeennnddss!", He says in a shrill sing-song voice. Jon flips him the bird, and Tilian just giggles. "Well if you're done insulting me and my friends, we can order pizza and get this shit rolling.", Jon says petulantly. "What do you like for toppings?", He questions as he gets ready to hit call. Tilian flops back into the sofa.  
"Ooh! can you get my half pineapple and mushroom?", he asks. Jon just stares at him for a full 5 seconds with a look of utter contempt, and says point blank, "What is wrong with you?". Tilian throws the demented rabbit at Jon's head, but he quickly ducks and starts making retching noises followed by "Pineapple? Really dude?". The two continue to tease each other for a full 10 minutes, while arguing about whats considered to be respectable pizza topping choices. Eventually though, Jon concedes and he decides to put a pin in the pizza topping debate for another time. He isn't letting Tilian off the hook for his bad taste.  
Once he places the order for their Frankenstine monstrosity of a pie, they settle in on the sofa. Tilian eyes the root beer and makes a grab for it at the same time as Jon does. They brush hands for a quick second and pull away just as fast. Jon sheepishly let's him pour first. They end up picking Captain America as the first on the list even though it should technically be Iron Man. Jon couldn't help but notice the way Tilian's eyes lit up at the mention of Chris Evans. Interesting. A little piece of info to file away mentally for later. The pizza arrives and Jon quickly pays the delivery guy, and tips generously. He plops the pie down on the table and they dig in.  
From the moment the movie starts, Tilian is transfixed on the screen. When it gets to the scene where Cap steps out of the iron lung looking contraption and has completed his butterfly transformation into a swoll looking stud, Tilian audibly gasps. Jon sneaks a look at his friend, and sees him biting his lip and looking a bit flushed. Huh. He doesn't want to assume, but now he's a bit curious as to whether or not Tilian might be into guys. Which is totally fine, Jon has plenty of friends who fall somewhere on the spectrum of queerness. He's totally cool with it. But he wonders why Tilian hasn't mentioned anything. In fact... it would make sense. He remembers their karaoke night a month and a half ago, and the bartender that kept flirting with Tilian. He was pretty sure Tilian handed him a slip of paper as well. Presumably his number. He ponders over this for a few minutes while the movie plays, but he doesn't realize he's still staring at his friend until he looks back at him questioningly. Grasping at straws for something to say, he blurts out, "I'm gonna make a rum and coke! You look like you want one too!" And he flees from the livingroom before Tilian can respond.

He returns a minute later with two solo cups filled to the brim. He clumsily sloshes some liquid on Tilian, but recovers by trying to messily blot his shirt with a fistful of napkins. Tilian insists it's fine, and just removes his wet flannel. It sticks to his T-shirt underneath, and he winds up with his torso nearly all the way exposed. Jon can't help but notice all the bare skin on display. Tilian is covered in a smattering of little freckles on his chest down his ribs, and trailing sparsely onto his tummy. He takes a huge sip to distract himself, and nearly chokes on all the rum he mixed in. Tilian quirks an eyebrow at him and asks, "Dude, how strong did you make these?", As he takes a tentative sip, and wrinkles his nose a bit. Jon mumbles to himself, "Apparently not strong enough for you."

After the first movie ends, they put on Thor, (since they're going out of order anyway, they might as well.), And after that they jump straight to Civil War. By than, its safe to say they're a bit tipsy thanks to their heavy handed bartender. Tilian's head is drooping a bit, until he decides part way through the movie, to unceremoniously sprawl himself across Jon on the couch. He looks waaay more relaxed than a few hours ago. Jon assumes he's dozed off until he startles him.

"They're so in loooove. I mean, it's sooo obvious. At least to everyone around them, except themselves," He muses to himself out loud. Jon just listens intently, waiting to see if his roommate will offer more on the subject.  
"I mean, he literally started a civil war with the world council, all for Bucky. I'd kill to have that kind of bond with someone." He sighs a bit dejectedly. Jon wonders what to even say to that. He doesn't overthink it. "Dude, are you asking me to be your Bucky?" Tilian just giggles and mumbles something incoherent. Within minutes he's out like a light. Jon wonders if he should wake him up and send him to bed, but he gets to caught up in finishing the movie, that he doesn't even notice when his own eyes start to droop.

The next morning, Jon wakes up with the worst kink in his neck. He fumbles for his phone on the coffee table. He squints at as it reads 6:13am. He decides he'd like to catch at least 2 hours in his actual bed, so he gently shakes his roommate's shoulder to wake him up. "Dude we fell asleep, wake up, let's go to bed". Tilian looks up at him blearily, but then sits up ramrod straight. "Oh shit. Did i fall asleep on you?" He asks in his scratchier that usual voice. He looks a bit embarrassed, but Jon quickly waves him off and dismisses it. "It's fine man, let's just go get a couple of hours of sleep in our own bed... er, I mean beds." He awkwardly corrects himself. Tilian doesn't seem to notice though. They both wordlessly aggree to clean up the littered coffee table later, and shuffle off to their respective rooms across the hall from eachother. Just before Tilian closes his bedroom door, he looks back at Jon and gives a little smile. "Thanks for last night, I kinda needed it. I'm sorry if I've come off as antisocial this past week, I'm just still trying to adjust to the break up and shit. I don't really wanna talk about it just yet, but I appreciate you trying to make me feel welcome". Jon looks back at him and smiles sleepily. "Of course man, why wouldn't I? If we're gonna be living together we might as well be cool and hangout". Tilian looks down at his feet, than back up at Jon.  
"Sounds.. good. I don't really have anyone over here. I moved all this way, just to be with someone who didn't really care about me after all." Before Jon could say something to that, Tilian says he's gonna get some sleep. The door gently clicks shut, and Jon is left standing there alone in the hallway. He closes his own door and falls into bed, still in his clothes from the day before. Just before he drifts off, he wonders who hurt Tilian so bad.


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jon comes home early to find Tilian in a wrecked state. The truth finally comes out about Tilian's ex and his sexuality.

Things have been going great for Jon and Tilian. They've been living together a while, and they've definitely gotten used to eachother's company. Jon would consider them good friends at this point. Even if he has a hard time always saying it.

One afternoon, Jon happens to get off his shift early at the music shop. He decides to surprise Tilian by picking up some pizza from the good pizzeria around the corner. Pineapple and mushroom on half, because ew gross, but it makes his roommate happy so he'll compromise and debate the merits of pizza toppings with Till later during their continued Avengers marathon. He's balancing a large pie in one hand, and a liter of root beer, and his keys in the other. He curses to himself as he fumbles with the lock, but manages to maneuver himself through the door with the food in tact.

When he let's himself in the back door, he's surprised to see Tilian's back facing him from the living room sofa. But he shrugs it off.

"Hey man, I didn't know you were gonna be back early too," he says as he reliquishes his hold on his keys, and sets down the box.  
"I was gonna surprise you with a Pie from Little Roma. I even got your nasty pineapple and mushroom big guy."  
Jon fake gags at the pizza and chuckles. Tilian remains silent.

"Til?," he questions.  
Still no response.  
It was than that he noticed Tilian was hunched over, head in his hands.  
"Hey Tilian, what's the matter man? You okay?"  
Jon notices the faint oaky smell of whiskey as he crosses the threshold into the living room. The air in the room suddenly feels heavy, and Jon starts to feel a knot of worry in his gut. He feels a bit out of his depth in this situation.

"Hey, not that I'm judging, but isn't it a bit early to start drinking? Atleast wait for the pizza big guy," he clears his throat, trying to lighten the mood, but was met with the sound of sniffling. A small, broken sob slips out from his friend. He immediately jumps into action and closes the distance between them. He places a hand on his shoulder, and kneels in front of him to get a good look at his face. Tilian's eyes are red and puffy, like he's been crying for a while, still brimming with tears and glasses askew atop his head. He won't meet Jon's gaze, most likely embarrassed at being caught crying, but probably also due to being a little drunk. He takes a quick glance at the half empty bottle of Jack Daniels Honey, and bites his lip.

"Hey, Til, look at me man. What's up? Tell me what's going- ,"  
Jon trails off as he notices Tilian staring at his phone blinking from an incoming call. The caller I'D says 'Jonny'. Curiosity getting the better of him, Jon reaches for the phone and picks up, Tilian makes a grab for it but he's obviously in no shape to answer for himself.  
Before Jon can even say hello, he's met with hostility from the man on the other end, screaming obscenities.

"Fuck you, Tilian! Don't you dare hang up on me bitch! I'm not even close to done with you. You wanna know why else I fucked around with other guys? You're a pathetic mess. I'm sick of your constant bitching about your so called anxiety, and letting yourself go, you're a-...",

But Jon had already heard enough, he's not a violent guy by nature, he's usually pretty calm and collected (or at least he thinks so by his definition), but he finds himself yelling back into the phone with greater venom and anger than the guy on the other end.

"No, you know what man, fuck you! I don't know who the fuck you are, but now I know why Tilian never talks about his ex. Because you're a garbage piece of filth person! Call him again, and you'll be spitting teeth bro!"  
He slams the phone on the coffee table with enough force to spill the remains of Tilian's glass of whiskey. He than realizes his mistake when he slammed his cell phone to hang up as if it's a landline.

"Fuck!", he seethes. And hangs up properly.  
He turns to look at Tilian and say something when he notices his lip quivering. Before Jon can say anything, Tilian just breaks down sobbing. Chest heaving lungfuls of air like a drowning man at sea. He's never seen his friend look so inconsolable. It's breaking his heart. Jon says fuck it, to hell with boundaries. When your friend is crying, you hug them, goddammit. And so he pulls his roommate to his chest tightly, rubbing circles into his back with one hand, and cupping the back of Tilian's head with the other.

Tilian is shaking so hard, Jon just keeps telling him to breathe. Tilian manages to mumble something into Jon's shoulder. Jon can't make it out so he pulls back a tiny bit to hear better.  
"I'm really sorry you had to find out this way that I'm gay," Tilian manages to say through tears. His usually raspy voice, even raspier from crying.

"I would've told you from the get-go, b-but I had nowhere to go and didn't have the luxury of putting all my shit out there on the table and risk being rejected from another potential roommate. I-I was gonna tell you, I j-just needed time and a place to stay. Everything is falling apart. I couldn't stay in that house anymore k-knowing he was cheating on m-me...," His voice cracks at the end. He's crying so hard, trying to cover his face. "He.. I thought he l-loved me!" Jon feels those words tug at his heart, so he just pulls him in close, sushing him.

"Shh, hey man, it's gonna be okay. He doesn't deserve you. You're such a good guy. And don't you dare apologize. I never would've had a problem with that. To be honest, I already kind of knew?", Jon cringes inwardly at his tactless approach. "You kind of make it obvious when you flirt with guys. No judgement though! It's not a big deal."

And it really was fine. Jon kind of had a feeling. Tilian would comment often on how attractive he found Captain America to be when they would have their marvel movie nights, and once threw in how non-platonic he found his relationship with Bucky to be. No shocker there. I mean, for crying out loud, he gave a bartender his number like, right in front of Jon's face.

"Just breathe. We're okay. Nothing has changed between us, I promise. Come on, slow down, breathe. You're gonna give yourself a panic attack." They stay like that for a while, Jon just holding Tilian while he cries and gets it out, continually rubbing his back, the occasional sniffle making it's way out. Eventually, after an hour or so, Tilian calms down, but he looks utterly spent. They somehow find themselves in a laying position on the couch, Jon propped up against the arm rest, with Tilian laying smushed between him and the back of the couch, his head resting on Jon's chest. His glasses eventually made it on the coffee table, courtesy of Jon. Tilian is so tall his legs awkwardly hang off the other end of the couch. The situation would almost be comical if it weren't for the circumstances. Jon thinks he should be weirded out by how intimate this position feels, but he shakes off the thought. If he's being honest, he's pretty tired from how emotional this night turned out to be, and Tilian looks pretty comfortable.

He hears Tilian snore beside him. He must've dozed off at some point between laying there, and Jon combing his fingers through his hair... Wait, when did that happen? He stops suddenly what he's doing, eyes wide. He's hoping Tilian hasn't noticed. Tilian let's out a little sleepy noise, but nestles in deeper. Jon mouths a silent scream of 'wtf' and wonders if he should wake him up, or if it would be weirder to let this continue. He watches Tilian sleeping peacefully, he looks so much younger when he's like this. His lips were slightly parted, breathing softly. His cheeks are a bit flushed, and he's a bit scruffy. He can't help but notice his roommate is attractive in a sweet baby faced kind of way.

He debates this dilema, but the decision is made for him when Tilian's eyes slowly begin to flutter open, his breathing evening out. He sits up lazily, hair a wild mess, his bun came loose at some point. (Probably when Jon was running his fingers through it while he slept.) It's such a pretty shade of dirty blonde, so soft and shiny. Jon's cheeks go red just thinking about it.

Tilian looks around, slightly disoriented, but his gaze falls on Jon, their eyes locked for an intense moment. The air in the room feels thick, almost like this little bubble they find themselves in. Jon coughs to break the silence. "Sooo...," he trails off. Tilian is most definitely still a bit buzzed, but nowhere near drunk. Jon watches as the events that transpired, catch up with his brain. He can tell Tilian is feeling humiliated. So before he can get up and retreat to his room, Jon grabs hold of him and pins him to the couch by laying on top of him. Tilian's eyes go comically wide. But Jon doesn't let him go.

"Well. This just got weird... Is.. Is that your phone in your pocket or...?"  
And with that they both start laughing hysterically. Leave it to Jon Mess to lighten the mood. When the laughter has died down, Jon allows Tilian to sit up, but almost has to support him, because he's still a little tipsy and swaying. Tilian rests the weight of his head on Jon's shoulder for a moment. A second of silence passes between them, but than out of nowhere Jon says,  
"You're gonna be okay man. It sucks now, but you will find somebody better than that asshole. Someday you'll find someone who loves you the way you deserve to be loved." Tilian looks at Jon with such tenderness, eyes a bit watery. After imparting that nugget of wisdom, Jon pats his thigh and gets up. He makes his way to the kitchen. Tilian can hear him rummaging around in the fridge. A second later, Jon comes back with a tub of chocolate ice cream and two spoons. He plops himself back onto the couch, and snuggles back in, resuming his position from before. Tilian just looks speechless at this point. Is his roommate really following 'the girlfriends guide to break ups' right now? He's holding a spoon out to Tilian, waiting. Tilian says fuck it, settles back into the couch with Jon, and digs in. The two are literally spooning, and sharing chocolate ice cream, after Jon let Tilian cry over his break up. If this isn't friendship, than he doesn't know what is.  
"Thank you Jon. Thank you so much for being here." Tilian sounds so small, and sad. Jon just gives his friend a small smile and rubs his back. They polish off the last of the ice cream together. Tilian rubs his tummy and thinks he might be sick after all that ice cream. But he's entitled to one eat-your-feelings night, especially after the day he's had.

Jonny had been relentless. It was so out of the blue too. He'd started getting the texts at work. They started off conversational and then it slowly got hostile, until Jonny started calling him and telling him off. His co worker Matt eventually felt so bad, he offered to cover for him to leave early from the studio. Tilian didn't argue. By that point he was anxious as fuck and needed to get home and deal with this. Than the alcohol happened...

Now he lay there in a companionable silence for a bit with Jon. He feels his chest press against Jon as he lays smushed against him. His face heats up, he feels like this might be a bit too intimate to keep laying here together. He tries to readjust at the same time Jon tries to sit up, and ends up falling on top of Jon chest to chest. Errr... Oh god. He goes to push himself up and away, but Jon snakes an arm around him to pull himself up, and he freezes. Tilian's heart is racing. And Jon starts laughing hysterically at the situation. They're both so awkward. Tilian can feel the vibrations radiating from Jon's chest. He starts to laugh as well. Jon Mess is hands down the strangest guy he's ever met, but he wouldn't choose anyone else to live with and be his best friend. They finally untangle themselves and they both decide it's time for bed. Jon stops Tilian for a second.  
"Hey don't hesitate to come find me if you need to talk. I know this shit is hard, but you're not alone."  
Tilian looks down at the floor and mumbles, "Thank you. I'm really glad I have you."  
He really doesn't know what the hell he would do without this weird guy in his life. But now he's so wound into his heart he doesn't think he could ever let him go.

They say goodnight and Tilian closes his bedroom door. He begins to strip down to his boxers but catches sight of himself in the mirror, and makes a face. He really needs to do something about his hair. A haircut for sure; his beard is looking a little homeless for his taste. And it would not kill him to hit the gym a few days a week. As he makes a mental checklist, he decides that he's gonna make a few changes. Maybe he'll even update his wardrobe a bit, ditch his glasses despite his blindness...  
He tucks himself into the warmth of his bed and slowly starts to doze off, but not before one last thought of Jon pops up behind his eyelids.  
He imagines how it would've felt to have leaned down those last few inches and kiss his friend while laying with him. Those warm brown eyes fluttering closed, his hands tracing the lines of Jon's face and jaw.. he's gripping his sheets, swallowing the lump in his throat. Heat coiling in his stomach, filling him with a want so desperate. It takes him a while after that, but eventually he's drifting off to sleep.


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tilian and Jon have gotten pretty domestic. They're settling in nicely, and have really become close since the Jonny phone call fiasco. Tilian is making some positive changes. Jon is preparing for his upcoming art show.

It's been about 2 months since the Jonny phone call fiasco and finally coming out to Jon. And Tilian has slowly but surely been doing better. He seems lighter. He's been smiling more around Jon, and over all seemed much more care free. Something definitely shifted in their relationship since that night. Tilian seems to really trust Jon now. They've been spending a lot of time together since that night. Going on day trips outta town on their days off together, Jon usually drives while Tilian rides shot gun and plays DJ. They both wind up singing obnoxiously loud, egging eachother on. They do their ritual karaoke on Thursday nights (while trying to avoid Sarah most nights), going to a few local shows whenever possible, movie nights in together with take out (they have yet to find a new Chinese place).  
Jon will wake up most mornings to the smell of coffee and eggs wafting from the kitchen. He'll usually find Tilian back from his morning run (because that's now a thing apparently), already pouring Jon's cup, adding a splash of Irish creme, no sugar. He'll slide it across the counter to him and smile,

"Morning sleeping beauty." He'll tease. Jon just flips him off and grumbles into his cup, grateful anyway. He shoos Timmy off the table, as he meows loudly begging to be fed. He's grown so used to this. It's become a comfortable routine. He takes a good look at Tilian, his back is to him, and he's scrambling eggs. Timmy is now weaving in and out between Tilian's legs. Tilian gives Timmy some egg.  
"Smells good big guy, I'm starving."  
Jon only just started noticing Tilian is looking pretty fit. He's been lifting and working out, probably to get out of the post break up funk. His eyes follow the broad expanse of his shoulders to the curve of his waist, down his lean legs, dressed in running spandex. A little sweat on the back of his neck, hair tied up in a messy bun. Jon feels a little hot. Tilian looks back over his shoulder, and Jon nearly chokes on his coffee, spluttering.  
"Jesus dude, slow down! It's hot." Tilian laughs out loud. Jon just shoots him a sheepish look and mutters under his breath, "Yeah, yeah..".

Tilian opens a can of wet food for Timmy and plops it in his bowl. Than he hands Jon a plate of eggs and toast, and takes a seat next to him with his own plate.  
"You have a late night last night?", he asks between bites of food. Jon shrugs and exhales.  
"Yeah, I'm having a lot of those lately. I'm kinda on a time crunch. I gotta finish these last few pieces before the Art gallery's opening night. I'm running on fumes, but it's coming up fucking fast...". He sighs tiredly into his coffee. Tilian gives him a sympathetic look and smiles.  
"Well it'll be worth it. You've been working so hard day and night, non stop. You're gonna get noticed. This is gonna be your big break, I can feel it.", Tilian gives a wink and throws him finger guns.  
Jon just rolls his eyes, but returns the gesture, smiles back at Tilian affectionately. His friend has enough faith in him for the both of them. He's just finishing up his breakfast; Tilian stands to take their plates. Jon obliges, and hands it over. "Oh by the way, I was gonna go shopping later. I'm kinda in dire need for some new clothes, I was wondering if you wanted to come with?"  
Jon appraises his roommate. He's definitely lost weight, he no longer has that slight roundness that gave him that baby face, or a little tummy. Thats been replaced with a Sharp jawline and, dare he say abs? His arms are looking pretty toned too, he can see the flex of his bicep as he lifts his coffee mug to his lips. Not that Tilian looked bad by any means. Jon always thought he looked kind of sweet and handsome, in a scruffy teddy bear kind of way. Jon realizes Tilian is still waiting for an answer from him. Oh shit.  
"Uh, I'm not sure yet, I wanna see if I can bang out a few more details on this painting before I run to the craft store. I'm running low on reds and yellows. But we can do something afterward?"

It's not that Jon doesn't want to hangout with Tilian, because he really does. He's just been so absorbed in his projects and he so, so badly wants to impress the gallery and be invited back again. Maybe even be asked to take on a few clients for private commissions. Jon is so lost in thought that he barely registers Tilian coming up behind him and grabbing his shoulder. "Just don't work yourself too hard. I'm gonna shower and head out. I shouldn't be back later than 3 or 4. You want me to pick us up dinner?". Jon yawns dramatically, and nods. Tilian puts the plates in the sink, and on his way to the shower he stops and says, "It's your turn to do dishes!"

Jon groans, but agrees. He'll get to them later. Jon gets up and stretches, his back popping loudly. He bends over to give Timmy some affection, and scratches his fuzzy little head. Timmy purrs appreciatively. Jon refills his cup and slowly drags himself to his studio that's been newly moved to the garage, thanks to help from Tilian, and a free weekend off they had together. As he passes the bathroom on his way to the garage, he notices the door ajar. He can hear the water running, so he assumes Tilian must already be in there showering. He grabs the handle to shut the door for him, when he catches a glance at the back of a very naked Tilian, stepping out of his running shorts. He feels his breath caught in his chest, and he nearly loses his grip on his coffee mug as he fumbles it like a jackass. He sloshes hot coffee down the front of his shirt, and hisses in pain. Thankfully his roommate is still unaware of his presence, so he stealthily shuts the door with a soft click. Once in the clear, he bolts in the direction of his bedroom instead. Inside his room, he slams his door, and whisper screams, "OHMYGOD!"  
He is utterly mortified. He tries to take a few mins to compose himself. It must take a little longer than he realizes, because eventually he hears a knock on his door, and Tilian pokes his head in. "Hey I'm heading out I'll catch you later."  
Jon just nods vigorously, and blurts out, "Yep, cool, great! See ya later. Have a good gayyyy- I MEAN DAY! HAVE A GOOD DAY!".  
Tilian's eyes go comically wide for a second, he shakes his head,  
"Okaaaaay weirdo." And he slowly shuts the door behind him. Jon is left alone to wonder what the fuck is his life.


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jon tries to blow off steam in the garage painting after awkwardly walking in on Tilian whilst unaware. Tilian is out shopping for some new threads. He comes home, But Jon is floored by Tilian's surprise make over...

Jon tries to distract himself from the awkwardness of what just happened. He throws himself into his work. Aggressively dipping his brush in shades of purple, and blues. Splashes of violet, and yellow ochre make their way onto the canvas. The entire afternoon is a blur of swirling color, and rich pigmented figures that dance across the canvas. His finger tips moving with such precision, and instinct. When nothing else in the world makes sense to him, this is where he finds peace. solace in the escapism that is his art. He is chaos and structure all in one. The world he creates within his studio is a beautiful one.

He's so immersed in his work, he doesn't even realise it's nearly 4 o'clock. He decides it's time to pack it in for the night. He brushes his hands off on his jeans, and takes a step back to admire his creation. He's startled by how much he's happy with it. He grins to himself and decides it was a productive day.

He shuts off the lights in the garage, and heads into the kitchen to make himself a bowl of cereal. Fuck. He forgot the dishes. He turns to look in the sink, but finds its empty. Jon is confused for a moment, but nearly jumps out of his skin when he feels someone tap his shoulder. He spins around and comes face to face with Will.

"Dude way to give a guy a fucking heart attack!" Jon has one hand on his chest, as if to keep his heart from jumping out of his chest. Will laughs, and pulls him in for a hug. "I would've called and told you I was headed home, but someone doesn't like to answer their phone," He scoffs. Jon just mutters to himself about common courtesy.

"Besides I figured you were probably toiling away in the garage getting shit ready for your big show. Where's Tilian?" He asks curiously. "He went out to go shopping. He should actually be home soon." Jon pauses, than casually adds, "You uhh.. You kinda missed a bit while you were away.. Tilian's mystery ex? Turns out She is a He. So, uh yeah."

Will looks thoughtful for a moment, but than adds, "Dude, I saw that coming a mile away. Not surprised, honestly." Jon looks confused. "Uhh what do you mean? I mean, I had a feeling after a while, but only because I actually hangout with him and know him pretty well. How did you know?" Jon asks curiously. Will just looks at Jon with a raised eyebrow.

"Seriously dude? You're joking?". Jon just seems annoyed at this. "Uhh no dude, I'm not. Why don't you enlighten me." He almost sounds a bit defensive, and Will definitely notices. "Hey take it easy. I'm just saying is all. It seemed like when we first met him, he just really took a liking to you.", Will states matter of factly. Jon looks dumbfounded. "What are you talking about? I'm pretty sure he likes us equally. Granted I spend more time with him in a living situation." Will just shrugs. "Nevermind, just forget it." Jon just shakes his head, not really in the mood to listen to Will's conspiracies. "Oh thanks for doing the dishes man." He says in an attempt to change the subject. Will waves him off, and instead grabs two beers from the fridge.

They sit together in the kitchen laughing and catching up as Will fills him in on how the tour is going so far. They're so enthralled in a story about tour bus shenanigans and an ongoing prank war between Will's band and their other tour mates. Neither of them even notice the sound of the deadbolt sliding open from the front door. Jon sees Will look up in the direction of the living room, so he turns to look, but his jaw drops.

He feels the air leave his lungs in a whoosh. He drops his bottle of beer with a clunk on the table, and Will quickly makes a grab for it, but it's foaming everywhere.

Tilian is just standing in the entryway with a surprised look on his face. But he looks completely different. His hair for one, is cut short into an undercut, but long on top and slicked back. He isn't wearing his glasses either. He's wearing a form fitting light blue button up covered in cherry blossom print; and super tight, black distressed skinny jeans that hug his mile long legs in all the right ways. He looks fucking good! Jon probably looks like a fish out of water, his mouth opening and closing, not forming words.

Will looks between Jon and Tilian and realisation dawns on him. (Oh. OH! Wow. That makes sense. Jeez his friend is clueless.) He reaches across the table and smacks Jon on the shoulder, none too gently. Jon gets a grip and has the decency to look embarrassed.

"Wow Tilian, you really went for drastic change," Jon manages to croak out. Tilian's face changes to one of apprehension. He's biting his lip. "Is- is it too much? The lady doing my hair said it would look a lot better this way, so I just let her cut it how she thought best. Or is it the clothes? I know it's probably kind of ridiculous, this shirt. I just wanted to change it up a bit, add more color. But- but maybe I'll return it, I have the receipts. I'm not 100% sold on this style..."

He's playing with the hem of his shirt, while he continues to nervous babble. Jon looks mortified all of a sudden. "Oh, omg no, no! I didn't mean.. you look, I mean you look really great. The hair and.. you just look really great. Wow." Jon is turning red. Will literally feels like he's in one of those cheesy rom-coms right now, the ones when the girl has her swan transformation and the guy looks clueless.

'What the actual fuck?' He thinks to himself. Tilian still looks unsure, but Jon stands up and says, "I was just super surprised. You really don't look bad! Seriously, change is good, and I really like it. The blue brings out the green in your eyes more." Jon wishes he could stop talking. It just keeps getting worse. It's like a car crash and he can't look away. Will discreetly face palms and gets up to excuse himself. Leaving these two clueless idiots to themselves.

"Im gonna crash for a bit, but good to see you Tilian. Lookin' fresh." On his way leaving the kitchen, he chucks the roll of paper towels straight at Jon's head, as he's still gaping at Tilian. He shoots a dirty look at Will's retreating figure. Jon and Tilian are standing alone awkwardly in the kitchen. Neither one of them know what to say. Eventually Tilian breaks the ice.

"So uh, did you get much painting done?" He sounds a bit anxious, as his voice cracks at the end. Jon is thankful for the change of subject. He breathes a sigh of relief. "Sure did, come on, follow me. Step into my parlor." He sounds like an evil villain. He cringes, and thinks to himself 'You're batting 1000 on the awkward scale today buddy.'

He flips on the light switch to the garage and leads Tilian over to his easel. Tilian carefully treads the path through the chaos that is Jon's art studio, and looks at the large canvas. His eyes widen with awe. Jon is a little nervous, he doesn't understand why, since Tilian is never anything but supportive. But this piece really means a lot to him. With all the stress and confusion he's been feeling over these past few weeks trying to prepare for this gallery, this piece was therapy for him. For some reason though, his opinion means a lot to Jon. Tilian looks at him after a minute and has a strange expression on his face. Jon can't quite make heads or tails of what he's thinking.

"You're really something else Jon. Your work is mind-blowing. It's such an extension of you. With all it's little details and quirks." Jon looks a little uncomfortable. He feels like Tilian can really see him, and that scares the shit out of him.

"Its- I dunno, it is what it is. I like it, but who knows if the gallery will." He tries to brush it off. This is too much for him. He doesn't know why he feels so uncomfortable all of a sudden. Might it have something to do with what Will said?

"Hey don't do that. Don't shut yourself down. You're so talented and you don't give yourself enough credit." Tilian is looking at him like he's someone worth believing in, and Jon doesn't know how to handle it. Eventually he'll screw something up. He always does. And aside from Will, he's never felt so close to someone before. This feels different. He can't figure out why, but he's never felt like this about someone before, a friend he trusted so much (aside from Will of course).

Tilian looks like he's about to say more, but as he's taking a step towards Jon, his foot catches on the drop tarp and he's nearly sent sprawling to the floor. He nearly lands on his face, but Jon reaches out and catches him by the waist. "Oops sorry!", he grunts out in his raspy voice. Jon looks amused though. "Jeez, and I thought I was the Mess." Jon laughs at his own bad joke. Thankful for the distraction. "What would you do without me?". Tilian gives him a small smile. "Honestly," he says while centering himself, "I'm pretty damn glad I have you."

It doesnt seem like Jon can escape the tension in the room. There's something electric between them. Tilian straightens up, but continues nervously.

"I just.. you were there for me at a really rough point in my life, and I really don't know how I would be getting through it without you. Truthfully, you're my bestfriend.", he admits shyly.

Jon is a bit speechless. He has this uneasy feeling in his stomach. He kinda wants to run away, but he can't make himself. He doesnt say anything back right away and he can tell Tilian feels silly for saying all that, he looks so vulnerable. He tries to set things right but Tilian quickly changes the subject.

"So uh, I might have a date tonight." He blurts out. That takes Jon by surprise. He is kinda thrown off by that. He doesn't mean to, but he guesses his face doesn't look to happy. Tilian hesitates before continuing.

"That's, uh. That's great dude. Who's the lucky guy?" Jon says casually, but it sounds too forced to his own ears. He should be happy for his friend, but he doesn't know why feels kind of pissed off. Tilian looks at the floor uncomfortably, fiddling with a nearby paint brush he must've picked up off Jon's easel.

"I...I don't have to go you know. It's just a stupid tinder match. I don't know why I even made it." He sounds unsure. Jon just huffs sounding annoyed. "That's dumb. Why wouldn't you go?" He doesn't know why he's being a dick. He immediately feels remorse when Tilian looks up at him like he's been slapped. "I-I dunno. I Just thought maybe you'd wanna hangout or something. Nevermind."

He turns to leave before Jon can say anything else. Fuck. The damage is done. "Til, wait!" Tilian looks back over his shoulder, and says icily, "I left the take out in the fridge. Don't wait up, I might be late." And he slams the garage door behind him. Jon just stands there a moment. Too numb to feel anything. Suddenly he grabs a can of paint and chucks it at the wall. "FUCK!" He screams to no one in particular. He grabs a fist full of his hair and let's go of the breath he was holding. He wonders what the hell is wrong with him.


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tilian goes out on a tinder date. It's not quite what he expected.

****Tilian makes a stop into his room to grab his wallet and phone before heading out. He pauses a moment to catch his breath. His eyes blur with unshed tears, and he's gripping his phone so tight, he almost cracks the screen. He doesn't understand why he's so hurt. It's not like Jon owes him anything. He's stupid to think this can go beyond being friends. He's straight as a rail. What did he really expect to happen when he told his friend he had a date? He feels so stupid now for going out of his way trying to change his looks in the hopes Jon would finally notice he was worth trying for. He's lucky he has someone like Jon as a friend. He shouldn't push his luck, it was silly to think otherwise.

Tilian should go out on the date, fuck it! He's single and been out of the game a while. Maybe he just needs to get laid. He takes a deep breath to calm himself down, and wipes his eyes. He opens up the uber app on his phone. His ride should be here in a few mins. He heads out to wait on the stoop for his ride, and lights up a smoke. He shoots the guy He's supposed to meet a text, saying he's on his way. He glances at the guy's profile pic again. He's decent looking. Messy brown hair, dark eyes, crooked nose. If he squints hard enough, he almost can pass for Jon in the dark. God he's so pathetic, pining after his bestfriend like this.

He's halfway through his smoke when he sees headlights coming down his street and stopping at the mail box. He flicks the stub of his cigarette and takes one last look back at Jon's bedroom window. He can see the soft glow of his bedroom light, muted by his blue curtains. He's almost tempted to cancel his date and go back inside. Maybe make up with Jon, and settle in for a night of movies, take out, and maybe a chance to doze off on Jon's shoulder. Sometimes that feels like it could be enough. He could pretend the man he's falling for, maybe loves him too. He wants to so badly, it aches in his chest. But he has nothing to be sorry for. Jon is the one being a dick.

He gets in the cab, and it speeds off into the night. The cab pulls up at the bar he and his date agreed to meet at for drinks. Tilian tips the driver, and makes his way to the entrance.

He gives the bouncer his ID and he's given a red stamp on his hand. The joint is a real dive bar. There are two pool tables on one side of the bar, with a couple of old, beardy biker looking dudes in the corner playing a game. Two guys are hooting and hollering, while the the third guy is nodding off at a table nearby with an empty scotch glass glued to his hand. Tilian saddles up at the bar and orders himself an old fashioned with extra cherries while he waits. The guy, (his name is Tom) said he was running a bit late. The bartender gives him a once over, and hands him his drink. He takes a tentative sip, and scrolls through his phone while he waits. He notices a text from Jon. His heart does a little flip in his chest.

He opens it up and reads.

Jon: 11:35pm- hey thanks for the dinner. I'll save you some. Lemme know if you need a ride.

The disappointment sits heavy in his gut like a stone. He throws back the rest of his drink and orders another, makes it a double, because why the fuck not? Another half hour goes by, and Tilian is already on his third whiskey when he feels a tap on his shoulder. He turns around and smiles lazily at this brown haired stranger.

"Hey, you must be Tilian. Your picture doesn't do you justice at all. You're gorgeous."

This guy is already laying it on thick, he's even going so far as to run his hand down Tilian's bicep flirtatiously. Tilian just smiles back lazily, and says, "You're not too bad yourself."

He's definitely a little drunk, but so far as he can tell, this guy doesn't seem to mind. He takes a seat with him at the bar, and Tilian is about to order him a drink, but Tom beats him to it. He orders another round, this time scotch. Tilian tries to politely decline, since he's still nursing his third drink, but the guy just tells him to toss it back and pushes the new drink his way. He doesn't argue, for fear of being rejected. He does as he's told, and immediately his head is swimming, he's definitely feeling it. No, actually that's not right. He's actually not feeling much at all. His head is finally quiet, and free from the anxieties of earlier. This guy is definitely trying to get lucky, and Tilian just might not care enough to let it happen.

After this guy finishes his second drink, they decide to go outside and get some air. Tilian stumbles off the bar stool, but Tom is already there with an arm out to catch him. He leads Tilian to the door, and once outside, spins him around and pins him to the brick wall. He's got one hand in Tilian's hair, and the other sliding up the back of his shirt. Tilian's brain finally catches up to the situation and he's kissing Tom back with a desperation so fierce, it scares him a bit. He closes his eyes, and let's his hands roam to the other man's face. He's got scruff, and hair just long enough to curl at the ends. He breathes in and he smells of smoke, cologne and whiskey. He deepens the kiss and Tilian moans into it shamelessly.

In that moment, all he can think about is Jon. Jon and his hands, with paint under his finger nails, and his golden brown eyes. His messy head of hair. That smile, when his eyes crinkle at the outter edges. His heart races, and he can't help the whine the passes through his lips, Jon's name on his tongue, like a prayer. He's shaking so hard with want, his heart feels like it might burst.

The guy doesn't seem to mind that he called him by another name. Instead he mumbles something about going out back in the alley. Tilian nods wordlessly, and follows the man beckoning him into the dark. A small part of his brain is screaming at him to stop, but he can't make himself care. He ignores the voice in his head and let's his body do the talking. Just for a night, he wants to pretend.

The rest is a blur of hands and teeth, groping, and scratching, sinking little hooks pulling him apart, silencing his breaking heart. This sought after relief, muting the pain of wanting what he can't have.

When it's over, Tom just pats Tilian on the cheek and says thanks, as if they've just completed a business transaction. He leaves him in the alley alone with his thoughts.

Tilian feels kind of hollowed out afterward, and even a little dirty. His legs give out, and he feels his back sliding down the wall. He sits there, head in his hands and wonders what the fuck did he just do? He doesn't hook up with strangers he met at a bar. He checks his phone and sees that it's 3:42am and he has 7 missed calls, all from Jon. He actually called him.

Tilian immediately gets sick off to the side of the alley. He clumsily stumbles his way out of the alley and to the front of the bar to be picked up. The cab ride home is awful. His head is spinning, and it's taking every ounce of sheer will not to be sick in the back of this guys car. When he pulls up in front of the house, Tilian just throws a couple bills on the seat and heaves himself out of the back seat.

He climbs the stairs to the front door, gripping the banister for support. He drops his keys twice trying to let himself in, but gets the lock on the third try. He tries to be quiet, as not to wake anyone. But just as he's almost to his room, the living room light clicks on and Jon is there sitting on the love seat looking pissed as hell.

Tilian tries to act casual. He feigns surprise, "Oh you're up?"

That seems to piss Jon off more.

"Uhh, yeah of course I'm up. You clearly can't check your phone unless it's for tinder apparently."

Ouch. That was harsh.

"I called you 7 times! I was trying to see if you needed a ride, and when you didn't answer I got worried." Jon is seething. Tilian doesn't think he's ever seen him look mad. He swallows the lump in his throat. Scrambling for something to say. Instead Jon plows on.

"So... where's your knight in shining armor?" he was wondering why Tilian came home alone. He half expected, half dreaded that Tilian was gonna bring his date home. He's relieved if he's being honest. But curious as to why he didn't. Tilian, looking visibly upset, pushes his way past Jon, ignoring him.

"I don't wanna talk about it. I'm going to bed."

That pisses Jon off. He grabs Tilian by the shoulder and roughly spins him around.

"We aren't finished here."

Tilian shoves Jon roughly away from him. Jon looks pretty shocked by that, but his expression immediately changes to a look of anger.

"What's your deal man? You're acting like a child!"

Tilian crosses his arms over his chest defensively. "Really? You were the one freaking out that I had a date! And then called me a hundred times because I wasn't at your beck and call!"

It's now apparent to Jon that Tilian has had too much to drink. He's never acted so moody or confrontational towards him before. "I was worried about you!" He exclaims. Like it should be obvious.

"I'm a grown ass man, I don't need you to be checking up on me!" Tilian spits back. Jon shakes his head.

"I didn't realize it's such a crime to care about your roommate!" Tilian looks hurt. "Roommate?", he whispers incredulously. Jon realizes what he said wrong.

"Til what I meant-" Tilian puts his hand up to stop him though. "No, no, no, let me get this straight. Just roommate? So fucking typical. You still can't say it."

Jon is seething. "Dude why the fuck have you been so weird lately?" Tilian just glares daggers. "You tell me.. roommate!" He spins on his heel and stomps off to his room. Jon follows hot on his tail. He tries to close his door in Jon's face, but Jon is too quick. He's already forced his way into Tilian's space again. Tilian finds himself backed into a corner, nowhere to run. His head is still spinning from the alcohol, and he feels sick. His legs buckle, but Jon is quick to catch him.

"Woah dude, you should sit down!" The anger is quickly replaced with concern. As he helps him sit down on the bed, Jon decides to take the space next to him. He sighs, frustration evident on his face. Tilian just has his head in his hands, not saying a word. Jon glances at him, frowning.

"What did I do? Why are you so angry? Did the date go badly? Til, talk to me."

Tilian manages to look up at him.

"I opened myself up to you, you asshole. I told you what you meant to me. I said you're my bestfriend, and you couldn't even say anything back. Do you have any idea how much it took for me to tell you that?" Tilian sits there arms crossed looking hurt, while simultaneously trying not to sway off the bed. Jon steadies him with a hand on his shoulder. He never meant to hurt him, he knows he should've said something back.

"Tilian, I'm sorry. Look you're my bestfriend-." But Tilian continues babbling.

"Annnnnd to top it off, my date wasn't even a date. He was an asshole looking for a good time. Kept trying to get me drunk. Only wanted one thinggg.. and I was so stupid.." He tapers off, suddenly sounding unsure. Jon whips his head up at that.

"Woah, what do you mean? Was this guy getting overly handsy?" He sounds like an overprotective dad, but he'll be damned if some douche was getting too pushy with his friend.

"Gimme your phone, I'll call this guy and set him straight real fast!" Jon reaches over Tilian to grab his phone from him. Tilian is holding his phone an arms length away from Jon at all costs.

"Nuh- uh. No way." (There are just some things on your phone you can't allow your best friend to see!) But Jon is a sneaky little shit and gets this devilish look in his eye. He tackles him and starts tickling Tilian, while reaching for his phone. Tilian is spasming and weezing from laughter. He's doubled over trying to protect himself. Looking desperate, he does the only thing he can think of. He shoves his phone down the front of his pants.

Tilian thinks he's outsmarted him. Jon looks flummoxed, but he persists. He's got one arm pinning his bestfriend to the bed, the other shaking it's way down to grab Tilian's phone. Tilian let's out a shriek, Jon's almost got the phone, when suddenly the bedroom door flys open, and in runs a sleep rumpled Will in his boxers, armed with a fly swatter.

He just assesses the situation and looks utterly bewildered. Jon is on top of Tilian, with a hand down his pants, and Tilian is laying pinned back on the bed, both of them have the decency to look embarrassed.

"What the actual fuck is going on in here? It sounded like somebody was getting murdered!", Will bellows.

Jon and Tilian look at eachother, and back at Will. "And what exactly were you planning to do? Beat the intruder with a fly swatter?" Tilian sasses. Jon just snorts out a laugh. They both are giggling, their earlier argument forgotten. Poor Will doesn't look amused.

"Oh as if either of you can talk right now, Jesus guys if you're gonna get freaky, atleast be quiet about it, or leave a sock on the door!" Will groans.

Tilian and Jon immediately look scandalized. "Wait no- that's not what this is!" Jon tries to explain himself while pushing himself off of Tilian, he tries removing his hand from his pants but gets his watch strap stuck on Tilian's belt buckle. Will shakes his head exasperated.

"You know what, save it. I don't want an explanation. Just keep it down. Some of us are trying to sleep."

Will retreats back out into the hallway, still equipped with his fly swatter. Jon just face palms himself, while Tilian bursts into laughter. He's gasping for air, rolling back onto the bed. Jon starts to laugh as well, and manages to free his hand. He throws a pillow at Tilian to silence him. The awkward fight forgotten for the moment. After a beat, Jon turns to Tilian and says,

"Look dude, I'm sorry I was a dick. It was uncalled for, and to be honest I don't know why I acted like that. Do you forgive me?"

Jon looks at him hopefully. Tilian gives a small smile, but nods. Jon just pulls him in and crushes him in a hug. Tilian awkwardly pats Jon's back and just let's this happen. After a moment Tilian coughs and speaks. "Sooo this is awkward but my phone is still  in my pants, and it's kinda buzzing..."

Jon springs apart from Tilian looking embarrassed. Tilian just unzips and pulls his phone out and sends it to voicemail. Jon looks at him questionly, and Tilian just says, "My date. Really don't wanna deal with all that." He looks embarrassed. Jon looks concerned, like he wants to say something else.

"Hey, speaking of which, I know I got weird about your date. I think I just got worried about you. You're a sweet guy, and I don't want anyone to take advantage of you. There's a lot of guys that don't deserve you." Tilian looks at Jon a bit forlornly and says, "Than who does? Because I gotta tell ya, nobody with good intentions seems to want me. And I'm starting to think there's something wrong with me."

Tilian looks so sad. Jon looks at him sympathetically, he places a hand on his knee. "There is absolutely nothing wrong with you, you hear me? I like everything about you. Even if you turn into sassy Tilian from time to time." He smiles sadly back at Jon and thinks about how he wishes Jon could love him back the way he wants. At that moment, Jon, with all the sincerity he can muster, looks at Tilian.

"You're more than some guy's one night stand." He tries to lighten the mood. "You're wife material, booboo." Tilian just slaps him away and laughs. He's glad they aren't fighting anymore. He doesn't like fighting with Jon.

"Oh, also. I know I don't say it enough, but you are my bestfriend, so don't ever doubt that. You mean more to me than you know." Jon looks so sincere, Tilian almost gets lost in Jon's eyes.

"I'm gonna go to bed, get some rest." Jon heaves himself up from the bed. Tilian's heart does a little flip. He says goodnight to Jon and watches him let himself out and close his door. Tilian flops back onto the bed, exhausted and already feeling hungover. He turns off his light and climbs under the covers. He just lays there in the dark, thinking about what Jon had said, heart racing. Jon is so good and he's lucky to have him, but Tilian knows in his heart that he is utterly fucked.

He's in love with his bestfriend.


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tilian and Jon discuss their fight from the night before and make amends. Jon asks Tilian if he would like to go to slam poetry with him.

The next morning Tilian feels pretty rough. It feels like somebody stuffed his head full of cotton, and his mouth with sandpaper. His stomach is roiling like an angry sea. He tries to hold it down to keep from getting sick. He slowly opens his eyes, but regrets it immediately when the sun is shining directly in his face, causing his head to pound. He flails around for his phone and finds it buried beneath his comforter. The time reads 10:37am, but it feels like he barely slept. He has work in less than two hours, but honestly he might just call in a favor from Matt, his co-worker in the studio.  
He flips through his contacts and finds Matt's number. He waits three rings, till Matt finally picks up on the fourth.

"Hey Til, what's up man?"  
Tilian holds the phone a few inches away from his face. It feels like its blaring in his ear.

"Hey Matt." He grunts back into the phone.

"Ooooh dude. You sound terrible." Matt sounds concerned.

"Yeah," Tilian admits.  
"That's kinda why I'm calling. Could you do me a favor and tell them I can't make it in today? I was stupid last night."

"Yeah man, dont sweat it. You never go out, so I gotcha covered. Nobody is recording today, so you're safe. Must've been a hell of a night. I'd love to know what you were up to." Matt jokes.  
Tilian winces to himself.

"Honestly, you and me both. I can't say I remember much. Anyway, I'm gonna get more sleep. I'll see you tomorrow. Thanks man."

"Later dude."

After Tilian hangs up, he tries to recall the events that transpired the night before, but he's struggling to remember. He sits up slowly, throwing his feet over the side of his bed. Hunched over with his head in his hands, he takes a moment to ground himself with a few deep breaths.

Suddenly the memories assault him all at once.  
His fight with Jon, the bar, meeting his tinder date...

Oh god.

He hooked up with that guy in the alley. Even though they didn't have sex, Tilian definitely feels sick about that. He never does things like that. Not his proudest moment. How on earth did he get home? He thinks about it and remembers the cab. Coming home... Jon was awake! He waited up for him and they had argued.  
Oh god.  
He feels even worse than before. He throws himself back on his bed and groans loudly.

Just than, Tilian is pulled from his self loathing by a knock at his bedroom door.

"Come in." He croaks hoarsely.  
Jon enters his room, bearing a tray of what looks suspiciously like breakfast and coffee on a bed tray. A possible truce of sorts. Tilian would look more amused if he didn't feel like utter shit. It's awkward for a beat, but Jon has always been good about breaking any awkward tension.

"So, how are you feeling big guy?" He says casually.  
Tilian clears his throat, trying to find the words.  
"Uhngh. I've been better.. look about lastnight.."  
But Jon stops him.  
"Look you don't have to say anything, I was a jerk. I shouldn't have been so weird about your date. I guess I was just worried."  
Jon nervously chews at his thumb nail. Clearly wanting to say more, but hesitating. Instead Tilian motions for him to sit down next to him on the bed. Jon sits down with the tray in his lap and takes a deep breath before continuing.

"So, I guess I've just been under a lot of stress preparing for the show, and the late nights, trying not to lose my focus. And I guess for some reason I took it out on you. I'm sorry I wasn't more supportive about you getting back out there and dating. You honestly are like my bestfriend next to Will, and I'm so damn happy to have you here man. Even if I don't show it often. I'm just a weird guy I guess."

Tilian feels at a loss for words. His heart feels like it's on the verge of filling and spilling, and yet it might break. Jon is so sincere about how he values their friendship and Tilian is so grateful. But he can't help but hurt at the fact that Jon doesn't love him in the way he wants. He knows he should be happy with what he has, so he tries to push down his feelings for their friendship's sake.  
He swallows the lump in his throat before saying what he has to say.

"It's really okay Jon, I'm sorry too. I was just feeling hurt, and lonely, and honestly a bit insecure. Mostly with myself, and maybe with where I stand in this friendship with you. But I'm really glad you care. You're the best friend I've ever had, seriously."  
He leans over to give Jon an awkward side hug without tipping his breakfast tray. Jon pats him on the back.

Tilian takes a look at the breakfast Jon made for him. He's honestly pretty impressed. He's usually the one cooking. Jon made French toast and bacon, and even remembered the coffee. He notices two forks on the plate and looks at Jon with a quirked brow. Jon shrugs and says, "What? I haven't eaten yet. Why did you think I made so much?"  
Tilian just laughs. His friend is such a dork. They sit on Tilian's bed, backs against his head board, sharing the plate of French toast. Will happens to walk by Tilian's open bedroom door, and just smirks and shakes just head. He mutters to himself, "Dude you are in so deep."  
Jon let's Tilian finish the rest, and looks at him.  
"Sooo... I know it's probably kind of weird, and probably not your thing, but I have this slam poetry thing later in the afternoon and I was wondering if you wanna come with me?" Tilian mulls it over while chewing. He swallows and says thoughtfully, "I've actually never been to one before. But if you're gonna be in it than of course I'll go."  
Jon looks excited, he hops up and says "okay awesome! Get ready and let's get going! I wanna take you early to meet some of the group!" He runs out and nearly crashes into Will on the way to his own room.

Tilian is dressed and ready in a little over 45 mins. He keeps picking and changing outfits. Trying to decide what he looks good in. Maybe what Jon would like.. NO. He has to stop that. Eventually he settles on a pink button up, dark wash jeans, and a mirrored pair of aviators. He messes with his hair in the mirror and let's out a shaky exhale. He's so nervous. He just wants to impress Jon and make a good impression on his art buddies. He spritz a bit of cologne and grabs his wallet and phone. Jon is already dressed and waiting on the sofa for him. When Tilian walks in, he almost swears Jon's eyes scan up and down his body. But it's so quick it's hard to be sure. "Wow you look nice Tilian. I've never seen you wear pink before." Tilian feels his face heat up out of self-consciousness. Jon laughs at his reaction. "Dude, stop overthinking, you look nice okay?" He looks at Jon and smiles shyly. "Thanks Jon."  
Something about the way Tilian says his name in his raspy soft voice makes something twist in Jon's gut. He clears his throat and says they should head out. He's out the door, and starting the car without waiting up. Putting space between him and Tilian.  
Tilian meets Jon out at the car and hops in the passenger seat. He buckles up and they both reach for the aux cord at the same time, brushing hands. Jon pulls his hand away fast, a knee jerk reaction. Tilian looks a bit confused, but plugs in his ipod and settles on playing some Paramore. Jon bops his head along despite not knowing the words. Tilian hums along softly, staring out the window. Eventually by the second verse he starts to sing softly, while chancing a glance at Jon.

"You got it, you got it  
Some kind of magic  
Hypnotic, hypnotic  
You're leaving me breathless  
I hate this, I hate this..."

Tilian eventually keeps shuffling through songs, and Jon just listens along trying to enjoy this sporadic trip. They should do more little road trips together. Tilian suddenly gasps and says, "Oh my God, I forgot about this song!".  
He puts on 'What I Like' by Bruno Mars, and sings along sassily.  
"C'mon Pop it for a player, pop it for me.  
Turn around and drop it for a player, drop, drop it for me."

Jon takes the opportunity to start yelling along, until they're both a giggling mess, smiling wide. He looks over at his friend and grins. He's such a big dork.

Before they know it, they're pulling into the cafe parking lot that the Slam poetry is held at. The place is called The Mad Hatter. Jon pulls into a parking space right out front.

A group of grunge and hipster looking dudes and chicks are all congregated outside in the smoking area, huddled around a dude with a guitar. He's strumming along to what vaguely sounds like an indie rendition of Mr.Brightside. He stops immediately though when he notices Jon, and stands up to greet him.

"Hey man! Long time no see. Where the fuck you been?"  
He grabs Jon and squeezes the air out of him, while Tilian awkwardly hovers nearby, playing with the hem of his pink shirt (which he now feels ridiculous for wearing. He sticks out like a sore thumb.)  
Jon manages to slip out of his friend's embrace long enough to cast a glance at Tilian and notices him looking a bit self-conscious.

"Hey Tim, I want you to meet my friend and roommate Tilian. Tilian, c'mere and meet my friend Tim."  
Tilian obliges, and goes in for a handshake. Tim grasps Tilian's hand and smiles at him warmly.

"Hey man, nice to meet you. Any friend of Jon's is a friend of mine. Jon, Will, and I all go way back actually. We all basically grew up together, and use to play together before Jon really got focused on his art."

Tilian looks at Jon and smiles at that. "Yeah, Jon seems to be a jack of all trades. I'm realizing that more and more." Tilian can't help but gush. Jon seems to blush at this.

"Well why don't we head inside and start getting ready." Jon says hastily. He seems uncomfortable with all the attention centered on him.  
The group disperses and they all slowly start to trickle back inside the cafe.

When they set foot inside, Tilian's immediately drawn to all the art work covering the walls. The entire place is pretty much graffiti everywhere, with paintings hanging all over the walls in frames. Tilian has a closer inspection and discovers that quite a few of them actually were made by Jon. He smiles to himself, ridiculously proud of his friend in that moment. He grabs Jon by the shoulder startling him.  
"Dude, I didn't realize so many of these belong to you. That's amazing. You're seriously so good." Tilian continues to gush over Jon, and Jon's friends seem to take notice and chuckle. Jon looks embarrassed but flattered.

"Ehh it's really not a big deal, seriously. I used to practically live here back in the day." Jon suggests they grab a table and guides Tilian to an empty one near the front of the small stage in the shop. He pulls the chair out for Tilian, unthinkingly. Tim takes notice of this and looks contemplative. Tilian smiles sweetly at Jon and sits.  
"I'm gonna go up after the first few people. But I'm gonna grab us some food first from the bakery case. What do you want?", he asks.  
Tilian bites his lip and looks hesitant.  
"Ummm. Its okay, I probably shouldn't." He declines. Jon just rolls his eyes at him.  
"Dude relax, I'm buying. And you're skinny, so don't worry about your figure, geez." Jon means to be teasing, but Tilian looks a bit self-conscious at that remark. Before he can protest, Jon is already walking to the counter, pointing at the row of cakes on display. He comes back a moment later with two plates.

He deposits them on the table and takes a seat next to Tilian, their thighs grazing eachother under the table. Tilian feels a bit light headed from the close proximity. Jon hands him a fork.

"The chocolate cheese cake is really good, here try some." He cuts of a chunk and attempts to feed a piece to Tilian. Tilian unable to tell Jon no, cautiously takes the bite from him, and is pleasantly surprised. He has to agree, it's pretty delicious. Jon gives him an I told you so face. They sit together for a bit, enjoying eachother's company, completely unaware of Tim watching them from a table over. 'Hmm. Are they seeing eachother? Did I miss something?' Tim thinks to himself.

The first few people go, and Tilian thinks this isn't really his thing. What's the point of yelling the poetry like that? A lot of it sounds kind of nonsensical to him, but he claps politely when each person finishes. Finally it's Jon's turn and Tilian automatically stands up and claps while Jon walks up onto the little stage. Jon looks a bit uncomfortable, but shrugs it off and pulls out a folded up piece of paper from his back jeans pocket. He steps up to the mic and clears his throat.

"Hi my name is Jon. And I'll be reading an original poem of mine, called Death of a Strawberry. Ahem..."  
Jon takes a small pause before he launches into his poem.

"Please make way for the special invented armor  
Mental protection if reality is raging harder  
Hello, Mister Mime; hello, Medicine  
I believe denial makes me hella intelligent"

Tilian finds himself so absorbed in what Jon is saying. His delivery is full of passion, the way he growls out the words feels like he's daring the crowd to defy what he has to say. The next line causes Tilian's heart to speed up.

"I know we trust each other; don’t fail the litmus.  
We all need partners for the pain of existence."

They lock eyes at that part. Was that on purpose? Could that be directed towards him? He feels butterflies in his stomach. Tilian can't stop trying to make eye contact with Jon. He's trying to find something hidden in his expression, but everytime they lock eyes, now Jon looks away.

  
"My bedroom chemistry set ended up on your Pinterest.  
Pledging allegiance to a few common interests.  
Claw my way to the top of the centipede.  
The sum of its parts is prescribing me symmetry.  
Every bone picked and decision was orchestrated.  
Cut the head off and the legs’ll call the action complacent."

Jon finishes, and says thank you. He hops off stage. He is followed by applause and excited chatter. Tilian shoots out of his seat and starts cheering. Jon's head whips in his direction, and he looks bashful. He is pulled aside by Tim and looks to be having an intense conversation.

Tilian walks over to them to congratulate Jon. Tim immediately stops talking when Tilian approaches. Instead he says congrats, and excuses himself to find his girlfriend. He smiles at Tilian in passing and pats his back.

"What were you guys talking about?" Tilian asks curiously. Jon just makes a face and says, "Nothing. Tim just has a strange perception of things. Its nothing. So what did you think of your first slam poetry meet?", Jon asks eagerly.

Tilian's eyes light up. "I thought you were fantastic. Especially around the middle, when you started talking about trusting eachother and partners. How did you get inspired to write it?" Tilian asks him feigning nonchalance.

Jon squirms a bit and scratches the back of his neck. "Uhh. You know, just something I thought of on the fly. You gotta improv some parts as you go."

Tilian feels skeptical about this. That part felt too intimate to be random. He doesn't push though. He'll dig later. The little voice in his head says to stop reading into things. He's gonna get hurt. But for once, he chooses to ignore it, as he leans across the distance and kisses Jon chastely on the cheek. Jon's face turns a bit pink, as he gingerly touches his cheek. He thinks to himself, 'Must be a gay thing. Pretty sure kissing cheeks is a thing that happens.'

Tim happens to be watching the whole exchange and just smirks.  
"Jon, you poor clueless dork." He mutters to himself.

They both stay a while to chat with Jon's old art buddies and shoot the shit. They're catching up with eachother, reminiscing over the old days, and talking excitedly about upcoming projects and showcases they're all elbow deep in.

Tilian eventually becomes super comfortable around Jon's crowd and even manages to be charming. He's laughing at stories about young Jon and gushing about his projects at home, and his upcoming show, as if he is the proud trophy boyfriend. Eventually somebody must get that impression, because one girl in the group (Tim's girlfriend he assumes) actually says,  
"Wow Tilian, you're so sweet to Jon. I'm glad he finally found someone nice to date and stopped just hooking up."  
An awkward silence follows. Jon nervously clears his throat and says, "Uhh... we're.. we're actually not together Lisa. And I'm not gay, sooo."

Tilian feels a bit embarrassed, and even a little hurt, his cheeks flaming red. He decides to order them lattes for the drive home, an excuse to flee. He bids them all goodnight, and stumbles towards the counter to order.

He places their orders, two mocha lattes, almond milk in his. He's standing at the counter waiting with his hands in his pockets feeling absolutely dejected. He couldn't have been wrong about the words in that poem. It felt too real. He can't be the only one that feels this between them. As he stands there pondering the situation while sipping his latte, Jon wanders over to him and makes his presence know by resting his hand between Tilian's shoulder blades. Tilian nearly spills his scalding hot latte all over himself, so startled by the contact.

"Hey, shit! Sorry didn't mean to scare you. I wasn't sure where you went. I'm ready to head out if you are." Jon looks pretty beat, it's been a long night of socializing and catching up with old friends. Tilian nods in aggreeance, and yawns.

"Here I got you a latte. We've got a bit of a drive." Tilian hands him his drink and Jon smiles at him graciously. 

"Thanks, you know me pretty well if you're ordering my coffee. Might have to keep you around."  
Tilian's heart skips a beat. He thinks, 'Keep me forever please.'

Jon opens his mouth to say something else. 

"Also.. I'm sorry about what Lisa said. She doesn't always have a filter. I'm sure that must've been insulting for you." Jon chuckles at his own joke, but Tilian must've missed what was funny.

"How would I be insulted?" He questions.  
Jon shakes his head and looks at Tilian.  
"Because why would you date someone like me? You'd have to have some pretty low standards. That's just insulting for you." Jon laughs again, but Tilian looks at Jon slackjawed. 

"Do you really think so lowly of yourself? Because you're a really amazing guy Jon." He blushes when he realises what he's said, but he finds that he doesn't regret saying it. Jon raises his eyebrows. He looks a bit taken back, like he's unsure what to make of the compliment.

"Well.. thank you." He looks bashful, he clearly doesn't deal well with positive attention.  
Jon is the first to break the spell. 

"I guess we should hit the road. We've got a bit of a drive ahead of us." He shoves a hand in his pocket to fish out his car keys. Tilian breaks eye contact, he distracts himself with the lid of his coffee.

"Y-yeah. We should go."  
He follows Jon out to the car, and waits while he fumbles with the keys, he seems almost jumpy. There's a slight tremor to his hand unbeknownst to Tilian. Jon doesn't know what it is, but Tilian makes him nervous in a way he's never felt. He unlocks the door and they hop in. Tilian feels tiredness pulling at his eyelids. He leans back in his seat, and settles in for the hour long drive. Jon pulls out of the parking lot and they drive into the night, headed down the highway in the black of night.

Tilian dozes for a bit, lulled to sleep by the car's thermostat and Jon humming quietly to the stereo. Tilian finds himself being woken up by Jon saying they're home. He heaves himself out of the car, still wobbly in the knees from sleep. Jon offers him an arm to steady himself. Tilian takes it, gratefully.

They trudge up the stairs and Jon let's them in. They say their goodnights and head to their separate rooms. Once safely within the privacy of his room, Tilian strips down and crawls into bed. He lays there restlessly, analyzing all the little things between him and Jon and what they could mean.

Little does he know Jon lies awake just over in the next room thinking about Tilian. Its just a wall of space between them, but it might as well be a mountain made up of all the things they can't say to eachother.


	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's a gorgeous spring day. Jon decides they should take a little roadtrip a few towns over, and check out the art supply warehouse. 
> 
> Tilian is all for it. But when Jon mentions a movie getting dinner, it starts to feel suspiciously like a date to Tilian...
> 
> Feeling hopeful could be dangerous.

Jon's been in a quiet frenzy. His art show is steadily drawing nearer. There's about a week left before his big reveal, and he's silently panicking. Tilian can read him like a book though. He can see right through his calm facade. He always manages to know when Jon is freaking out most. He's never too far away, ready with quiet reassurances and praises.   
Jon is so touched by the support, even if he doesn't verbalize his appreciation. He's just as supportive, especially when Tilian is feeling anxious and being hard on himself.

It's a particularly gorgeous spring day when Jon decides they could use a little trip a few towns over. He's itching to get out for the day. He really needs more paint and art supplies restocked, maybe he'll even treat himself to some nice new brushes. He's excited just thinking about it. What better an excuse to enjoy a nice drive, maybe even dinner? 

He goes to Tilian's room and finds him playing on his keyboard, singing softly. It's sounds really pretty. It's a rare treat when Tilian is feeling inspired to write music again, so Jon stops to listen for a moment.

" I was lost before I met you.  
Little sentimental fool.  
Writing my woes in to lines.  
Now whenever I look at you there's no way I'm gonna keep my cool.  
More lost now than ever before in your eyes..."

Whatever he's in the middle of writing must not be done, because he stops singing immediately when he sees Jon standing in the doorway. He looks as if he got caught doing something wrong. 

"Oh! Hey, what's up?" He says a bit startled. He's wearing his glasses, which Jon hasn't seen him in lately. He looks adorable, and Jon can't help but smirk.

Jon shrugs, leaning against the doorframe. 

"I was gonna see if you wanted to get out of here for the day. Maybe go a few towns over for a little day trip. I need some art supplies and I'm feeling restless."

Tilian smiles, he looks pretty enthused about the prospect of a day spent together, just the two of them. 

"Yeah, sure that would be really nice. I could use some time out of my cave," He jokes, while pushing his glasses back up the bridge of his nose. Jon looks pleased by this.

"Okay awesome. I was thinking maybe we could even get dinner, and explore the town. Just enjoy a nice evening. I'm gonna get my wallet, so we'll leave in 15 big guy. Oh, Coffee's on me."  
Jon smiles at him, and turns to leave. Tilian does his best to keep his cool, but he has the most intense butterflies in his stomach. 

'Is... is this a date? Did he just ask me on a date?' He wonders to himself. He cant help but feel hopeful. Tilian can hardly keep the smile off his face.

 

The drive there is honestly beautiful. They decided to take the scenic route along the coastal highway. The windows are rolled down, and Tilian has his feet kicked up onto the dashboard, aviators on. His smile is taking over his whole face, and Jon can't help but be happy too. It's infectious. 

They're both sipping iced coffees while Tilian shuffles through Jon's ipod. The sun is shining brightly, and Jon is enjoying life. He looks over at Tilian, and can't help the affection he feels for this guy. Who would've thought they'd have become so close; bestfriends even. It's been less than a year of living together, but he feels like he's known him all his life. Tilian has switched to his own iPod and is just singing along to 'Brass ring' by Tigers Jaw. 

He's looking out the window. His cheeks are a bit sunkissed, and his hair is messy from riding with the window down, but Jon can't help but think he looks really good. He looks happy. At that moment Tilian looks over and catches Jon staring. He grins a shit eating grin. His cute gap between his front teeth is on display. 

"Eyes on the road Casanova. I know it's difficult, but try." He says sassily. Jon just laughs and flips him off. 

"Sorry ma'am, couldn't help myself." He jokes in response. Tilian shakes his head and looks away and back out the window, still smiling. 

They continue for another 40 minutes until Jon decides to pull off to the side of the road. Tilian looks at him questioningly.   
"What are we doing?"  
Jon opens the car door and hops out. "We're just enjoying the ocean view for a sec. C'mon, the art supply store isn't going anywhere." 

Tilian obeys, and follows his friend. They walk to the edge and look out to the ocean. It's a steep drop, but the view is spectacular. The sun makes the ocean glimmer like jewels. Jon sighs happily, a warm breeze ruffling his wild curls. He's stretching his arms above his head with his face tilted skyward, eyes closed basking in the sunshine. His shirt rides up a bit exposing his hips and the happy trail on his stomach. 

Tilian tries not to stare, but he casually glances down and feels his face heat up a bit.   
Jon notices.

"Hey you're looking a little flushed, you getting sunburnt?" 

Tilian stutters, obviously caught. 

"Must not have put on enough sunscreen." He lies lamely.

"We should take a picture". Jon says suddenly. He takes out his phone and wraps an arm around Tilian, the ocean behind them. 

He pulls Tilian in close, heads pretty much touching. Tilian feels his heart racing, the warmth and solid weight of Jon's arm loosely wrapped around his waist, pulling him close. Jon has no idea what he's doing to him. He takes a few pics, and Tilian starts to head back towards the car, in order to avoid an uncomfortable situation.

"Wait! Let me get one more. You with the ocean behind you. I know you're an Instagram whore deep down." Jon laughs.

Tilian sighs, but decides to humor his friend, and walks back toward the cliff overseeing the water. 

"Alright, smile!"  
Tilian does, but only because Jon is ridiculous and adorable.   
"You're such a dork!", he yells back at him over the crashing of waves. Jon snaps the shot while making a face at Tilian to make him laugh. They both decide they should continue driving, so they take one last look out at the ocean and get going. 

When they pull into town, Jon starts to get excited. The art supply store comes into view, and Tilian has to admit it's actually pretty impressive looking. Jon is so amped, he jumps a curb, whips into a parking spot, and nearly flings himself out of the car before it's in park. 

Had Tilian not been slightly afraid for his life, he would find it amusing. Jon practically grabs him and drags him into the store. He is so enthusiastic, it actually makes Tilian's heart melt a bit. He loves seeing Jon get so passionate over his art. There's something so cute about watching him nerd out over brands of paint, and high quality brushes. 

They roam up and down every aisle at a leisurely pace. Jon is inspecting everything thoroughly before placing it in the cart with the rest of his accumulated treasures. Tilian is just mosying alongside him helping him pick paints and different sized canvases. While Jon is busy debating splurging on some oil paints and new brushes, Tilian sneaks away to look at some sketchbooks. He is thinking about getting a really nice brown leather-bound sketchbook as a gift for Jon. He sees a gorgeous one with stitching at the edges. It looks so soft and rustic. He picks it up decides it's the one. He goes back to the paint aisle in search of Jon. Jon is frantically waving him over. 

"Hey, looks like you're in heaven right now." Tilian chuckles. Jon looks so content, it warms Tilian's heart. 

"Ooh this paint looks nice." Tilian reaches to pick up a bottle of acrylic and show Jon. But Jon makes a face. 

"Ehhh. That brand is okay for acrylic. But lemme give you a crash course in paints real quick."  
Tilian smirks, looking amused but intrigued.   
"I'll try not to sound like a snob. Since Will says I tend to do that when talking about painting", he chuckles and continues.

"Okay so, I understand why people would choose acrylics. They're cheaper, quicker to dry, etc, blah blah. BUUUT oils are more pigmented, and the texture, Oh God! The texture is so good! Yeah it's a pain in the ass, and expensive as hell but it's worth it! Watercolors... pain in the ass, they're so soft and hard to get dark, rich colors, but that's the beauty of it.." 

Jon is moving around the store with the ease of a seasoned pro; Picking up different mediums, and showing Tilian each one. Tilian finds it so endearing. Goddammit he'll admit it, it's attractive as hell. Jon continues his quick lesson. 

"Gouache... I haven't tried it but I heard it's comparable to watercolors and acrylics. If they had a baby, you'd get gouache. Saying it out loud now, I realise that sounds strange but whatever. Uhhh, I'm sorry I'm just rambling."  
Jon looks so animated, his eyes are sparkling. Tilian feels like he's just been staring dreamily at Jon, so he straightens up and clears his throat. 

"Uhh, no not at all. I love listening to you talk about art. You're so passionate. And I'm learning a lot from you. Honest!"  
Jon blushes a bit at that. He tries to be modest.   
"Ahh, it's not anything special. I've just been doing this a while I guess," he gestures to Tilian to follow him.

They continue to roam a few more aisles, until Jon has to tear himself away from a display of verryyyyy expensive water colors. They check out separately, Tilian makes up an excuse that he's gonna use their bathroom, and finds another register to purchase Jon's gift. They meet up at the car and Tilian helps squeeze all the bags into the back of Jon's jeep cherokee. 

"Where to next?", Tilian questions.  
Jon has a mischievous look on his face as he starts the car. 

"Well, I was gonna surprise you since it's all you've been talking about, but there's a tiny theatre around here. I called ahead to reserve two tickets for Love, Simon." Jon looks at Tilian to see his reaction. The smile on his face stretches from ear to ear, showing off his cute gap between his front teeth. Jon secretly enjoys making him smile like that. 'He should smile with teeth more often', he thinks.

"Are you serious right now? Like, you're really taking me to see Love, Simon? No bullshit?", Tilian can hardly hide the quiver in his voice. He's happy, and a bit overcome with jitters about his thought from earlier.   
'Could this really be a date?' He wonders to himself. He was mostly skeptical, and really he was only fantasizing about it earlier... but what if he's not wrong? 

Jon interrupts his train of thought, "And I got us a table for after the movie at this Italian place for dinner. It's supposed to be amaaaaaazing. I'm so stoked. Little pricey, but fuck it. It's my treat."

Tilian smiles, but he sits on his hands in the car to keep them from shaking, all the way to the movie theater.   
(Ohmygodohmygod! This might actually be a date holy shittttt!)

Tilian is so caught up in his thoughts he doesn't notice they've pulled up to the movie theater. Jon is out of the car and waiting on Tilian. He takes a deep breath to center himself, and gets out of the car. They walk up to the theatre together, and Tilian debates reaching over and holding Jon's hand. His fingers twitch with anticipation. Jon steps in front of Tilian and holds the door open for him. He wants to melt. Tilian blushes, and squeaks out a thank you. Jon raises an eyebrow, looking amused. 

Jon pays for their tickets and says, "Do you want popcorn or anything?"  
Tilian thinks a moment.

"Hmm. Sure why not?" They get their concessions and quickly go find their seats afterward. Their seated in the way back, which is perfect.   
'Maybe I'll try to hold his hand,' Tilian thinks boldly. 

The movie starts and all thoughts of making a move are forgotten. The movie is adorable, and funny, and even heartbreaking at times.   
Tilian is completely sucker punched at the scene where Blue tells Simon he can't do this anymore, for fear of being outed. He actually starts crying when Simon and his mother have their heart-to-heart. 

('You get to exhale now Simon.')

Dammit. Dignity be damned. Tilian is definitely crying now. He tries to discreetly wipe at his eyes, but Jon must notice. He's startled to find Jon has reached over and taken hold of his left hand, and gives it a firm squeeze. Tilian chances a look at Jon, and Jon just gives him a comforting smile. He's reveling in the fact that Jon is holding his hand right now (Even if he is crying and feels gross). He holds it for the duration of the movie and Tilian's heart is wrecked. He can't possibly be misreading this, can he? 

Before he can think too deeply about what this means, the theatre lights come back on signaling the end if the movie. Jon quickly pulls his hand back, as if he were burned. Tilian is startled, but tries not to look disappointed.   
***********

Jon glances over at Tilian partway through the movie to see his reaction. He hopes He's enjoying it. He knows this movie meant a lot to Tilian when the trailers first came out. It's all he would talk about. He remembers the soft gasp Tilian made at seeing the story unfold, the coming of age story of a young gay kid. That kind of representation must mean everything to his bestfriend.

But when he looks over at him, he's surprised find his friend is crying. He looks like he's trying to cry discreetly, wiping his eyes on his sleeve. It makes Jon's heart ache. 

He doesn't even think about it, he just reaches over and takes hold of Tilian's hand. He gives it a squeeze, trying to comfort him. Truthfully he never thought about what it must be like to come out, let alone if you're outed against your will. And for that, he's grateful he's never been in the position. But for a moment, Jon imagines what it would be like if he was to come out. If he was gay..

For some reason the thought of him holding Tilian's hand feels strangely more intimate. He's startled to realize he's still holding his hand, and even stroking it with his thumb, in slow circles. 

Just than the theatre lights come on, and he jolts apart from Tilian. Jon feels guilty, like he was caught doing something scandalous. Why? He hasn't done anything wrong. He was just holding his bestfriend's hand. Bestfriends do that sort of thing all the time.. He tries to convince himself, but all of his excuses seem hollow. 

"Uhm... Jon?" Tilian pipes up shyly. Jon stands up suddenly.

"Wow, what a good movie. We- we should probably hurry and get to dinner. That reservation is soon!" Jon is bolting down the aisle and out of the theatre before Tilian has even stood up. Tilian feels confused, as he's left sitting there alone.

 

Jon splashes cold water on his face in the tiny men's room of the theatre. He's wondering what the hell his problem is, why he's acting like a spazz. He takes another second before finally exiting the bathroom. He finds Tilian standing over by the concession stand, staring at his phone with a tense look on his face. 

"Hey sorry about that, I had to piss.. What's up? You look upset."  
Tilian's gaze flickers briefly to Jon, and back down again to his phone. He's biting his lip. 

"It.. it's nothing. Don't worry about it." Tilian pockets his phone, and plasters a smile on his face, but Jon can see through it. He doesn't wanna push, so he'll try to talk to him at dinner. 

For now it looks like there's still 30 mins to kill before they need to make their reservation. Jon tells Tilian they're gonna stroll the boardwalk for a bit. The restaurant is right down the street so they can walk. They notice booths with games and prizes set up. Ring toss, balloons & darts, and of course the classic knock the bottles down with a base ball. Jon freezes in his tracks, and Tilian nearly plows right into him. 

"Jon! What are you..-"  
Tilian looks up and sees what Jon is staring at. Its a giant stuffed orange tabby.   
"Oh my God, it's so cute! It looks like Timmy! I want it." Jon's eyes are lit up with excitement.

Tilian chuckles, but stops. 

'Wait. I can totally win that for him,' he thinks to himself conspiritorally. 'Now's my chance to impress him.'  
Before Jon can say anything else Tilian saunters up to the booth and pays the man $5 for a bucket of balls. Jon's eyes go wide for a moment, than he finds himself breaking out into a huge grin. 

"Are you seriously gonna try to win me stuffed Timmy?" Jon asks skeptically.   
Tilian just smirks back at Jon over his shoulder.   
"Believe it or not, I was a sports guy growing up. Just sit back and watch a pro." He winks at Jon, feeling very confident for a change. 

And Jon is actually really impressed. And the vendor of the booth seems impressed as well. Tilian has a killer arm. He knocks down every single bottle without breaking a sweat. He doesn't even need the whole bucket of balls. The disgruntled employee of the booth begrudgingly hands over the stuffed cat. 

Tilian presents the prize to Jon smugly. But Jon is too excited to care about Tilian being a cocky bastard. He grabs at the stuffed Timmy, completely overjoyed. 

"Oh my god, I seriously can't believe you!" Jon looks ecstatic. "Where the hell did you learn to pitch like that, A-Rod?"  
Tilian blushes bright red, but he's still smirking. "I actually used to play little league when I was a kid. I was pretty good." He mumbles.

"Aww, I can kinda picture that. You all baby faced with your glasses," Jon says teasingly. Tilian laughs in response, his face is tinged pink. 

They circle back to the jeep to drop off stuffed Timmy just so they don't have to carry him around. They walk a bit along the boardwalk, just enjoying the salty ocean air, and the sunshine warming their skin. Tilian keeps looking at his phone every few minutes and making a face. Eventually Jon has to stop him and ask what's up. They're a few feet away from the restaurant, when Jon pulls Tilian aside.

"Hey, hold up a sec. What's up?"  
Jon has a hand on Tilian's bicep. Tilian looks at him, a bit confused.   
"What do you mean?" He says.   
"I mean, why are you glued to your phone? You're checking it every 5 seconds."   
Tilian looks a bit embarrassed. He's biting his lip, looking unsure.

"Okay.. don't be mad at me..," he starts. Jon raises an eyebrow, and says, "Why would I be mad?"  
Tilian is staring at the ground. He mumbles something that Jon can't quite make out. 

"What?"  
"IsaidJonnykeepstextingme!"  
"...."  
"...."  
"..dude, nooo. C'mon," Jon says eventually.   
"You know he's bad for you. Don't do this to yourself again." 

Tilian huffs a bit offended.   
"I'm not doing anything! He's just texting me. I'm keeping it casual. Nothing is gonna happen alright? He left me! He made it very clear the last time we spoke that I wasn't good enough for him, and he's right." 

Tilian sounds choked up at that last part. Jon's eyebrows knit together in concern. 

"Hey. Hey man, I didn't mean it like that. I just think he's a jerk. You don't need someone like him. You can do better."

Tilian just shrugs noncommittally, and hangs his head low. Jon hates how Jonny messes with Tilian like this. The last time Tilian heard from Jonny he was a mess for over a week. When Jon came home to him that time after a phone call with Jonny, Tilian was wrecked. He's not gonna let this guy fuck with his bestfriend's heart.   
"C'mon, let's go get our table. It's almost time for our reservation. Don't let him get you worked up." 

Tilian walks towards the door, shoulders slumped. Jon hates seeing him upset. He decides right than and there that he's gonna make sure Tilian has an amazing night. Jon sprints ahead and opens the door for him, Tilian looks up, the surprise evident on his face.   
"After you." Jon says, smiling.   
Tilian blushes, and crosses the threshold into the dimly lit restaurant. 

It smells heavenly upon entering. Fresh garlic and basil is pungent. Jon feels his mouth watering. He flags down the hostess. 

"Excuse me, I have a reservation for two. It should be under Jon Mess."   
The hostess smiles brightly in her red lipstick and all black work ensemble. Her name tag reads Tiffany. Tilian notices she's extremely attractive, and all legs. She bats her lashes at Jon, but he is staring intently at Tilian. Tilian shivers. 

She leads them to a small booth in the way back away from the other diners. They squeeze into the booth together. Jon's knee is resting gently against Tilian's. Tilian feels himself flush at the contact. He feels hot all over. The hostess grabs them some menus and lights the candles in the center of the table. Tilian swallows nervously when Jon's hand brushes his reaching for the menus at the same time.   
He nervously squeaks out, "Could we get a bottle of wine?!"   
The hostess smiles and winks. 

"Sure, we have a great selection of reds for tonight. Might I suggest the 1991 Italian house red, cabernet?" Tilian just nods vigorously. She saunters away, and is back in a flash. She sets them down two wine glasses and a bucket of ice for the bottle.   
She pours them their wine and says their server will be with them momentarily. Once the hostess is out of ear shot, Jon nudges Tilian. 

"Hey. I just want you to know something. I know you don't think you can do better than Jonny, but seriously dude, you can. You're a catch. He manipulated you, and you deserve so much more. I mean that." Jon has the most tender look on his face. Tilian almost can't take the intensity of Jon's gaze. He anxiously takes a huge sip of wine. 

"Thank you. Really. Thank you Jon. I really want to believe that. It's just gonna take some time. He really hurt me."   
Jon nods sympathetically.

"Well I've got nothing but time. So I'm here for you when you start to doubt yourself."   
He clinks his glass against Tilian's.   
"You're stuck with me. Hate to break it to ya." And he gives Tilian finger guns with his free hand. Tilian laughs, a genuine smile breaking out over his face. He returns the gesture, any tension now dissipated. 

They place their orders, and keep laughing and sipping on wine. Flickering candle light dancing across their faces. The warm glow of the restaurant creates this cozy atmosphere. They feel like they're in their own little bubble. Tilian keeps thinking how handsome Jon looks. Jon says fuck it and orders them another bottle. He can't help but find it super endearing how red Tilian gets when he's wine buzzed. 

Jon and Tilian demolish a basket of garlic bread, and continue to sip on wine. Jon has Tilian laughing so hard at something silly, that by the time their food comes out, Tilian is already pretty tipsy and flushed. It smells absolutely delicious. Jon offers Tilian a bite of his linguini. He twirls it on the fork and holds it up to his mouth. Tilian hesitantly takes a bite. Tilian thinks it  
feels pretty intimate. 

The hotess just happens to walk by at that moment and her eyes go wide. She smiles at them and gives Tilian a conspiratorial wink. Tilian nearly chokes on his food at that. Jon gives him a look. He tries to act casual. "Sorry. It was hot." Tilian lies.

They finish up their dinner, and Jon suggests they get dessert.   
"Dude I don't think I can eat another bite. That was really delicious."   
Jon just looks at him skeptically.   
"Uhh yeah. We're not leaving till we try the cannolis. C'mon we'll share it."  
Tilian concedes. It's impossible to say no to Jon.   
The hostess brings over a small plate of cannolis, but leans over to whisper something to them. 

"Hey. These are on the house. I figured you guys are having such a nice date, so this is on me." She smiles at them warmly. Tiffany is gone so fast, Jon doesn't get a chance to correct her. He just looks at Tilian, and laughs sheepishly. 

Tilian finishes off the last of the wine, and Jon let's him since he has to drive.  
They get the check and Jon just snatches it from Tilian, refusing to let him pay. True to being a gentleman. Tilian tries to protest, but Jon isn't hearing it 

"I told you it's on me. Don't make it a big thing."   
Tilian just sighs, and lets him pay. They get up to leave, and Tilian sways a bit. Jon reaches out to steady him with both hands.

"Woah there, big guy. Looks like you're tipsy. Let's go walk it off on the beach for a bit." Jon suggests while he chuckles at his friend's unsteadiness. Tilian nods, he has this dorky smile on his face. Feeling satiated and a little giddy from wine, he agrees. This is probably the best date he's ever been on, and he doesn't want the evening to end. It only serves to reaffirm what he's known for a while; that he's in love with Jon. 

They make their way down the pier, following the lamp lights like stars. They stroll down the ramp to the beach and their feet immediately sink into the softness of the sand. They walk on the beach and get as close to the water as they dare. Their hands practically brushing in the dark. Tilian is tempted to lace his fingers with Jon's. His hands are shaking at his sides. 

They eventually come to a good spot to sit in the sand together. It's a breathtaking starry night, and the crashing of the ocean waves serves to drown out the traffic in the distance. Despite it being a warm spring night, the cool ocean breeze causes the skin on Tilian's arms to prickle. He shivers, wrapping his arms around himself. Jon takes notice and starts to remove his jacket. He wraps it around Tilian's shoulders. Tilian thinks his life couldn't get any better in this moment. So he dares to lean into Jon's touch, starved for the contact. He snuggles into Jon's jacket, and rests his head on Jon's shoulder. Jon doesn't seem to mind much. He very carefully, he has his arm draped around Tilian's waist, barely touching. 

Hesitantly, Tilian pipes up and says, "Jon?"   
In his soft spoken voice.  
Jon glances down at Tilian. "Yeah, Tilian?" He replies.  
Tilian pauses a second, nervousness almost winning. 

"I'm having a really great time. Thank you, for being you." He says shyly, his voice shakes a bit.  
Tilian closes his eyes, and just goes for it. 

He leans up a fraction, and kisses Jon on the cheek, ever so gently, right there with the moon and stars as his witness. His heart is hammering away in his chest; he doesn't want to break the spell. Jon stiffens almost imperceptibly. He tries not to let it show, but he's a bit confused as to why Tilian did that. Maybe the wine went to his head and he's just a bit cuddly, he tries to reason. His skin is buzzing from the contact though. All he is aware of is the feeling of Tilian's soft lips hesitantly brushing his jaw, his nose rubbing against the pulse point of his neck. Jon is trying to control his rapid heartbeat. He coughs and tries to gently lean away to put a fraction of space between them.

They sit there a while under the stars, listening to the ocean waves crash endlessly against the shore. Jon feels Tilian's head start to droop against his shoulder. He's starting to doze off. Jon thinks it's probably getting pretty late. 

"Hey Til, it's probably time to head out. You're getting sleepy, and I don't know if I'll be able to carry you to the car. Especially after that dinner." Jon teases him, trying to keep things normal. Tilian yawns, and swats at him.   
"Shuddup, jerk. Don't call me fat." He retorts.  
But he doesn't put up much of a fuss. They help each other up and make their way back to the boardwalk. 

The walk to the car isn't far at all. Jon sees it up ahead. He goes around and unlocks Tilian's door first. Tilian hops in, his hand lingers on Jon's arm for a moment. Jon pulls back and quickly shuts the door. He walks around to the driver seat. He starts the car and turns on the heat when he notices Tilian is shivering. He let's Tilian have his jacket for the duration of the ride home. He's dozing lightly in the passenger seat. The florescent lights of the neon signs are flashing across Tilian's sleeping face. Jon finds himself staring for a moment, when he remembers he's supposed to be paying attention to the road. 

Before he knows it, they're home. Tilian startles awake. He looks around a bit confused, till he realizes their home. They let themselves out of the car, and Jon fiddles with the keys to let them inside. Tilian looks pretty vulnerable, like he wants to say something. Jon fidgets under Tilian's gaze. 

"Uhm. Jon, I..."

But before he can say anything Jon blurts out,  
"Well that was fun. I'm pretty tired, I'm gonna go to bed. Goodnight dude." And he gently punches him on the shoulder like a bro for good measure. Jon escapes to his room. 

Once within the safe confines of his room, he let's out the breath he's been holding. He's unsure of why he feels so anxious about how the night ended on the beach. Tilian was obviously tipsy. And it was just a kiss on the cheek. He's sure his friend was just getting mushy and sentimental. That's all it was. How it made him feel is what really scares him though. His body is still tingling.

But despite what he tells himself, Jon can't fall asleep for what feels like hours.

 

Tilian is sitting cross legged on his bed, trying to understand Jon's abrupt departure. He thought the date went really well in his opinion. He's pretty damn sure tonight was a date. Maybe Jon is just being shy. Or maybe he's consciously trying to be a gentleman and not trying to rush the intamacy with a first date kiss. Tilian can respect that. Hell, it actually makes him love Jon even more. He's also never been with a guy, so this is new territory. He's willing to go slow.

He tries not to dwell on it. Instead he lays in bed, basking in the happy glow of a perfect first date. He lies awake for a while, imagining a future that lies ahead of him with Jon Mess, and all the possibilities.


	10. Chapter 10

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The night of Jon's big artshow is here! He's been running on no sleep and things ha e felt slightly awkward between him and Tilian since their 'not date'.

It's finally here. The day of Jon's artshow. And Jon is being absolutely manic. He's gotten absolutely no sleep the past 3 days and he's all caffeine and nervous energy. Tilian is about to strangle him. They've been a bit awkward around each other since the 'maybe date'. 

Will came home about 3 days ago to support Jon on opening night, and even he notices the tension between them. The household is chaos; between Jon acting like a psycho, throwing things around at odd hours in the garage trying to add the finishing touches on his final piece, and Tilian following Jon around like a lost puppy, trying to calm him down and get him to actually sleep.

Will walks into the kitchen the morning of the big day to find Timmy curled up sleeping on the breakfast bar, while chef Tilian is making them all breakfast. He's in a pair of dark grey joggers and a light grey tank top. His hair isn't styled like it usually is. He's all morning bed head fluff, and his face is pretty scruffy. He looks exhausted. 

The coffee pot is full to the brim and Will is elated. Nobody has really slept much since Jon has been so on edge about the show and being up at all hours. By the looks of it, this is the second pot of coffee Tilian has brewed, because he already has a full cup and his hand has a slight tremor to it as he whisks the eggs.

"Oh thank fuck. You made coffee." Will says exasperated. Tilian just yawns and nods sleepily.

"Hows our boy doing?" Will asks.  
Tilian just looks back over his shoulder at Will and rolls his eyes. 

"I finally had to send him away to get me a pack of smokes from the corner store. He's driving me nuts. He needs to sleep for like, at least 2 hours. He's insane right now. I can't get him to relax."

Tilian sounds like a girlfriend harping over Jon. Will rolls his eyes good naturedly.   
"Well honestly I'm just glad you're here Til. I felt bad leaving him alone while I'm on tour, but you've been a real friend to him. I think he needed this."

Tilian looks caught off guard by Will's admission. But he smiles back.  
"Honestly Will, I'd do anything for him. He's been so good to me. He's really helped me through this break up. I don't know what I'd do without him."

Jon chooses to make an appearance just at that moment, before Will can say something. He looks utterly exhausted. He has purple under his eyes, and his hair is completely disheveled. More so than usual.   
He yawns loudly, while tossing Tilian his pack of marlboros. Tilian catches them one handed and gives Jon a wink.

"Dude you look like shit. Go get some fucking sleep. I beg of you. We're like a fucking hive mind, we're all suffering!" Will pleads.

Jon just flips him off, and walks over to the coffee pot and pours himself a cup filling it to the brim while looking directly at Will. He does it to deliberately spite him. But Jon is so tired he actually overfills his cup, sloshing coffee all over the counter. He fumbles with the roll of paper towels, trying to sop up the wet counter; thus proving Will's point.

Will just smacks his head on the table top and sighs dramatically. Tilian deposits a plate of eggs and bacon in front of Will to ease his suffering. Will peeks one eye out from under his arm. He looks grateful. Tilian forces a plate into Jon's hands and looks at him pointedly, almost daring him to refuse. Jon surrenders, not willing to piss off momma bear Tilian. All he's lacking is an apron. Jon snorts at his own joke, and Tilian just raises an eyebrow at him, clearly unaware of what's so funny.

The three of them all sit around the table, eating in a mutual silence. When Tilian finishes, and scrapes his chair back and says he's gonna go outside to have a smoke. Jon rolls his eyes, but Tilian catches it.   
"What?" He says tiredly.

Jon just shakes his head and says, "You should really quit. It's bad for you, that's all."   
Tilian's eyes go wide. But he shoots back with, "Well sleep deprivation is bad for your health too. But here we are. Also you bought them for me. So I don't wanna hear it."  
Will just looks back and forth between his two friends.

"Jesus, married much? You guys want some privacy?" Will chuckles into his plate of eggs.

But Jon is clearly not amused by that, so he roughly pushes his chair back and mutters about taking a nap. Tilian calls after him.

"There's clean sheets in the dryer!"  
Jon just groans in reply.  
Will looks at Tilian with raised eyebrows.

"What?" Tilian asks. "You know as well as I do he doesn't change his sheets often enough for a grown ass man." He has his hands on his hips like a total mom.  
Will just shrugs and mumbles.   
"I wouldn't know anything about his sheets.. but apparently you do."

Tilian turns bright red. He sputters and makes a hasty retreat out the back door to go smoke.

 

 

Jon wakes up from his nap feeling somewhat refreshed. He blearily looks at his phone and squawks at the time.

"Shiiiiiit! I gotta get ready!" He flings himself out of bed with too much momentum and ends up on the floor with a loud bang. Tilian heard the crash from the bathroom. He pokes his head in to check on Jon and finds him on the floor tangled in his sheets.  
Jon looks up at Tilian with a grumpy look on his face. Tilian is standing in the door way in nothing but a towel, and his toothbrush hanging out of his mouth. They just stare at each other till Tilian slowly retreats and closes the door behind him.

Jon emerges 20 minutes later in a red turtleneck, and dark Jeans. His hair is its usual untidy style. Tilian looks at him approvingly. He's just so authentically 'Jon'.

"Okay I gotta get there early to set up. I've already got all my shit packed, so I'll meet you guys there. How do I look?"  
Jon gives a quick spin. 

"You look great. Don't be nervous. I'll text you when we get there. Break a leg.. actually no. I feel like you'll find a way to do that for real. Just.. good luck."

Tilian pulls Jon in for a hug. He lingers a bit longer than necessary, but before he pulls away he whispers in Jon's ear.  
"I'm so proud of you. You're gonna be great."  
Jon blushes and mutters a thanks. He's out the door so fast he nearly trips on Timmy.

Tilian chuckles to himself. He finishes getting ready and styling his hair. He yells at Will to hurry up and He's texted his co worker Matt to invite him along as well. Oddly enough, it seems Matt is mutual friends with Jon and Will's friend Tim as well, from the slam poetry cafe. Small world.

Jon is pulling up to the gallery. His hands are shaking as he unloads all his paintings. He has some help setting up thanks to one of the curators he's gotten pretty chummy with. His name is Kurt and he's a pretty cool dude.   
They have pretty much everything set up, so Kurt tells him to just sit tight while he helps some of the other artists get their displays ready for the show.

Jon finally has a moment to himself to breathe and check out some of the other artist's pieces.   
He's gotta admit, there's a lot of interesting style pieces here. So many mixed media projects. A few sculptures. Various oil paintings. He strolls around for a bit taking it all in.

He's so distracted he doesn't even notice that the guys have arrived. He spots Will and Tim first. They're laughing about something, and Tim is rolling his eyes. Than he notices a guy just behind them with a long beard and a fuck ton of tattoos. He assumes that must be Tilian's co worker Matt. Actually.. he thinks he might know him. He mentioned he'd be coming as well.  
Matt looks back at over his shoulder as if he's waiting for someone.   
Jon notices Tilian walking in at last.

The air is completely knocked out of Jon's lungs.

Tilian is dressed to the nines. He's dressed so suavely in a black fitted pair of dress slacks, a black pair of ankle boots, a white short sleeved button down, and a skinny black tie. His hair is slicked back and he's carrying a huge bouquet of roses, and what looks to be a gift bag.

He's looking around, and finally locks eyes with Jon from across the room. Jon feels the whole room of people fall away. It's like he has tunnel vision, and all he can see is Tilian. He's suddenly a little less nervous. His best friend is here. He smiles at Tilian.

Tilian and the gap between his front teeth, and his freckles that trail down his neck, and his nervous habit of picking the skin off his thumbs.

Damn.  
Jon doesn't know why he feels the way he does. He's suddenly overcome with a strange feeling he can't quite identify. He assumes it's just fondness for his bestfriend.

He's jerked back to reality by Will waving his hand in front of his face.  
"Earth to Jon! Hello?"  
Shit.

"Ahhhh, what did you say?" Jon answers sheepishly.   
Will follows Jon's line of sight to Tilian. He looks back at Jon and rolls his eyes.

"Jesus this is gonna be a long night. I should've hit the bong,"  
Will mutters to himself.

"Hey! Sorry I was a little late." Tilian appears at Jon's side."I was grabbing these from the car. Here, they're for you." He thrusts the bouquet and bag into Jon's arms.   
Jon's eyes widen and he blushes a deep pink.   
"O-oh. Really? You got me flowers? You didn't have to do that." He sounds so flustered all of a sudden. Tilian is just smiling shyly at Jon.   
"Yeah, I know but I really wanted to. It's your big night!" He looks so hopeful, its overwhelming.

  
Matt, Tim, and Will are all giving each other the side eye, standing a few feet away. Matt nudges Tim to get his attention.  
"Jesus Tilian isnt even trying to be subtle anymore is he?"

"Nah, I guess not. I actually thought they were dating when I met Tilian at slam poetry night." Tim chuckles, "But Jon cleared that up real quick. I've only ever known Jon to be straight. He's hooked up with too many chicks, not to be."

"Hah!" Will interjects. "Jon is absolutely oblivious when it comes to people flirting with him. I've known the guy since we were kids, and he's always just been clueless. He's a weird guy, but hey, got nothing but love for him."

Will doesn't mention that he thinks Jon might actually be into Tilian as well. That's up to his bestfriend to disclose if he decides to go that route. He's clearly coming to terms with something, so he has to figure it out for himself.

Jon interrupts his friends gossiping to get their attention. 

"Hey you guys can go mingle and whatever, there's food and stuff." He says a bit hurriedly. 

Will follows Jon's line of sight and sees a man with silver rimmed glasses, a goatee, and a red scarf hovering just off to the side admiring Jon's work. He's speaking to a colleague dressed similarly, and they're both nodding with approval. Will takes a hint, and he ushers his friends outside, saying something about an open bar. Matt and Tim follow Will, not needing to be told twice.

Tilian however is still looking at Jon, biting his lip. Jon grins at him.

"So you wanna personal showing?" He jokes.   
Tilian giggles, eyes shining brightly.   
"If you insist. But I get a personal showing whenever I sneak peeks at you painting in the garage."

Tilian realises what he said. He looks mortified.  
Jon on the other hand is flattered.

"You do? Really?"  
Tilian looks unsure if he should come clean.  
"Uuhm. Well.. Yeah, I do. I'm sorry. It's just that you're so talented. It's amazing to just watch you be so focused on what your working on." 

Jon actually laughs.  
"Its okay. I'm not offended. That's strangely flattering, and something I'd probably do."

Tilian smiles sheepishly. Jon remembers something.

"Oh, thank you for the flowers, by the way!" Jon says suddenly. He didn't mean to be rude. He's just super distracted.   
Tilian smiles at him and shrugs.  
"Its really okay Jon. It's a crazy night for you. If it's easier I can go make myself scarce for a bit."

Jon hesitates before answering.

"Actually, I like having you here. Kinda makes me less nervous." He mumbles so only Tilian can hear.  
Tilian blushes. Before he can say anything else, the man in the scarf that was hovering before, strides over purposefully to Jon.

"Mr. Mess I presume?" The man extends a hand to shake Jon's. Jon obliges, looking rather awkward.   
The man wastes no time. He launches into introductions.

"My name is Charles, and this is my partner and associate Henry," he gestures toward the man beside him in a blue sweater vest. "We are friends with the owner of the gallery, and I must say,  Henry and I are both very intrigued by your work. I'd go so far as to say we're fans. I'll cut to the chase. We are interested in buying several of your pieces in addition to hiring you for a private commission. I'd love it if you'd be willing to accept."

Charles glances at Henry and they both smile back at Jon. Jon looks like he's about to fall over, so Tilian reaches out a steadying hand and supports Jon's back. Jon snaps out of it and says,  
"Yeah! Uhh, Absolutely, I'd be happy to."

Charles smiles at that and says,  
"Fantastic. We can exchange info and we'll be in touch to discuss the project in mind. Also I've already spoken to the curator Kurt about which paintings of yours we want to purchase."

Tilian not wanting to be in the way, takes a quick moment to nudge Jon.

"Hey I'm gonna take the guys and head out. Just to give you a chance to wrap up here. I'll meet you at home, we'll celebrate."

Tilian pulls Jon into a tight embrace, face smushed into the crook of Jon's neck. Jon lingers for a moment in Tilian's hold. Tilian pulls back and says with such fondness, "I'm so proud of you."   
He grabs Jon's bouquet and forgotten gift bag, and heads in the direction of the open bar to find the guys.

Jon still smiling goofily, turns around to face Charles. Charles has an affectionate look on his face. He puts an arm around Henry's waist.

"My, my. You have a very supportive partner as well Mr. Mess. He seems so proud of you. That's so nice to see. Reminds me of my Henry."

It suddenly dawns on Jon what Charles meant by Henry being his 'partner'. He feels like such an idiot.

Unsure of what to say Jon just laughs nervously, while scratching the back of his neck. He mumbles something about going to find Kurt and get these paintings wrapped for them to transport home. He's sure his face is bright red.

Jon pops outside to get some air. His face feels flushed. His phone pings. When he checks it, he sees that it's a text from Tilian.

(10:05pm) Tilian- Hey, I bought us some boxed wine.. the big one lol. Sweet red hope u dont mind. Hurry up!!! I wanna celebrate. So proud of u! :)))

He thinks about what Charles had said about them being a couple. He shivers.


	11. Chapter 11

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The guys celebrate Jon's successful big night. After everyone else leaves, and Will goes to bed, it's just Jon and Tilian sharing wine. They get drunk and some truths come to light.

Jon pulls into the drive way and sits idling in his jeep. He takes a moment to calm himself. He feels like a bundle of raw nerves, pulsating with electric currents. His skin is absolutely buzzing. He can't explain it, but something feels different tonight. He feels like he's standing on the edge of a cliff deciding whether or not to jump.

He can't stop thinking about what Charles had said about him and Tilian, insinuating that they were together. He doesn't know why he's so affected by it. He also doesn't know why he didn't correct him. He tries to shake off his nerves. He takes a deep breath, and gets out of the car.

When he sets foot through the front door, he's immediately assaulted with confetti to the face.

"Congratulations!", the guys scream in unison.   
He's picking the confetti streamers out of his face and hair, and turns to find Tim huddled in the corner looking guilty as fuck.

"Yesss! Hehe, I knew you'd hate it!" He silent cheers to himself, confetti popper still in his hand.

Jon is grinning at him, but it looks very unsettling. More like Christian Bale in American Psycho.

"I think I might kill you Tim." Jon says while looking scary calm.

Tim lets out a sharp 'EEEP!', and takes off into a sprint towards Matt, using him as a human shield. Matt is just sitting there with a beer in his hand, looking amused. Will comes up behind Jon and throws an arm around his shoulders.

"Congrats man! You fucking did it. Now you won't be a starving artist." He jokes while ruffling Jon's messy curls. "Beers on you for the next month!"

Jon looks at Will skeptically.

"You won't even be here idiot, you'll be on tour. Also I'm nobody's sugar daddy." Jon slips out of Will's hold.

Tilian comes from around the breakfast bar and hands Jon a beer. He smiles at him affectionately.

"Congratulations Jon, you really deserve this. You've worked so hard."

Jon feels that crackling electric sensation when he reaches for the bottle of beer, and his fingers brush Tilian's. He nearly drops it from his shaking fingers. Will smirks at his fumble, and shakes his head.

The guys all hang for a bit, joking around and enjoying each other's company. Matt goes into a detailed explanation of how to propagate succulents to Tilian, if he wants to start a small indoor garden on his windowsill. Will and Tim are discussing a new song Will is working on. Tim is suggesting different chord progressions.

Jon is just sitting at the breakfast bar watching his friends, feeling contented. He really does love these guys. He didn't even realize he'd actually known Matt at one point a few years earlier. They'd met through Will and Tim. It's funny how close knit everyone in the music scene is. 

The guys stay and hangout for a while, congratulating Jon and having a few beers. Eventually Matt and Tim head out together since they both rode in Matt's car. Tim is giggly drunk.   
Matt says, "Alright, I should probably get drunkzilla home."

Tim is hanging all over Matt for support, and flushed in the face.  
He fires back with, "You're drunk! I'm Tim!"   
He proceeds to fall back into a fit of giggles. Matt rolls his eyes good naturedly.   
"Sure thing Tim."

After they leave Will says he's probably gonna go to bed too.  
"I'll leave you kids to party. Dont do anything I wouldn't do."  
Will winks at Jon, and Jon flips him off.

After Will's bedroom door softly clicks shut, Tilian looks at Jon mischieveiously and skips off to his room. He returns a moment later with a box of Franzia, sweet red wine.   
Jon raises an eyebrow at him, very much amused.

"You were seriously stashing that away? You're such a girl." Jon teases him. Tilian just clucks his tongue, mock offended.

"This is the thanks I get for trying to celebrate my bestfriend's accomplishments?" He pouts at Jon.

Jon just shakes his head, grinning like a mad man.   
"You're just so extra, it's hilarious."

Tilian smirks in response, looking over his shoulder while pouring himself a glass of wine.  
"Yeah but you love me."

Jon feels his heart stutter at those words.

He decides he's done enough thinking and stressing, and decides to just let loose and get shit faced for once on cheap wine with his bestfriend. He's earned it after the months spent toiling away in his studio, working his ass off for opening night. It was all worth it. He can finally relax.

Jon and Tilian celebrate well into the night and get drunk on boxed wine. Tilian has his Ipod connected to the bluetooth speaker in the kitchen. At one point Jon winds up having to change out of his turtle neck because Tilian spills wine down his shirt from laughing so hard.

Tilian continues to laugh even harder when Jon comes back out in another shirt nearly the same shade of red, but a short sleeved t-shirt instead.

"Jesus how many red shirts do you own dude?" Tilian can't stop cracking up. He thinks it's hilarious. Jon tries to look offended but is way to drunk to care.

"Hey, I'm a simple man, with simple tastes. Why get caught up in consumerism and brands? My plain shirts are fiiiine."

Tilian shakes his head and giggles. He's equally inebriated at this point, but takes another long sip of wine.

"I'm not saying they don't look good on you. You always look soooo good. Ugh, seriously I can't stand it. Red is your color."

Jon blushes a deep shade of red to match his shirt. He looks uncomfortable with the compliment.

"I'm.. I'm okay. I'm nothing special. I'm just a weird guy."  
He mumbles.  
Tilian shakes his head and looks at Jon solemnly.

"Jon, not to cross any boundaries.. but if I'm being honest, you're absolutely gorgeous. You're handsome, and rugged, and artsy, and strange as fuck. But you're also so kind, and you get so passionate about things you care about. It's just super attractive to me. Like... I just really love your laugh too. Who you are as a person, is just really beautiful."  
  
Tilian has almost no filter right now. It's definitely a case of liquid courage. And Jon is so caught off guard. He shyly looks up at Tilian, almost searching for something in his expression.

"You really see all that in me?"  
He says in amazement. He shakes his head in disbelief, but he can't look away from Tilian.

Tilian just nods. "Yeah Jon. I see you."

Jon looks like he wants to say something. He hesitates for a moment, before eventually deciding to speak.

"So. Since we're being honest..," Jon slurs slightly. "I know this probably sounds weird. But.. I just really love your smile, okay? I know that probably sounds random, but hear me out! It's just, really cute with your gap. I know you dont like it, but I love it. It's adorable. I kinda just thought you were adorable when I met you. I dunno. You were just this sweet, shy guy. You, and your long hair and glasses, and your soft voice. I kinda wanted to get to know you. I dont know why. I've never just looked at a guy before and thought, 'Oh hey, wow! I really wanna be this guy's friend.' There's just something about you Til."

Tilian feels like he stopped breathing. He's taking a sip of his wine to cover the fact that he's shaking. He tries to sound unfazed.

"You.. you thought I was cute?" Tilian squeaks out. "But.. why? I absolutely looked and felt my worst when I met you. I was in such a bad place. I honestly didn't even like myself." He admits.

Jon studies him for a second.  
"I hate that you felt that way about yourself. You're really something special. Sometimes you can just look at a person and know, ya know? And I like you."

Jon's voice shakes a bit admitting that last part.

Tilian is buzzing in a way that has nothing to do with the wine. They both just look at eachother for a moment, something intangible passing between them.

One song ends and another begins playing over the speakers.

"Oh, I love this song," Tilian sighs. Relieved for the distraction.

Kissing in cars by Pierce the Veil pours from the speakers. He looks at Jon with such a soft look on his face.

"Jon dance with me." He says.

Jon swallows nervously. He tries to laugh it off.

"Ehh I really don't dance. It'll get ugly fast, trust me."

Tilian gazes at him, and says a little more boldly,  
"Let me rephrase that... Jon, may I have this dance?" He takes Jon's hand in his.

Jon really takes a look at Tilian. His eyes are sparkling, his face is flushed, and his hair a bit messy. The top three buttons of his shirt are undone, and it truthfully might be Jon's undoing. He can't stop the smile spreading on his face, or the 'Sure' that comes out of his mouth.

He pulls Tilian flush against him, chest to chest. He's emboldened by the alcohol. They start slow dancing in the kitchen in their socks, sliding around and giggling quietly. The moonlight is spilling in through the window, casting silhouettes; the music is softly playing in the background.

They gently sway together, both very drunk, getting dangerously close. Tilian sighs audibly, his head resting on Jon's shoulder. Jon has a hand on the small of Tilian's lower back, the other pressed between his shoulder blades. He can feel Tilian's heart racing through his shirt. Tilian's arms make their way loosely around Jon's shoulders; the fingers of his right hand are playing in Jon's curly hair affectionately.

Eventually their foreheads are pressed together. Jon feels Tilian's breath on his lips. Jon's hands make their way slowly to Tilian's waist, thumbs grazing the exposed skin of his hips. He shivers from the contact.

This tension between them is thick, it feels like the static in the air before a storm, seconds before the first lightning strike, before the sky opens up and you're left drowning in the downpour.

Tilian can't hold back anymore. It's too much. He can't deny his feelings for one more second. Confessions start spilling out of him without a second thought.

"Jon.. I need to tell you.. I've been keeping something from you."

He hesitates a moment, but when he looks into Jon's eyes, it urges him on.

"I'm.. I'm in love with you. I thought maybe I could ignore it, or it would go away, but I can't keep this up anymore."   
Looking into Jon's eyes, he leans in the two inches of space separating their lips, and kisses him with every ounce of love he can muster.

Jon is caught off guard, his lips are on fire, nerves blazing beneath his skin. It's only a second of hesitation, but he is immediately kissing him back. His tongue is running along Tilian's bottom lip. Tilian moans softly into the kiss. Jon didn't realise how much he's wanted this too. All the confused feelings are finally making sense now, and it terrifies the shit out of him.  All the tension and nervousness. His reaction to Tilian going on a date. The lingering looks, and the need to be close to Tilian. It finally clicks through his buzzed haze, the final piece falling into place. It feels so right.

It gets heated between them fast. Jon is pressed up against the counter, head smacking into the cabinet. Tilian has his hands all over Jon, as if he can't get close enough to him. He's grabbing his thighs, snaking around to his ass. Jon moans into the kiss, his hands making their way up Tilian's shirt, accidentally ripping a button off in the process. Tilian shivers from Jon's touch. Jon turns the tables, and manhandles Tilian so he's the one pressed against the counter. His back hits it with an 'oof'. They're both kissing each other breathless, as if making up for lost time. Jon has both hands on Tilian's face, thumbs brushing along his cheek bones while staring deeply into his eyes. Tilian's lashes flutter against Jon's cheek. He yields to Jon's touch.   
"You're so fucking beautiful Tilian." Jon whispers, just before rushing in to kiss him again. Tilian makes a small noise in the back of his throat, overcome with emotion.

He says between kisses, "I've wanted you for so long. I can't believe this is happening. I'm so in love with you Jon."

Jon freezes.

Shit.

Shit. The L word. Everything is catching up with his brain. Its suddenly all too much.

It's as if someone tosses a bucket of cold water on Jon, he suddenly sobers to the situation, and mumbles between kisses "Wait. Wait, slow down. Stop... Stop!"

He pushes Tilian away. Tilian is confused at first, uncomprehending of what's happening.

"Hey.. what's wrong? Jon?"

He tries to touch Jon's face, but Jon swats him away and says, "I'm straight. I can't do this, we're drunk... we're best friends, that's it. Things just got carried away..." Jon is pulling at his hair, clearly having a meltdown. Tilian tries to ease the tension with a joke.

"It didn't feel that straight when you were kissing me."

Jon just shakes his head. Refusing to make eye contact.

"Look I just can't. This was a mistake, I'm-I'm drunk. I don't love you, Tilian. I'm sorry!"

Tilian looks like he was slapped.

"Wh- what?"  
He's devastated. Eyes brimming with tears.

"You.. you don't mean that. Jon, Please. I know you feel something too. I didn't imagine this. Why are you doing this?"

Tilian is in tears. He tries one last time to draw him close, to kiss him, but Jon pushes past him, and says over his shoulder, "Just stop! I'm no good for you. I can't love you how you want."   
He leaves so fast, Tilian can't get a word in edgewise. Jon's bedroom door can be heard slamming.

Tilian stands alone in the kitchen, too stunned to move. He looks at the counter and notices the bouquet he bought Jon earlier for the art show. He suddenly can't breathe. His breath hitches in his chest.

That's when he falls apart. He's sobbing so hard, his legs give out and his back slides down the wall. His heart is absolutely broken. How could this happen? Jon was giving him so many signals, wasn't he? He kissed him back, he called him beautiful; he can still feel his lips tingling from the kiss. Tilian sobs so brokenly there on the kitchen floor. He tries to muffle himself by biting down on his fist, till he nearly draws blood. He's never felt so utterly alone. 

Will is asleep and he doesn't want to wake him, but he really needs somebody to talk to. He sniffles loudly to himself, and pulls his cell phone out of his pocket with shaking hands. He calls the only person he can think of who would probably be awake at this hour.

He calls Jonny.


	12. Chapter 12

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After being rejected by Jon, Tilian doesn't know who else to turn to. He calls Jonny.

Jonny is in his new apartment in NYC. He just flew in about a week ago. It's a 6 story walk up in Manhattan. He's leaning out on the balcony with a tumbler of whiskey in one hand, and a cigarette in the other. He's just flicking his smoke off the terrace when he hears his cell phone start to ring.

"Who the fuck is calling me right now?" He says more than a little annoyed. His face changes into a smirk when he notices a picture of Tilian flash across his caller ID. He picks up.

"If you've reconsidered my offer, and this is a late night booty call, I gotta say your timing is shit Til."   
Jonny chuckles into the phone.

He waits, but hears no response from Tilian right away.

"Bitch, whatchu calling me for if you're not gonna say shit?" Jonny gets impatient. That's when he notices Tilian sniffling on the other end. Jonny stiffens.

"Hey baby, what's wrong? Why you sad? Talk to me." He lays it on thick.Tilian drops the facade, and begins sobbing.

"Jonny I'm such an idiot." Tilian hiccups into the phone. Jonny tries shushing him.

"Shhh. Calm the fuck down. Stop being dramatic and tell me what's going on?"

Tilian sniffles once more before continuing.

"It's.. it's Jon. I told him I loved him.. we kissed. But than he pushed me away. He said doesn't love me." His voice cracks.

Jonny is actually kind of happy about that, in a sick sort of way. This guy rejecting Tilian just makes it easier to get him back.

To be honest, he didn't really plan on trying to win Tilian back. He thought that bridge was burned when he slept with other guys. Hell, after their last phone call, and Tilian's asshole roommate threw some threats his way, he backed off a bit. And if he's being an asshole (which he usually is) he just really wasn't all that attracted to Tilian anymore.

But he was checking up on his Instagram a few weeks ago and noticed that Tilian had suddenly gotten majorly hot. He'd cut his hair and gotten super fit, and tan. He was actually kinda pissed he hadn't done this when they were together. That's when he'd started texting Tilian again, trying to work his way back in.

Tilian wasn't so enthused about it at first. He was super cold toward him. Jonny had to actually put forth a little effort. Good morning texts, check up on him and ask how his day was going, tell him he looks really cute in his new pics, yadda, yadda.

But eventually Tilian let his guard down. Just enough so that he apparently thought he could call Jonny at 3am crying over another guy. Well, beggars can't be choosers. This is as good an opening as any, especially since Tilian has been rebuffing all his attempts at a booty call. Hah! His lame excuse was always the same.  
"I can't. I'm really into somebody right now. I might even love him."

It was a bit of a blow to his ego to hear that. Even more so now that he knows it was his doucher roommate Tilian was talking about.

But he knew eventually Tilian would give in. That's just how their relationship has always been. Jonny would fuck up and somehow talk his way out of anything. He could even manage to turn the tables and make it Tilian's fault. He was good at saying all the right things.

This time will be no different.

Jonny waits and listens to Tilian cry for a few mins. Than he makes his move.

"Hey, why don't you come to NYC and visit me for a few days? Like just test it out and see if you like it here. I miss you baby." Jonny says softly at the end.

Tilian's breath sounds uneven. He hesitates. Jonny thinks quickly.

"I mean, unless you really think your buddy Jon is gonna change his mind. But let's be honest, he doesn't know you like I do. He's gonna see past this 'new you' to the guy you used to be. Why start over when we have a good thing babe?"  
He hears Tilian gasp into the phone. Bingo. He knows just where to hit him where it counts.

"That's.. that's just mean Jonny. What the fuck? Why would I even wanna fly out to you after that?"

Jonny smirks into the phone and continues nonchalantly.

"I'm just being honest. You need to hear the truth. Look, just think about it. That's all I'm saying. I'll come fly out and get you if you change your mind. Goodnight Til."

And with that the line clicks dead.

Tilian is left sitting there in the kitchen more confused than ever before.

As if sensing his loneliness, Timmy pads over and boops his furry face against Tilian's hand. Tilian's eyes tear up, but he picks up Timmy in his lap and nuzzles the soft ginger cat. Tilian sniffles, a few tears escaping. He holds Timmy closer, and tries not to think about how the man that once fixed his broken heart, now is the reason for it breaking. He cries softly while holding the orange tabby cat to his chest.


	13. Chapter 13

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jon goes out to get some space and avoid awkwardness with Tilian. He bumps into an ex. 
> 
> Meanwhile, Tilian gets some sage wisdom from Will the wise. 
> 
> Misunderstandings ensue.

The next morning is a bit hazy. Jon wakes up with a fierce headache. He didn't get much sleep at all to be honest. By the time the sun started peeking out, was when his eye lids started to droop.

Last night was... intense. He definitely had too much to drink. He tries to reason to himself that it all just got a bit carried away, and it was a mistake, despite the way his heart races when he thinks about it. Tilian might not even remember it, though he doubts that. The look of hurt on his face nearly wrecked him. It almost made him turn around and...

He thinks about slow dancing in the kitchen with Tilian wrapped up tightly in his arms, all the little noises coming from him while they kissed. The kiss. (oh what a kiss..) Tilian's hands shoving him up against the counter, tangled in his hair. Tilian tasting like wine, and distinctly him. Jon blushes at the memory.

Fuck. Jon decides he doesn't wanna chance running into him this morning, and just avoid any potential awkwardness. He jumps out of bed and throws on a dirty pair of jeans, and shirt hanging off the back of his chair that says 'Chicken Nuggets' across the front of it.

Jon pokes his head out of his bedroom and scans the living room. Tilian's bedroom door is shut, so he must still be sleeping. Good sign. He tip toes out into the living room and through the kitchen. He almost makes it too the back door when he hears someone's throat clearing.  
"Well, you're up early. That never happens."

Jon nearly jumps out of his skin. He spins around and tries to look casual.

"Oh, hey didn't see you there. What's up?" Jon feigns nonchalance.   
Tilian looks like a mixture of annoyed, and deeply hurt.

"So, that's how we're gonna do this? You're just avoiding me now?"

Jon feels a pang of regret. He knows Tilian is probably hurting, and he's being an asshole. But this is all too confusing and he can't deal with it.

"Look.. I'm sorry about last night, but I really can't do this right now, Til."

Tilian looks at him in disbelief.

"Are you fucking kidding me Jon? You don't get to string me along for months, and make me feel like there was something between us, and then just bolt. I deserve more than that." Tilian looks so hurt.

Jon hesitates with his hand on the doorknob. He sighs deeply, and drops his head.

"You're absolutely right. Look I'm sorry. I never meant to hurt you, but I really didn't string you along Tilian. I think you're misinterpreting our friendship and how things were. We- we were both just really drunk, and things got carried away. We had too much wine, and we were just caught up in the moment."

Tilian's frown deepens. His face flushes while his eyes water a bit, but he doesn't cry.

"But.. this goes farther back than just one night Jon, and you know it!" Tilian insists.

"What about the date, the movie, and dinner..? You even held my hand! You acted like it was a date. You made me fall for you." He whispers the last part.   
"Christ, Jon. You took me for a walk on the beach, and gave me your jacket. What am I supposed to think that all means?"

  
"Well i-" Jon stutters, than takes a deep breath, trying to calm himself.

"It was just hanging out, like we always do. Like friends do. And-and I felt bad that you went through a shitty relationship-- Jonny was texting you, and you were sad. I just wanted you to see how you should be treated. You're completely reading into this wrong. Just because a guy is nice to you, and wants to spend time with you, doesn't mean they wanna fuck you!"

Jon sounds exasperated. Tilian looks like he took a punch to the gut. Wrong thing to say.

"How insecure are you Jon? I get that not every guy that's nice to me wants to fuck me. But I mean, that's clearly where your mind went, so have YOU ever thought about it?"

Jon pauses, perplexed by what Tilian is implying. The realisation of what Tilian is insinuating dawns on him. Suddenly turning an even deeper shade of red, he turns on his heel and stomps off.

"I'll be back later!" He yells over his shoulder, and slams the back door.

Tilian just stares after him, mouth hanging open in disbelief. After a beat, Tilian hears Will clear his throat. He spins around and Will is just standing there under the kitchen door frame.

"I need to fucking move in with Donovan if this keeps happening."

He mutters while walking past Tilian to the coffee pot.

"Shit. You heard all that?"  
Tilian looks mortified.

Will just shrugs a shoulder at him in response, slightly distracted with pouring himself a cup.

"You guys need to sort your shit out. It can't be getting all Grey's Anatomy up in here before coffee."

Tilian has the decency to look embarrassed.

"Sorry about that, Will. We didn't mean to get carried away."

Will looks at him sympathetically. He shakes his head tiredly.

"It's.. it's okay Til." Will sighs. "Sorry, I didn't mean to snap at you. Honestly I'd be lying if I said I didn't see this coming with you two. You've been crushing on him since day one. It was only a matter of time before something happened."

Tilian looks surprised.

"You knew? I thought I hid it really well." Tilian mumbles, sounding embarrassed.

"Dude, I knew you had feelings for him. Everyone knew.. I mean, except for Jon. You were pretty obvious. But it wasn't necessarily one-sided. I mean, it's just my opinion, but since you've moved in and shook things up, I've never seen Jon be so domestic."

Before he continues, Will scrunches his face in mock disgust.

"But the thing is, Jon has never been good at dealing with feelings. He may not even realise it, but look at how he acts around you, versus the rest of his friends. He's a total bro with us, but he definitely has a soft spot for you. I think now that he's forced to deal with crossing that line, it freaks him out. So don't take it personally if he's having some sort of gay panic, or commitment freak out, because it won't help the situation. He's gonna have to figure it out on his own terms. Just give him some space for now, and don't push him."

Will claps Tilian on the back, trying to be comforting. Tilian nods somberly, glancing at Will. He feels pathetic waiting around, but he sees where Will is coming from. He figures he might as well pass the time doing something constructive.

••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••

Jon ends up taking a walk to clear his head. He finds himself a few blocks over from the coffee shop, when he hears someone call out to him.

"Hey stranger! What are you doing?"

He turns around, and is face to face with Sarah. Shit. He's too hungover to deal with this.

"Where the hell have you been, jerk? I've been texting you to hangout." She punches him on the shoulder.

Jon chuckles, trying to be friendly.

"Hey, sorry I've been busy preparing for my art show at the gallery. How have you been?" Jon shuffles his feet awkwardly.

"Ehh you know, just been busy. I got a job offer designing logos for a skateboard company on the east coast. Guess they really liked my portfolio. So now I'm debating taking the job." She winks at him flirtatiously.

Jon blushes while scratching the back of his neck.

"Uhh, I mean that's a really good opportunity. Why wouldn't you take it?" He questions.

Sarah shakes her head, maintaining eye contact.

"I dunno, guess I'm just waiting for this guy to stop dragging his feet, and ask me to be his girlfriend already." She quirks an eyebrow at him.

Jon sighs audibly. He knows he should let her down easy, she deserves more than this.

"Sarah, maybe we should talk. You wanna go get a coffee a few blocks over?"

Sarah smiles at him, flashing her teeth. "Lead the way, Mess."

••••••••••••••••••••••

Tilian goes about cleaning the house up. There are still beer bottles and streamers everywhere from the night before. He grabs a trash bag from the kitchen from under the sink. Cleaning is his only distraction right now, so he throws himself into it. He tries not to look at the abandoned bouquet still sitting on the counter, for fear it'll cause a repeat of last night's breakdown. He has to take a few steadying breaths.

He goes about stress cleaning for a bit. He even mops and does dishes before Will has to physically drag him out of the kitchen.

"Your cleaning is stressing me out. Why don't you go for a walk or something and chill out?" Will huffs.

Tilian not knowing what else to do with himself decides to take Will's advice and get some air. It's 3:30pm and Jon still isn't back. He must still be avoiding him. Whatever, Tilian can play at that game too.

**************************

Sarah grabs a table by the window. Jon hands her a cup of coffee, and takes a seat across from her.

"So what did you wanna talk about?" She asks him quizzically, while taking a sip.

Jon fiddles with his cup nervously. He stirs in way too much sugar to his coffee and makes a face. He runs a hand down his face and takes a deep breath.

"So, I don't know how else to say this.. but I think you should take that job, Sarah. This is a huge opportunity and you deserve it. Don't waste your time here waiting on me. I'll never be ready, okay?" He fidgets in his seat.

Her faces falls a bit, but she recovers quickly with a smile.

"Okay.. where is this coming from? I get that you're always kind of skittish when it comes to commitment, but this is not what I expected." She crosses her arms across her chest.

Jon shakes his head, but keeps going.

"Sarah look, I'm the guy you hang out with till your husband comes along. We hooked up and it was fun, but I'm not the guy for you, I'm sorry." He leans back in his chair and takes a sip of coffee.

Sarah actually laughs and reaches across the table to squeeze his arm.

"C'mon Jon, be straight with me. Is there someone else?" She jokes. Jon pauses a moment before answering. The bell above the shop door jingles faintly over the chatter in the small cafe.

"I'm.. I'm not sure."

 

 

Tilian walks down to the coffee shop a couple blocks over and decides he'll get a latte. He takes his time, contemplating his next move with Jon. Things can't stay awkward like this forever. Will is probably right. He'll just give Jon some space, maybe that's all he needs. Tilian knows he didn't imagine this thing between them. You don't kiss someone like that, and write it off as nothing. Jon probably just needs time to process his feelings.

He finds himself outside the coffee shop. He walks in and the little bell on the door jingles. He scans the shop, but his eyes stop at a table to the far left by the window. His jaw goes slack.

Jon is sitting there with a coffee, leaned back in his chair, sitting across from Sarah, his sort of ex. She's laughing, and tossing her blonde hair over her shoulder. She reaches across the table and gives his forearm a playful squeeze that lasts just a little too long.

Tilian didn't even think they were still talking. Jon had said he was avoiding her since that night at the bar months ago. Tilian suddenly feels sick to his stomach; he wants the floor to open up and swallow him, he's so humiliated. He desperately hopes they didn't see him walk in. Quickly, he turns around to walk back out the way he came. He's so flustered, he accidentally clips a waitress on the shoulder, and sends a tray of coffees and food flying all over. It crashes to the ground with a loud clatter of glasses and dishes shattering.

Tilian's eyes are tightly screwed shut, he's visibly cringing. As much as he doesn't want to, he glances at Jon's table and sees that they've obviously noticed the commotion. Jon's eyes go wide when they see each other. Whether from embarrassment for Tilian, or for himself at being caught with Sarah. Tilian tries to talk around the lump in his throat, he kneels down and apologizes to the waitress for being so clumsy. She scowls and goes off in search of a broom.

He's helping pick up the mess of glass on the floor, and accidentally cuts his hand. He hisses in pain. It's not a bad cut, but it's definitely bleeding.  
He just wants to get out of there, fast before things can get worse.

As if on cue, Jon appears at his side with a napkin.

"Here, put pressure on that. You're bleeding." The concern evident in his voice.

Tilian pushes his hand away brusquely.

"Just stop, okay? I don't want anything from you anymore." His voice cracks with the strain of trying to keep it together. He seriously can't believe this is happening. Him and.. Sarah.

Jon's brow furrows, he looks torn.

"Tilian, please. I just... it's not.. It's not how it looks. I'm not trying to hurt you..." Jon sounds so conflicted.

Tilian can't stick around and hear anymore of this. It's too much.

"Just save it Jon!" Tilian stands up abruptly, and goes for the door. Jon grabs him by the wrist.

"Wait!" He pleads.

Tilian shrugs him off and looks at him.

"You know, as mean as Jonny was, at least he was upfront about being an asshole. He didn't hide it. But you.. you're so much worse. We lived together for months. You made me think I actually had a shot. You made me fall for you, and you're so much worse for that Jon."

Tilian shoves past Jon before he can say another word. Jon is left standing there feeling like the worst person in the world.

Sarah is just eyeing him from the table, silently watching the exchange that just went down. She isn't surprised, but that doesn't make it hurt less; Knowing that Jon is in love with someone else. Oh well, time to cut ties. She takes a deep breath.

Jon wanders back over to their table, looking ripped apart. Sarah sort of pities him.

"Jeez. I'm gonna go ahead and assume this is why you're not interested."

She has no malice in her tone. She's simply stating facts. She stands to leave, grabbing her purse and downing the rest of her latte.

"I'm gonna take that job. I got the answer I was looking for." She stops to give Jon's shoulder a squeeze.

"For what it's worth, you guys would be cute. Stop depriving yourself of happiness. Good luck with lover boy, Mess."

Jon stands there for a moment, too stunned to speak. She makes her exit, while Jon tries to make sense of his life as of now.


	14. Chapter 14

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sometimes goodbyes are ththe only way...

Tilian makes it a few blocks away from the coffee shop when he stops to catch his breath. He squeezes his eyes shut to avoid crying, arms wrapped tightly around himself. He jumps when he feels his phone buzz in his pocket. He fishes it out and checks it. To his surprise it's Jonny. He's sent him a selfie, and the text underneath reads 'Wish you were here.'

Tilian makes an impulsive decision. He calls Jonny, rather than text him back. He picks up on the 3rd ring.

"Hello?" Jonny says, sounding surprised.

"Were you serious?" Tilian demands, trying not to let his voice shake.

"About..?" Jonny let's the question hover. Tilian rolls his eyes at Jonny's aloofness.

"About wanting me back. About me coming to stay with you, you ass." Annoyance evident in his tone.

It takes Jonny a second to understand what Tilian is implying.

"Oh. OH! Yeah. Hell yeah! I'll buy you a ticket tonight if you want babe. We could be sipping champagne together by midnight, just say the word. I can introduce you to my mattress." Jonny sounds way to cocky, but Tilian ignores it.

"Actually I need time to pack and tie up some loose ends, so could you book it for tomorrow morning at LAX?"

Jonny hums into the phone like he's considering his options.

"Yeah. I guess that's alright. But don't take too long." Jonny sounds impatient.

"Alright, I'll call you tonight and we can work out the details. But Jonny, listen! It's not gonna be like it was before. You're gonna treat me right, or I'm gone, understand?" Tilian stands his ground. Jonny let's out a huff of laughter.

"Damn babe, I like this new feistier you."

Tilian rolls his eyes and says he's gotta go. With that, he hangs up. He let's out a breath he's been holding. His nerves are fried. This whole ordeal has left him feeling numb. Tilian doesn't know if this is the right call, but he doesn't think he can take much more of this emotional roller coaster. He might really do this, but he needs to work out what to say to Jon. His head is swirling with confusing thoughts, but his stubborn heart is yelling at him to stay.

This is the hardest part.

 

It's close to 10 o'clock when Jon let's himself in through the front door. He was too chicken to come right home after his fight with Tilian, so he figured he would give him some space to cool down at home alone. He doesn't bother calling out to let anyone know he's home. He assumes Will is out visiting his girlfriend before he has to get back on the road for a short summer tour, and Tilian is probably avoiding him, holed up in his room.

Jon sighs, a bit dejectedly. He wishes he could fix this. His heart aches, knowing he might've ruined his friendship with Tilian. He kind of wishes he could call Will and ask him for advice. Jon wanders into the living room, at a loss of what to do. He stops in his tracks when he sees Tilian sitting on the love seat; almost as if he's waiting up for him.

"Hey." Tilian says, sounding careful and measured. A complete 180 from his upset demeanor earlier. Make no mistake, Jon can see the hurt behind his eyes, and it makes his heart break knowing he did that to Tilian.

"I didn't know you'd still be up." Jon sounds nervous to his own ears. He mentally kicks himself for being so awkward. Things used to be so easy between them. Why did he have to fuck it all up?

"Jeez don't look so terrified. I'm not gonna go all Kill Bill on your ass." Tilian says, chin pointed up defiantly. "I've had time to cool off. I just wanna talk."

He's really trying to look like it doesn't bother him. Jon does his best to relax.

"So... let's talk?" Jon poses it more like a question.

Tilian gestures to the spot on the love seat next to him, but falters. The tension is palpable. "Or.. you could stand if you don't wanna sit... by me?" He finishes what they're both thinking.

Jon shrugs, and takes the seat next to Tilian. He figures it's just going to be admitting to the awkwardness if he stands.

They wait for one another to start. There's a stretch of silence, before finally Tilian begins.

"So, how is Sarah?" Tilian tries to sound casual, like it doesn't bother him, but Jon can tell it does.

"Look I know what it looked like, but it wasn't a date. I just bumped into her and we got to talking. It was nothing, honest." Tilian looks like he doesn't believe him, so Jon hastily adds, "I was trying to let her down easy. She's taking a job offer on the East Coast."

Tilian nods. Seemingly unaffected regardless. His mind is pretty much made up. This is just a Hail Mary at this point.

"Look," Tilian tries again.   
"I don't want to fight about what happened between us the night of your art show. We were drunk, and I admitted to having feelings for you.. to being in love with you."

Jon takes a sharp intake of breath at hearing him say that again, sober. His stomach flips pleasantly. It feels so much more intense hearing it again now. Tilian continues.

"So, that's on me. I just need you to be honest about what you feel for me.. what you felt that night we kissed. If it's nothing but friendship, than that'll be the end of it, I'll back off and I'll never mention it again. We can call it a drunk mistake. But..," Tilian sounds nervous, he swallows to keep his voice from shaking. He reaches over and grabs Jon's hand in his. Jon looks down at their joined hands.

"If you do feel something for me too.. than I wanna know. I don't wanna waste time wishing, and wondering, and pining over you. It's false hope, and it's killing me. It'll give me closure to hear you say it. And we can go back to being just friends."

Tilian pauses for a moment. Waiting to let it sink in for Jon. He looks considering under Tilian's scrutiny. Jon bites his lip.

"So... how-how do you feel?" Tilian asks nervously, his calm facade slipping. "Honestly?"

Jon glances up at him, and swallows before speaking. He knows what he's supposed to say, but the words keep getting stuck in his throat.

He looks at Tilian, truly taking him in. He looks so sweet and hopeful, biting his bottom lip, and a worrying crease on his forehead. He's nervously peeling at the skin around one of his thumbs with his index finger. ('It's his worst habit', Jon thinks fondly.) It's not even a question of whether or not he loves this big dork. Some part of Jon has known all along. He knows there's something more here, beneath what they already have, but he's too afraid to open that door and find out. Jon feels a vice grip around his heart. There's this nagging fear he'll fuck it up, and hurt him. Like he hurt Sarah, and the girl before her, and anyone's life he's ever touched. He just can't risk losing Tilian completely. He knows what he has to do...

("He deserves so much more than me,' He thinks bitterly.)

"I'm so sorry Tilian. I just.. I just don't feel that way about you. You're my friend, and that's it." Jon tries to keep his voice from cracking. He feels unshed tears burning behind his eyes. But he has to keep it together and get through this. It's for the best.

All the air leaves Tilian's lungs. He quickly pulls his hand away from Jon's. Despite his best efforts, he can't mask the hurt and disappointment he feels. He knew it was probably a lost cause, but it still hurts so fiercely and just as fresh as the first time Jon rejected him. Tilian remains silent, eyes trained on his lap. He just nods numbly in response, too afraid he'll break down if he tries to talk around the lump in his throat.

Jon tries to meet Tilian's eyes, but he refuses to look at Jon.

"Til?... please say something. Please? I'm so fucking sorry." Jon can't control the tremor in his voice this time. His hands are clasped so tightly in his lap to keep from trembling. He feels Tilian slipping away. He's shutting him out.

Tilian stands up abruptly, one hand covering his mouth. He just looks at the wall behind Jon's head, avoiding his eyes. He clears his throat before finally speaking.

"Okay. So that's it. I just wanted to know. I can move on.. and uh. We- we'll be fine. Just.. give me some time." Tilian's eyes are glassy but he keeps it together.

"Tilian wait, I never wanted to hurt you. Please listen." Jon begs. But Tilian just smiles brokenly at him.

"It's okay Jon. Really. I could never hold it against you for not returning feelings you don't feel."

Jon's heart breaks. He wants to scream it's not true. Tilian continues.

"And besides, you're out of my league. You're so incredibly kind to have taken me in, and be a friend to me when I needed it. I owe you for that. We're good, I promise. I'm gonna go to bed, okay? I'll see you in the morning."

He lies with every fiber of his being. He won't be here when Jon wakes. He heads in the direction of his room, but turns around to look at his face one last time.

"Goodnight Jon." He almost whispers, in his soft spoken voice.

Jon looks up at Tilian, eyes brimming with tears. He swallows thickly.

"Goodnight Tilian."

Jon waits till he can hear his footsteps down the hall, and his door click shut, before he let's a small broken sob escape.

One hand covers his face, while his shoulders shake with the force of his suppressed sobs. He sniffles quietly to himself. He must have been sitting there a while feeling sorry for himself, because he jumps when he feels a hand rest upon his shoulder.

He looks up, and is relieved to find it's Will. Will looks at him so sad and sympathetically.

"You okay buddy?" Will asks him carefully.

That's when Jon loses it.

Will is quickly sat down with Jon and pulling him into his arms for a hug. Jon cries quietly into Will's shoulder, while Will (god bless him) awkwardly pats his back and says, 'There, there. Let it out dude. That's it.' It just serves to make Jon cry harder. He's gasping in between sobs, his chest aches. He doesn't deserve the friendship that comes in the form of the great Will Swan.

A few minutes go by before Jon settles down. He pulls back from Will and wipes his nose on his shirt. Will wrinkles his nose in disgust. "Eww dude. Gross. You probably snot all over me."

Jon begins to laugh at that. A full belly laugh he didn't know he needed. God, what would he do with out Will? Will begins to crack up too. When their laughter dies down, he gets a serious look on his face.

"So, you wanna talk about what happened between you guys?" Will asks. Jon tenses for a second, before he remembers it's Will he's talking to. He won't judge Jon, so he relaxes.

"Uh. I feel like you probably know something happened between me and Tilian." Jon says quietly.

Will just looks at him with an eyebrow raised, giving him an unimpressed look.

"Yeah, no shit. I heard you guys having a lovers quarrel this morning. So spill your side."

Jon sighs, clearly not sure how to say this.

"We... we kissed. I think I love him Will. I've never felt like this about anyone before, and I'm fucking terrified."

Well. Will wasn't expecting him to come right out and say it. That saves him a lot of work.

"Shit dude, I could've told you that months ago. I mean, it was pretty obvious you both had it bad for each other, I just thought I'd let you figure it out for yourself. So... welcome to the gay club. I guess this is where I tell you that I still love, and accept you, and blah, blah, blah. Or you already know that goes without say, right? And we can avoid having a chick flick moment?"   
Will shoves him good naturedly.

Jon just rolls his eyes, and shoves him back.

"Screw you. And I'm not gay. At least I don't think so. Maybe I'm bi? I still like girls.. physically anyway. But I'm really, really attracted to Tilian."

"Well, yeah I mean that goes without say." Will retorts.

Jon goes quiet. He wipes at his eyes.

"I really love him Will. It scares me. I think I really fucked it all up this time. I told him I don't love him, but only because he deserves someone better."

Will looks thoughtful for a moment.

"Maybe try talking to him. Tell him how you really feel. It's not too late dude." Will looks at him sympathetically.

Jon just shakes his head. He looks wrecked.

"I'm.. I'm not good for him. I haven't always been good with relationships. I always push people away, or find some way to ruin it. He deserves someone normal. Not me."

"Okay. Shut up. Seriously. You're being way too hard on yourself. And to be honest, Tilian seems totally crazy for your brand of weird. You guys have basically been in a relationship the entirety of him living here. So stop feeling sorry for yourself and just go for it." Will lays down some tough love, but it needs to be done.

Jon just looks at him kind of shocked, but it seems to do the trick. He nods slowly.

"You really think we could make it work?" He asks.

"Yeah. I do. Shit, you've been doing just fine the past 8 months without me around to talk you through. I think you guys will manage to work out dating just fine. Oh, just don't have sex in the living room. I don't need to come home unexpectedly and walk in on that. Boundaries." Will adds jokingly.

Jon flips him off, but chuckles.

"Alright. I'll talk to him in the morning. Hopefully he doesn't hate me. Thanks Will. Seriously."

Will waves him off, but adds,   
"You're my best friend man. Don't get all sentimental about it."

They head to bed, and Jon lies awake for a while thinking about how he can make things right with Tilian.

Meanwhile, in the next room, Tilian is finishing up packing whatever he can squeeze into his duffle bag. His eyes are red and puffy. He managed to hold it together until he got to his room, before he broke down. He didn't think it was possible to hurt so much. But it's Jon Mess we're talking about, and he's damn worth a thousand heart breaks.

He's finished cramming a couple pairs of jeans into his bag. He turns to his dresser and notices the gift bag from the night of Jon's art show. He carefully picks it up and removes the sketchbook he purchased for Jon that day they went out of town together.

Flashes of memories come at him fast, and unrelenting.

Jon and him laughing on the sofa watching movies. Making breakfast for Jon while he sleepily sips his coffee, grumpy and disheveled. Jon holding him, and comforting him that night on the sofa after Jonny ripped into him on the phone, breaking his heart all over. Singing karaoke while looking into Jon's eyes, knowing he believed in him. He thinks of their unofficial 'date', and how Jon made him feel like the only person who matters in the while damn world.

He thinks of the first day they met.

Jon nearly knocking him off the front stoop, wild eyed, with his messy curls, and his stupid red shirt. Jon was a freight train, and Tilian gladly stood in front of him and let himself be taken down.

He gently runs his fingers over the spine of the book. He flips it open to the first page and stares at it blankly. Before he can think too much about it, he grabs a pen from his night stand and begins jotting down a note.

The words pour out of him, spilling onto the page, along with a stray tear or two. By the time he's done, he's wiping his eyes on his sleeve, and carefully places the open sketch book atop his freshly made bed. It's nearly 6am. He doesn't know where the night went, but he knows if he wants to leave before anyone wakes up he's gotta head out now. Quickly and quietly he gathers his things, and takes one last look around at what was once his room. His home.

Fuck.

Jon was his home.

He turns out the light, and closes his bedroom door. Just before stepping out the front door he feels a nudge at his foot. He looks down to find Timmy, purring loudly and rubbing up against him. He bends down and gives him a pet, biting his lip to keep from crying.

"I'll miss you Timmy. Make sure to look after Jon."

He straightens up, and let's himself out. The door clicks softly shut behind him.


	15. Chapter 15

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jon wakes up to find that Tilian has left unannounced. He's thrown into a panic and rushes to the airport to stop him from leaving...
> 
> (Also there will be 2 bonus chapters after this.)

The next morning Jon jerks awake unusually early. Normally he'd try to roll over and fall back asleep, but something in his gut doesn't feel right. He thinks back to last night, and how it went down with Tilian. His stomach clenches with guilt. He decides to get up and make some coffee. Tilian will probably be up, getting ready for his morning run. He can probably catch him on his way out the door and talk to him first. He jumps out of bed, and throws on a pair of sweats and his ratty red shirt.

It's unusually quiet when he pokes his head out into the hallway. He slowly pads into the kitchen and starts brewing coffee. He taps the counter, feeling anxious about the upcoming conversation.

Timmy rubs up against his shin, so he goes over to his bowl and pops open a can of wet food for him. The coffee finishes brewing, so he grabs two mugs from the cabinet; His Bob Ross mug for himself, and a cat mug for Tilian. He is generous with the cream and sugar in Tilian's, just how he likes it.

Very carefully, he carries the two steaming mugs to Tilian's room and gives a little kick with his foot to push open his door that's left slightly ajar.

"Til, I brought you some coffee. Can we talk?"

The door nudges open, but it's empty inside. Jon looks a bit confused. Did he already slip past him and head out for his run?

But he does a double take at his bedroom and notices its spotless. Things are missing from shelves, and Tilian's desk is completely cleared off of any mementos. Upon closer inspection he can see that pictures are missing from his night stand, and posters are gone from the walls. He sets the coffees down on his desk. Jon feels his heart drop into his stomach. His breathing picks up in speed when he wretches open dresser drawers, and sees that his clothes are gone as well.

Fuck.

Fuckfuckfuck!

Jon has both hands pulling at his hair. He feels like he's going to throw up.

It never even crossed his mind that Tilian would just up and leave. What the fuck has he done?

In the midst of his panic he notices a sketchbook laying open on Tilian's perfectly made bed. (Of course the big dork would make his bed before packing up and leaving.)

Curiosity getting the better of him, he picks it up and finds that there's a hastily written note scrawled in Tilian's unmistakable handwriting. His eyes scan the page, reading it.

Jon,  
I'm sorry to leave like this so suddenly, but truthfully we both know it wouldn't work with us living together after what happened between us. It hurts for me too much. Please tell Will and the guys I said goodbye. Also, I meant what I said about us staying friends, but I think it'll have to be from a distance. At least for a little while.

I wanted you to have this. I bought you this sketchbook the day we went into town. I meant to give it to you the night of your art show.. but I guess some things don't always go the way you plan.

Honestly that was probably one of the best days of my life. No matter what happened between us, I'll always look back on that memory and smile. Thank you for showing me how I should be treated by a guy, even if it wasn't your intention to be that guy. You really set the bar, and I don't know if I'll ever find anyone who comes close to you Jon Mess.

Also... please don't be mad. But I'm gonna stay with Jonny in NYC. He bought me a ticket for LAX, so I might already be gone by the time you read this.

I'm gonna test it out and give him another chance. I know you probably don't want to hear that, but I promise I'll be careful! And I won't take any shit. If you taught me anything, it's that I deserve better than what I got from him. And who knows, maybe he's changed. Here's to hoping...

I wish it didn't have to be this way, but I'm so in love with you and it's killing me. Maybe I love you too much, but because of that I can't stay. I'm sorry.

-Tilian

By the time Jon finishes reading it, his hands are shaking. He's trying to hold it together but he feels like he can't breathe.. he's lost him. Jon quickly takes his cell phone out of his sweatpants and frantically tries calling Tilian's phone. It goes straight to voicemail.

"FUCK!" Jon shouts in frustration. Before he completely spirals, a thought occurs to him.

Wait.

He scans the letter again quickly and notices that Tilian mentioned his flight was at LAX. It's a huge fucking airport, but what does he have to lose?

He barges into Will's room without even knocking, and just throws open his door.

"WILL GET UP, GET DRESSED! WE GOTTA GO!" Jon bellows, scaring Will out of a deep slumber. He looks sleep mussed, his fro sticking up in a million directions. He looks at Jon confused.

"Dude what the fuck are you on?" He asks groggily.

Jon, still clearly in a panicked frenzy, rips the comforter off of Will and shouts, "Tilian is gone man! His shit is gone, and he left a note. He's taking a flight from LAX to go live with Jonny in New York! We've gotta stop him Will!" Jon sounds like he's losing his shit. Will quickly jumps out of bed and grabs his keys off of his dresser.

"Shit. Alright, lemme throw on some pants and we'll go. I'll drive."

Jon just nods vigorously and paces the floor while Will throws on a pair of jeans. Will picks up his phone and makes a call.

"What are you doing? We gotta go man!" Jon snaps.

"Dude, shut up! we might wanna have Tim and Matt meet us there, that way we can cover more ground. LAX is gigantic, and if we want even a shot at finding Tilian before he boards, then we need to split up and rally."

Jon figures that makes sense. He sits down on Will's bed, head in his hands feeling utterly beside himself. Will makes the necessary calls to both Matt and Tim, explaining the situation quickly and asking them to meet them at the airport asap.

Jon is getting antsy as he corrals Will into the driver seat of his jeep and hands over the keys. Will peels out and they're flying down the highway at a speed even Jon has to admit is terrifying; and he's a shit driver. Jon keeps wringing his hands anxiously in the passenger seat. His mind is racing with all sorts of scenarios as they fly down the freeway.

What if Tilian is already gone? What if he finds him and he wants nothing to do with Jon?

Jon doesn't get to muse about it for long though. He's jerked back to reality by the obnoxious blaring of a car's horn, as they just miss having a head on collision. Jon immediately grabs hold of the dashboard. He's white-knuckling whatever he can grab hold of, as Will runs a red light and barely swerves out of the way of an oncoming car.

Jon's eyes are bugging out of his head. He turns to look at Will. He has this look of intense focus on his face that Jon has never seen before.

"WOAH! WOAHHH! Slow down Jason Statham, I wanna get there alive. I can't have my Ryan Gosling moment like in 'The Notebook' if I'm dead!" Jon yells.

"You won't have any kind of moment with him if we don't make it in time, so shut up! Let me drive!" Will argues back.

Jon just hangs on and hopes for the best.

Somehow, against all odds and despite Will's demonstration of reckless driving, they make it to the airport in one piece. Jon practically flings himself out of the car, and onto the asphalt. He looks a little green. Will just rolls his eyes.  
  
"Stop being overdramatic, we got here in record time. We're fiiiiiiine."

Jon throws his hands up in defeat. He's just glad they made it.

They text Tim and Matt to meet them inside. They enter a set of automatic doors and wait by a pair of escalators. Jon is looking at the floor, and anxiously tapping his foot. Will spots them first. Jon is a bit distracted, so he doesn't notice them right away. Will just face palms himself, with a look of disbelief on his face.

"You've got to be kidding me."

Jon looks up, curiously in the direction Will is looking. He sees Matt first, he's walking fast and appears to be laughing and glancing over his shoulder. His eyes roam a few feet behind Matt and spot Tim. Now Jon sees why Will sounded annoyed.

Tim is dressed in a Hawaiian shirt and pulling along rolling luggage behind him, smiling obliviously. When they're close enough, Will can't resist the urge to rag on him.

"Dude what the fuck are you doing? I said this was a rescue mission. Why are you dressed like that? And why do you have a fucking suitcase?" Will asks, exasperated.

Tim raises his eyebrows, looking confused.

"Wait. I thought you said we were boarding the plane. That wasn't the plan? I thought we were going to New York to bring him back." Tim gestures to his suitcase. "I bought a ticket and everything man, c'mon!"

Despite the circumstances, everyone manages a laugh at Tim's expense.

Matt is covering his face to hide his laughter, while Will is cracking up, near tears.

"No you idiot, I told you we were trying to find him and stop him from boarding. Still doesn't explain why you're dressed for a Hawaiian getaway."

Tim pouts, visibly irritated.

"Well, fuck me guys! I took off work and thought I'd make a vacation out of it! Sheesh!

Matt nudges Tim and whispers, "Dude, I told you we weren't boarding. You never listen."

Tim crosses his arms petulantly like a moody child, so Matt throws an arm around his shoulders, trying to cheer him up. Jon tries to get the guys' attention. Time is of the essence.

"Uhhh. As hilarious as it is to make fun of Tim, maybe we should focus on why we're here. I say we find out how many flights are headed to New York, and we can split up and check them all. If anyone finds Tilian, call me asap! I'll come to you, you just have to stall him long enough for me to get there."

"Okay, you heard him. Let's find Tilian guys." Will hustles them along. He turns to Jon and nods.

"It'll be okay dude, there can't be that many flights to New York. We'll find him."

Will heads off in the direction of the courtesy desk to ask about flight information.

They each set off in separate directions and begin searching.

*********************************

Tilian is sitting in the airport terminal waiting for his flight to start boarding. He's been stuck waiting for almost three hours, watching people come and go through a revolving door. His flight has been canceled 3 different times already, and he's getting upset. Of course when he finally decides to leave, fate has other plans for him. His life is a cosmic joke. Ha, ha. He scuffs his boots on the floor, fidgeting restlessly.

His phone died hours ago, and he honestly hasn't bothered to charge it, nor does he care. He'd already called Jonny around 5am to let him know he was leaving for the airport. Probably 8am on the eastcoast.

But honestly, he just didn't want the temptation there, in case he got weak and decided to call Jon.

Despite leaving Jon a letter explaining his abrupt departure, he can't help but feel guilty. It's like there's this invisible string tugging at his heart, pulling him back, keeping him tethered to Jon. It feels like no matter what he tells himself, he just can't sever it. He wishes he could cut ties and not feel a damn thing. Tilian feels his eyes begin to water at the unfairness of the whole situation. He wipes his eyes on the sleeve of his red flannel, trying to hide the fact that he's getting teary eyed in busy airport.

While he composes himself, someone plops down next to him on his left. He almost doesn't pay them any mind, despite his annoyance at his personal space being breached. That is, until the stranger clears her throat purposefully. Tilian turns to see what they want, and is surprised to find it's Jon's Ex, Sarah. She's clad in ripped black jeans, doc martens, and a sheer white t-shirt, her lips painted crimson red. She just exudes confidence in a way Tilian wishes he did. She's got her feet kicked up on top of his duffle bag, and doesn't look the least bit apologetic.

"You're Jon's loverboy. What are you doing here, handsome? And where's Jon?" She asks, not bothering to hide the fact that she's being nosy.

Tilian just sort of shifts in his seat uncomfortably, not sure if he feels like divulging to this virtual stranger. But she just stares at him expectantly, waiting for an answer, eyebrow quirked.

"I uhh.. I'm actually going to NYC.. to live there." He clarifies, when he sees her confused expression. "My ex lives there, so I'm gonna stay with him a while. Things are kind of weird with me and Jon right now, so I... I thought it best to leave." He adds lamely.

Sarah crosses her arms, and actually scowls at him. Tilian shrinks back a bit, actually intimidated by this tiny woman.

"You can't be serious. You're just gonna leave? Jon is crazy about you, anyone can see that."

Tilian looks taken back. He didn't expect this reaction from Sarah, considering her and Jon used to be lovers. He would've thought she'd be happy to hear this..

"Well, he flat out told me he doesn't feel anything for me, so..." Tilian trails off.  
"Wait," he says slowly. "Why are YOU here?"

Sarah looks bored, and rolls her eyes. "I'm going to New Jersey for a job offer. Jon didn't tell you?" Tilian mentally smacks himself. Of course she is.

"Okay, that makes sense. But why do you care if I stay or not?" He questions.

She looks at him, clearly amused. "I don't, if we're being honest. You're a free thinking person, so do whatever.. But I do still care about Jon, and if you leave it'll probably destroy him.  He'll never be fit to date anyone ever again... he'll probably wind up tragically like Van Gogh, cutting off his ear and mailing it to you. Do you want that on your hands?"

Before Tilian can give a reply to that bizarro scenario, a flight is announced to be leaving for Atlantic City, New Jersey. Sarah stands suddenly. She looks at Tilian.

"Just think about what you're doing. He's a good guy. And believe me, they're hard to find."

She turns on her heel, bag slung over her shoulder, and jogs off in the direction of her flight.

Tilian just sits there, stunned, watching her as she goes. While he's still trying to wrap his brain around the strange encounter, an announcement is being made over the loud speaker.

"The 197 flight to New York City is boarding now. All passengers make your way to customs, and prepare to board."

Tilian jumps, a bit startled. He guesses this is it. If he felt nervous before, it's nothing compared to how he feels now. He takes a deep breath. He's as ready as he'll ever be.  
  


Jon is running around the airport like a mad man, trying to find Tilian to no avail. He's already looked up and down the east wing of the airport and has had no luck. He's starting to let his anxiety get the better of him. He stops a moment to get his bearings.

What if this is it? What if he doesn't find Tilian, and he never gets to apologize? What if he never sees him again?

Jon can't even bear the thought of losing Tilian; Of waking up to a sleepy looking Tilian making coffee in their kitchen. His gap toothed smile, his warm hazel eyes, and his wispy soft voice, teasing him about his bed head.

Jon starts to tear up, and wipes furiously at his eyes. It can't be over between them before it's even started. He never got to tell him how he really feels. His chest feels like it could crack wide open with the weight of regret. Suddenly, Jon is jolted out of his self pity by an announcement.

"The 197 flight to New York City is boarding now. All passengers make your way to customs, and prepare to board."

Jon's head whips up, a renewed sense of hope flickers in his chest. He feels it pulling him in the direction of flight 197. It might be too late; maybe Tilian had left some time ago. But it's the only flight left to New York, and he'll be damned if he doesn't try. Jon takes off in a sprint toward the terminal in the West wing.

He's pushing through a crowd of people in line waiting to board, completely ignoring customs and hoping he can find Tilian before airport security stops him and causes a scene.

"Jon! Is this Tilian's flight!?"

Jon whips his head around to find Tim, still lugging around his stupid suitcase. He wants to tell him he doesn't have time, that he needs to catch Tilian before it's too late. Tim jogs up to him and shoves something in his hand. Jon is staring at a plane ticket for flight 197. He looks at Tim completely bewildered.

"How did you-?" He starts to question. Tim just shakes him head at Jon.  
"My dumb ass bought it, and you guys thought it was so hilarious, but I guess it came in clutch. You can thank me later." Tim smirks, a bit smug.

"Anyway, just go! You can probably board and check for him before security flags you down you for skipping customs. Go!" Tim gives him a shove, just as a security guard starts trotting over.

Jon takes off in a mad sprint up the ramp, pushing people aside, jostling luggage, and ignoring angry protests at him. He flashes his ticket to the flight attendant and manages to set foot on the plane. Once aboard, his eyes dart around feverishly scanning the passenger filled seats, but he comes to a halt when he notices broad shoulders in a red flannel and light brown hair a few rows up. The man glances up and Jon's breath is caught in his throat.

It's Tilian.

He's sitting there with his arms wrapped around himself. He looks lost and deep in thought, staring off out the window at the tarmac.

Jon is just about to call out to him, when a pair of hands roughly grabs him by the shoulders, and spins him around. The man grabbing him is huge, and there's a second guard just behind him, waiting in the wings as back up.

"You can't just skip customs and dodge security! You need to get off this plane before you're forcibly removed and detained!" The man yells at him.

He's in deep shit. He faces the direction of Tilian and manages to catch a glimpse of his face again. He can't waste this chance, he'll never get another shot.

"Tilian! Wait, I'm here! Don't go!" Jon shouts across the aisle to him.

Tilian looks up, a bit startled. His face morphs into a look of complete surprise when he sees that the voice calling out to him belongs to Jon. Eyes widen in disbelief, he stands abruptly.

"Jon? What are you doing here?" He calls back to him. Jon is being roughly pulled from the plane, shoved down the aisle and out in the direction of the terminal. He looks back over his shoulder at Tilian, and says with absolute sincerity, "I came here for you!"

Tilian feels his stomach swoop at that. Without a second thought, he grabs his bag from the over head storage. Tilian quickly makes his way down the aisle following Jon, bumping into passengers in his haste. Jon is being forcibly removed and tossed from the plane, as Tilian hurries to catch up with him.

Once he's set foot off the plane he runs to Jon who is having words with airport security.

He's released promptly, but not without a threat of being put on a 'No Fly' list. The TSA's shake their heads and mumble something about the two of them being a romantic movie cliche.

Jon turns to look at Tilian standing before him. He can't believe he found him. His heart feels like a caged animal, desperate to escape his ribcage.

"What... what are you doing here?" Tilian breathes out shakily, eyes flickering to Jon's lips. He almost questions if he's hallucinating this. Jon looks disheveled and still dressed in those ratty sweatpants he likes to sleep in, and that stupid red shirt that makes Tilian think about their first kiss; his heart races just recalling it. He swallows nervously, waiting on Jon to explain himself.

Jon feels like a raw bundle of nerves. Now that he's found Tilian, he's rendered momentarily speechless. He just looks at him, feeling completely overwhelmed. There's so much he wants to say.

"I lied to you." Jon blurts out, finally taking the plunge. It's now or never.

"When you asked me how I really feel about you.. about us.. I lied."  
Tilian gasps softly.  
Is this really happening? He's trying to push down that dangerous bubbling hope. He can't take anymore disappointment. He feels hot tears coming, as Jon pushes on.

"I didn't realize I was falling for you. And when I finally realized it, I was afraid I wasn't good enough for you, and that I'd somehow manage to ruin what we have. I didn't wanna risk losing you, so I pushed you away. The truth is..." he pauses, taking a deep breath.

Jon boldly takes Tilian's hand in his. He bites his lip and looks into Tilian's eyes. Tilian's eyes are brimming with unshed tears, sticking to his lashes.

'God,' Jon thinks, 'He looks pretty even when he's crying'.

He brings his other hand up to cup Tilian's cheek, thumb brushing the delicate skin beneath his eye wiping away a tear. Tilian leans into the touch, starved for this. Without breaking his gaze, Jon leans in closely, and deliberately, so that their foreheads are touching.

"The truth is, I'm so in love with you Tilian."

Without another word, he cups Tilian's face in both hands and kisses him with everything he's been holding back.

Time seems to slow to a screeching halt, and the world tilts it's focus. All Jon is aware of is Tilian, warm and solid and real beneath his hands. His soft lips parting for Jon, body yielding to his touch, melting into his embrace without any hesitance. Tilian makes a soft strangled noise in the back of his throat, waking up something wild and animal in Jon. The blood rushes in his ears. This is exactly how it should be, how it always should've been. Tilian feels like his heart could burst. His hands instinctively find their place on Jon's back, fisting the fabric of his shirt and pulling him in close.

It's like gasping for air after months of holding their breath, waiting for this exact moment. The moment when they both would just give in. They're both desperate and needy for more, more, more. Everything is fire and flame. They are burning, and the world around them is still turning, seemingly unaware of this blazing inferno. They get so lost in eachother, neither of them notice that Will, Matt, and Tim are watching them from the food court, 20 feet away.

"Jesus christ guys, get a room! There are children here!"

Jon and Tilian reluctantly stop kissing and pull apart, but they still remain tethered by Jon's arm going to rest around Tilian's waist, pulling him flush against him posessively. They notice the guys are standing a good distance away watching them.

Will is grinning at them shaking his head, while Tim is clapping and Matt is hollering and whistling. Tilian's cheeks are tinged pink, but Jon thinks it's less to do with embarrassment, and more to do with them going at it.

He chuckles, grabbing Tilian's chin gently, and angling it down towards him to go in for another kiss. Tilian sighs into it happily, his eyes fluttering closed. This one is less desperate, more slow and languid. He's savoring it, like from now on how he'll be savoring everything with Tilian. He never thought he could feel so fucking happy. He can hardly keep the grin off his face. Tilian looks at him as if he's thinking the exact same thing. Eventually, Jon clears his throat.

"Let's go home." He says softly, and he laces his fingers through Tilian's. Tilian can't keep the huge smile off his face upon hearing Jon say those magic words. He nods back at him.

They exit the airport hand in hand. That steady thrum of electricity passing between them, buzzing pleasantly beneath their skin where their palms meet. Jon can't stop staring at him the entire way to the car.

'Why the fuck did I wait so long?' He wonders to himself as he slides in next to Tilian in the back seat. He punctuates the thought by reaching over and gently cupping Tilian's face. Tilian blushes, staring lovingly back into Jon's eyes, mirroring everything he is feeling. They kiss once more, sealing a promise to each other not to waste anymore time.

"I love you." Tilian mumbles against Jon's lips. Jon can't help the giggle that bubbles out of him. He's so fucking happy. He rests his forehead against Tilian's, eyes fluttering closed, and whispers, "I love you too."

 

 


	16. Chapter 16

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The boys finally get to enjoy some time alone together. Things finally get intimate and feelings are shared.  
> (Warning for mature content.)

Once in the car, they can't keep their hands off each other. Will kind of wants to scratch his eyeballs out.. but he's driving, so that's not exactly an option.

It starts off innocently enough. They're sitting in the back seat together while Will drives. Jon reaches over and grabs Tilian's hand, giving him a warm smile. Tilian blushes. He coyly slides over to sit closer to him. Jon takes that as a sign to scoop Tilian into his lap. He let's out a surprised squeak, but snuggles into Jon's arms contentedly. Jon is just smiling, stupidly happy that he gets to have this perfect human being as his.. boyfriend? Is that what they are? He'll have to ask him about that later.

For now though, Jon decides to start peppering kisses along Tilian's jaw and trailing down his neck. Tilian giggles adorably, trying to squirm out of Jon's lap, but Jon just tightens his hold around Tilian's waist, keeping him firmly planted there while he continues to kiss him breathless.

"J-Jon! St-stop, it tickles!" Tilian tries to suppress his giggles. Jon responds by grabbing Tilian's face and kissing him deeply on the mouth. Tilian gasps, caught off guard, but after a moment he  reciprocates the kiss. Eventually it gets pretty heated. Hands are groping, and pulling each other closer, both giggling like two fools in love. Jon can't keep his hands to himself. His hands keep skimming up and down Tilian's sides, than making their way back up to cup his face. He kisses his nose and cheeks and forehead, till finally he makes it back full circle to his pouty lips. He kisses him full on the mouth, tongue tracing the edges of his lips. Tilian let's out these little whimpers, letting Jon lovingly caress and kiss him. It's a dream come true, and he's so afraid he'll  wake up.

Will does his best to ignore it, he really does, bless him. But the second he hears Tilian moan, he immediately turns up the radio and tries to hyper focus on the road. If it weren't for the fact that he's never seen Jon so smitten with someone and look so happy, he'd pull over right there and kick them out. He's never seen Jon smile like this before.

Jesus. They can't even stop making out for two seconds to have a conversation. They just keep trying to talk in between kisses and it's simultaneously impressive and disgusting.

"I'm..mmm.. so sorry..mmmff.. for being an idiot." Jon manages to mumble out.

Tilian is just as bad. Jesus.  
"Mmmmff.. it's okay. I'm just..mmmf. So happy this is finally happening mmph.. Are you my boyfriend?"

"Yes! God, yes! We should fucking be together..Mmf..I love you so much..mmmff." Jon sloppily kisses Tilian. Will wonders if they're even breathing.

He actually has to reach back and swat Jon with a rolled up magazine he found sitting in the front seat.

"OKAY. COOL IT GUYS. Jesus I'm still here!" Will says exasperatedly.

In unison they both apologize, and than continue to make out like teenagers. Will just sighs dramatically and continues driving.

When they pull up to the house, Will slams on the brakes and orders them to get out.  He's mumbling something about going to stay at his girlfriend's for the night. "Oh, and dear god, please limit sex to the bedroom! I don't need to come home to any surprises!" He hastily adds.

He peels out of there so fast, kicking up gravel and dust in his wake. Jon almost doesn't realize Will took his jeep.

He just grins at Tilian from ear to ear like a kid in a candy shop. It's heartwarming as hell. Tilian's mouth twitches into a smirk, brow raised like he's amused. Without warning, Jon suddenly scoops his boyfriend up in his arms and throws him over his shoulder.

Tilian yelps in surprise as he's being carried up the driveway and into the house. Despite Tilian having a few inches on him, Jon is really strong. He notices how solid Jon's arms are, and his hands trail over the musculature of his back, admiring the thick sturdiness of Jon's frame.

Once inside Jon carries him to Tilian's bedroom and drops him unceremoniously onto the bed. The two forgotten coffees from this morning are still sitting on Tilian's desk, long since gone cold. He seems to have noticed them, and looks at Jon with sad eyes.

"You were coming to talk to me, weren't you?" He looks so ashamed. "I'm so sorry I left!" He blurts out, hands coming up to cover his face. He sounds so apologetic, but Jon just shushes him and sits beside him on the bed. He gently pries Tilian's hands away from his face, and kisses his fingers sweetly, while looking into his eyes.

"Hey, it's okay. It's my fault. I should have told you the truth. I was just scared. But I'm more scared of losing you than anything else, so from now on it's all honesty. I really do love you Til. I'm so insanely into you."

Jon closes the distance between them and kisses him, more tenderly than before. Tilian sighs into the kiss, running his fingers through Jon's curly head of hair. He doesn't know what turns him on more; the way Jon is kissing him like he's the most precious thing in the world, or hearing him say he loves him. While Tilian mulls it over, he experiments with giving Jon's hair a gentle tug, that elicits a growl from him.

Jon pushes Tilian back on the bed and crawls on top of him. Tilian spreads his legs so Jon is laying slotted between them. He's running his hands up under Jon's shirt, feeling the curve of his stomach, and up over the solid plane of his chest. He secretly loves that Jon isn't overly muscular. He's really fond of the softness around his middle contrasting with the firmness of his arms and muscular shoulders. He tugs at the offending clothing, and Jon gets the hint. He removes his shirt and tosses it across the room, revealing the smooth skin of this tummy, and his chest sparsely covered in dark hair.

Tilian slips out of his shirt as well, showing off his tanned shoulders and prominent V shape of his hip bones. His chest is sprinkled with more gingery light brown hair, and a smattering of freckles. Jon literally feels his mouth water. They're laying chest to chest, bare skin touching, and Jon thinks he's never felt anything so wonderful. He can't help the way his hips buck up into Tilian's, craving that delicious friction. Tilian gasps, not expecting the contact. He's pushing his hips into Jon as well, grinding up against him. His eyes slowly flutter closed.

Jon takes that moment to carefully undo Tilian's fly. The sound of the zipper jerks Tilian out of the moment. He looks into Jon's eyes, apprehension written clearly on his face.

"W-we don't have to rush into anything. I know you've never been with a guy before." Tilian says, sounding nervous.

Jon looks at him, a small smile gracing his lips. "Yeah I know. But honestly it's all I've been dreaming about for months. I think I've always wanted to. I've just been too stupid to realize it. You're just so perfect. I've always thought you were, since the first day we met. I wanna touch you.. if it's okay." He looks at Tilian shyly, cheeks tinged pink.

Tilian blushes the deepest shade of red Jon has ever seen. He nods jerkily. "O-okay. Sure than." His voice cracks. Jon chuckles at how cute he sounds.

He reaches down into Tilian's jeans, hand exploring. His fingers grazing against the head of Tilian's cock through his boxers. He takes a sharp intake of breath as Jon continues to rub his palm against his growing bulge. Jon feels himself hardening at all the soft little whining noises coming from Tilian. He sounds breathless with want, rutting up against Jon's hand. Jon cups him and gives a squeeze. Tilian throws his head back and moans, deep in his throat.

Fuck. Jon thinks that's the hottest noise he's ever heard. He wants more of that. He removes his hand, much to Tilian's dismay. But it's just for a moment while he tries to drag down Tilian's pants. He lifts his hips up off the bed to help Jon pull them off. Jon takes his sweatpants off as well, rushed with shaking hands, nearly tripping while hopping on one leg. Tilian giggles at the ridiculous sight of his frazzled boyfriend.

He's back on top of Tilian in a flash, both of them sporting pretty obvious erections. They're both down to their boxers, and it's just hot skin on skin. Every nerve in their bodies on fire. Jon just looks down at Tilian admiring the flush that's crept up his chest and neck. He wants to touch him everywhere.

He runs his hands up his torso, eliciting a soft sigh from his beautiful boyfriend.

(Fuck it. That's what they are. Jon doesn't even need to ask himself.)

He traces all the little freckles on his ribs, leading up to his chest. Goose bumps start raising on Tilian's tanned skin, he shivers from the touch. Jon lowers himself back down so they're chest to chest, reveling in the feel of being this close. It's too much, and not enough. Jon begins to move against him, rubbing himself against Tilian's erection. Tilian is panting with need. He wraps his long legs around Jon, pulling him closer against himself, rutting against him.

"Uhhn. You feel so good." He moans into Jon's ear. Tilian tries to muffle himself by biting down on the thickness of Jon's shoulder. Jon flexes involuntarily. It sends a wave of heat coursing through his veins. He growls, desperate with want. He reaches down, slipping his hand into Tilian's boxers. He's never done this for another guy before, so he's a little self conscious about how good he'll be. He wraps his hand around Tilian's length, giving it a gentle tug.

Tilian let's out this high pitched whine, digging his nails into Jon's  shoulders. Spurred on by his reaction, Jon slowly continues, giving long slow pulls, teasingly. Tilian is breathing fast, moaning Jon's name, not even bothering to be quiet.

"Jon, oh god, Jon." Tilian whines into Jon's ear, squirming beneath him, needy with want. His pupils are blown.

"Oh my god, you're so loud. I fucking love it." He gives a few more jerks, picking up the pace. He watches as Tilian's lips part slightly. He finally can't take anymore.

"I'm- I'm gonna..Ohhh, f-fuck!" Without warning he's coming hard, body tensing, pulling Jon close to him and burying his face into the crook of his neck. He trembles through the aftershocks, before he goes limp beneath Jon.

Jon pulls his hand out from between them, and wipes it on his own boxers. Tilian has a sheen of sweat on his face, hair completely mussed up. He looks up at Jon, eyelids drooping and a contented smile settled on his face.

"Wow. Just.. wow." He manages to breathe out. Jon grins at his boyfriend's inability to properly form a sentence, feeling a swell of pride at being able to make him feel so good.

"I'll take that as a compliment." He chuckles. Tilian laughs along as well.

"Uhm, yeah I'd say so." He blushes at Jon's cocky smirk. He shifts out from underneath Jon so they're laying side by side. He smoothes Tilian's hair back, playing with the soft strands.

"I feel like I should return the favor." Tilian says, voice a bit raspy. His hand strays to Jon's boxers, fingers grazing the softness of his hip beneath the elastic, enjoying the way his flesh has some give, gently pulling them down and slipping them off.

Jon gulps audibly, but leans back as Tilian slides down between his thighs. He feels Tilian's warm breath ghost over his erection, causing him to get goose bumps down his bare legs. Tilian softly kisses the inside of his thighs, teasingly. Jon's breathing sounds erratic. Tilian looks up at him from beneath his  lashes. Jon's face is tinged pink from blushing. He feels so vulnerable in this position. His knees shake a bit from nervousness.

Tilian must be able to sense it, because he pauses to reach up and stroke Jon's face lovingly. Jon leans his face into the touch.

"Hey... It's okay if you wanna wait. Seriously. I know it's a lot." Tilian tries soothing him.

Jon let's out a shaky exhale, and shakes his head.

"No, I want to. I trust you." He says quietly. Tilian smiles at him so warmly and leans down to kiss the softness just below his belly button. Jon let's his head fall back, and tries to relax. Tilian goes slowly, as not to overwhelm him. He starts off kissing Jon's stomach, than slowly trails down till he comes to his cock. He gently kisses the tip, tongue poking out skimming the head. Jon breathes out slowly through his nose. Tilian reaches a hand up and places it firmly on his hip to reassure him. He carefully takes Jon into his mouth, lips wrapped around him.

Jon let's out a moan from deep in his chest. He reaches down to card his fingers through Tilian's hair. Tilian moves up and down Jon's length, tongue swirling around him. Jon's legs tense and twitch, breath stuttering.

"Nnngggnn. O-ohh, god. That's.. so good." Jon whines, hand gripping Tilian's hair tighter, guiding his head up and down. Tilian sneaks a hand up to Jon's  hip, giving it a gentle squeeze, as continued reassurance. Jon is panting, head thrown back, his chest moving up and down. He takes Jon deeper into his mouth, making his breathing speed up.

He whimpers softly, pulling Tilian up and off of him by the back of his head. Tilian pulls off of him, kissing the inside of his left thigh and giving a bite. Still pumping Jon in his right hand, he inches his way up and kisses Jon on the mouth, hot an wet and messy. Jon grabs the back of Tilian's head, pulling his hair for a brief second, his hand spasms.

"I-I'm.. I'm gonna.." He says against Tilian's lips.

There's barely any warning before Jon is coming. He's got his face shoved into the crook of Tilian's neck, hand still in his hair. He's shaking slightly and breathing hard, his body spent. Tilian combs his fingers through Jon's sweaty curls, chuckling.

"You have no idea how long I've wanted to do that for you." He mumbles, mouth pressed into the side of Jon's head.

"I didn't realize how badly I wanted you too." Jon rasps out in reply, his voice sounds thick with emotion. Tilian pulls back a fraction to look at Jon's face.

His eyes are glassy as if trying not to cry, so he wipes at them and looks away. Tilian frowns slightly. He moves to lay on his side and pulls Jon in close, so that they're lying chest to chest, sharing Tilian's pillow. He has his arms wrapped securely around Jon's middle.

"Hey, it's okay. It's a big deal, I hope I didn't push you." Tilian tries to soothe. Jon shakes his head and looks at him solemnly.

"No, you didn't. I'm just really happy I get to have this with you. It's so special to me, especially after I almost ruined my chance with you. I've never felt this way about anyone before, so it's just a lot, you know?" He pauses, a bit choked up before adding, "I love you Tilian. I'm really in love with you."

Tilian looks at him, eyes shining, and full of adoration. "You didn't ruin anything Jon Mess. And I love you too, so fucking much." He breathes out shakily. "I'm so happy we got a chance at this. You're the most amazing person I've ever met. I love all your strangeness and quirks."

They're gazing into each other's eyes, smiling sleepily. Jon leans in for a kiss and lingers, tongue tracing Tilian's lower lip teasingly. Tilian sighs happily into the kiss, fingers tracing patterns onto Jon's lower back, causing his boyfriend to shiver. Jon pulls the sheet up over them both, and they just lie there, basking in each other's mutual affection and warmth.

After some time they peacefully doze off wrapped securely in each other's arms. It was worth the wait, and they get to have what they always wanted. They can taste what it's like to love.  
  


\--Fin.


	17. Chapter 17

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "You've seen my lies and shame exposed, but I know you know that what we've gots no joke."
> 
> Bonus scene. One year later...

They're snuggled up in bed together with Tilian's laptop sitting on the bedside table, it's power cord plugged in to charge. They're watching Love, Simon together. It's kind of their thing. Even though they saw it in theaters twice, (one time being that 'Date') it still makes Tilian emotional.

They've been dating a year, and things just keep getting better and better between them. Tilian has never felt more loved and secure with anybody. And Jon never misses an opportunity to show him how much he means to him.

Tilian is the little spoon and Jon has his arms firmly wrapped around his middle, one hand sneaking up Tilian's shirt, just to graze his fingertips on the soft skin of his hip and tummy. Tilian shivers at the touch, eyes fluttering closed and leaning back into the touch. Jon continues running his hands further up his shirt, feeling the smooth expanse of Tilian's chest. Its funny, for how gorgeous he is, he still comes off very self conscious once in a while, like when they first met. That feels like a lifetime ago now.

He begins to kiss the top of Tilian's head, down the side of his face, all the way to his neck, ghosting his lips over his pulse point. Tilian's breathing picks up a bit, he whines softly, as he's grinding himself back up against Jon's hips.

"If you keep this up, w-we're gonna have to stop the movie and I'll be upset." Tilian says breathily. Jon just smirks at him and says, "Than stop being so pretty, and this wouldn't happen. It's not fair." Tilian blushes the shade of a strawberry. Even after all this time he still gets so flustered when Jon pays him compliments. Jon thinks it's so fucking endearing though, so he goes out of his way to compliment him more, and be more physically affectionate.

He gives his boyfriend's hip a gentle squeeze, and runs his hand up and down his thigh. The smallest squeak makes it's way out of Tilian, and Jon just can't help himself. He flips Tilian onto his back and plants himself on top of him. He begins to gently caress his face, reverently as if he's the most precious thing in the world. He wonders why on earth he was being such an idiot, depriving them both of this. He wishes they'd gotten together sooner. But he'll make it up to him, everyday for the rest of their lives if he has to. Just to let this precious man know how special he is.

Jon runs his thumb along his lower lip back and forth. Tilian's breath stutters in his chest.

"W-what are you doing?" He asks shyly. Jon just stares at him lovingly, truly taking him in. He leans in the rest of the distance and kisses his boyfriend slow and sweet. When Jon pulls back he has this glazed expression.

"I'm just admiring you babe. Just lovin' you, like you deserve to be." Tilian reaches up and cups the back of Jon's head and pulls him back down to him. "Than please don't ever stop." He whispers against his lips. He rests his forehead against Jon's, just enjoying the moment. His fingers entwined in Jon's messy hair. He breathes him in and he smells like old spice, & laundry detergent. It's comforting.

They notice it's the scene in the movie where Simon is outed at school, and Blue tells him via email that he can't do this anymore for risk of being exposed himself. Jon looks back at his boyfriend and catches him biting his lip, eyes watering. Right on cue, this scene gets him everytime. He tilts Tilian's chin upward and gives him another kiss.

"I'll never leave you Til. I'm glad you and I are past all the sad middle parts of our story, I like our happy ending. Never thought I'd have that before." Tilian smiles up at him. "Me too babe." Jon snuggles back in wrapped around Tilian.

 

As the credits roll, Jon realizes he hears faint snoring coming from his boyfriend. He just stares at him lovingly, admiring how peaceful he looks. Even in sleep he has this sweet smile on his face. Jon's happy he's the one that could put it there. It's been a long time coming for these two getting together.

 

Jon tries to carefully extract himself, as not to wake his boyfriend. He slips out of bed and quietly makes his way to his drawing desk. He opens the bottom drawer and quietly rummages around, sneaking looks back at Tilian to make sure he doesn't wake up. He finds what he's looking for. It's a small, velvet black box. He very carefully pops it open, and inside are two golden wedding bands, Jon's initials engraved in one, and Tilian's in the other, with the engraving 'Infinity'.

He let's out the breath he's holding. He can't believe he's gonna do this. He called Will a week ago to gauge his reaction, and nearly dropped the phone due to Will's happy cheers over the phone. He's never been more nervous, and more sure about anything in his life. Just another week until their anniversary. He's got the whole thing planned. Dinner at the restaurant where they had their first accidental 'date', and than he'll take Tilian to the gallery afterward to show him a new piece he's having unveiled. He figured it's appropriate due to those two bbn places being so special and instrumental to them getting together.

Except once at the gallery, that's when he'll put the plan into motion. The painting beneath is going to be a giant oil painting of the two gold wedding bands making the infinity sign. When he sees it he'll immediately know, and turn around. Jon will already be on his knee, a shaking nervous mess. Hah! He supposes technically Tilian will be a 'Mess' as well. And he wouldn't have it any other way.

 

He stealthily tucks the ring box back in it's hiding place, and snuggles himself back into bed with Tilian. Even in a deep sleep, Tilian reaches for Jon and pulls him back in close, nuzzling his face against Jon's chest, arms wrapping tightly around Jon's middle. Jon feels a warmth spreading through his chest. He wraps his arms protectively around Tilian and kisses the top of his head. Tilian tucks his face just under Jon's chin and let's out a sleepy little noise. As they lay there tangled up in each others embrace, Jon can't help but think there's no better way he'd like to spend the rest of his life than right here with Tilian.

**Author's Note:**

> I kinda wanted Tilian to look like he did while in Tides of Man. Sort of dorky, chubby, with glasses and long hair. Soft boi. He's gonna have a glo up later on. ;) but tbh I think Tilian looked super cute in his awkward phase.  
> But damnnn did he glo up.


End file.
